Love is a Disease
by Yagurt
Summary: { UNDER CONSTRUCTION } Matthew's gaze was always on the guys. He never found girls attractive. When he accidentally confessed his love to one of his classmates, it's the end of the world for him. Now Matthew is in a new school with a new personality. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

Let me just introduce myself...my name is Humpty...

Lol, no it isn't. For some reason whenever I think say that, I just think about that song, if some of you know it.

This is my first time publishing here, but not my first time writing a story.

This story was originally something else but has been revived for Hetalia casting and stuff.

* * *

><p><strong>Pairings<strong>: CanxAmeri (unrequited/one-sided), PrusxCan (unrequited/one-sided), RussxCan (main)

**Warnings**: Angsty, verbal abuse, possible physical (idk, still working on it), smex!

**Summary**: Matthew's gaze was always on the guys. He never found girls attractive. When he accidentally confessed his love to one of his classmates, it's the end of the world for him. Now Matthew is in a new school with a new personality. He plans on not repeated what happened to him at his old school. But what happens when one of his new classmates see right through him? Will the past repeat itself or will the past actually come face to face with him?

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><p>It was around the summer of my last year in 8th grade, when I "sorted out" my sexual orientation. It was going to be my first year as a freshman. In my middle school years, the teachers liked to talk about bullying and all other things a lot. Kids say they're okay with people who're gay or lesbian, but I think it's a lie. Even I'm not okay with it. I'm gay and I find it repulsive.<p>

After watching porn and staring at pictures of naked women, I knew. I just haven't been aroused by their body. But I haven't watched gay porn either, since I wasn't still comfortable with it myself. I've been doing research and some were quite knowledgeable. So during my freshman year, it wasn't like a burden to keep a secret, but at the same time, it wasn't like I was confident enough to just blurt it out.

I didn't always find it vile. It started when I soon was getting attracted to some of the boys. Gym time, I'd like to think of it as my sanctuary. But I try not to be obvious about it. Freshman year started off good for the first few months, with very good looking guys. But there was someone particular…Alfred. He was the ideal boy. He was nice but sometimes can be annoying, popular and extremely handsome.

As for me, well I could call myself as the "supposed to be a girl" kind of guy. My name is Matthew, so I don't find that very manly. I wasn't athletic, but I had developed a few muscles from doing pushups and situps in my room secretly. Well, I guess I'm okay looking, and I'm pretty smart too.

Also, it was obvious he was attracted to girls. For one, he had secret fans, and there was a rumor going around he was dating someone older. I guessed I belonged to the group of fans, which was the whole class, and some of the older students.

Days after days my crush will turn into like, and so forth. By a few short months of starting high school, I was in total love.

We were acquaintances. He made sure he talked to everyone in class. Many more reasons I like him. One major part I remember is how I confessed to him. We were in class up from lunch, helping our teacher with a few things she called us for. My love was contained for far too long.

"I like you…" It was a slight whisper.

He froze in front of me. The halls were empty and he probably heard me. I realized what I've just done.

"Oh…! Um…."

I didn't know what else to say. I looked down and kept on walking. My heart pounded so hard, I bet he heard it too. I guess he didn't know what to say either. He didn't respond and acted normal. I tried really hard not to stare at him. I was curious of what he was thinking. Was he confused or disgusted?

I wasn't expecting an answer from him. I didn't want to face him, and I probable knew he didn't want to see me either. So after that, everything was back to normal. He didn't talk to me, and I avoided him. But I guess he decided to answer me…

It was a message on my phone, it was from Alfred and it said to meet him in the school's courtyard. At first I didn't know what to do. After all this time he didn't respond to me. He also set a time. After a lot of thinking, I purposely came a few minutes late.

Another few minutes I waited. In my head I thought of all the things I was going to say to him.

_Oh, I was just joking._

I can't say that! Who jokes about liking someone, especially if the confession comes from a guy? I waited a few more minutes. Fed up of waiting and last minute thinking, I decided to leave. But as I stood up, I heard footsteps. Alfred's friend Gilbert came out.

Gilbert crossed his arms. "You know, I would have never expected this. Mostly girls would have a crush on Alfred, but this is the first time I've seen a gay guy like him." He smirked.

"I-I'm not gay!" I immediately rushed these words out nervously. Alfred told Gilbert...but why?

"The awesome me offered to take care of this…_problem_…for him. He came to me really confused."

He thought of me as a problem? Was Alfred that uncomfortable?

"Well you can already guess his answer is no." Gilbert walked towards me. My stomach felt queasy, I wanted to barf.

He pinched my cheeks.

"Why would a cute guy like you would want Alfred?" He smirked again. I smacked his hands off.

"I'm leaving." I announced. This was bad. I don't want to be here anymore.

But Gilbert yanked me back. "Hold up, hold up. I'm not done talking."

I fell to the grassy ground. He looked down on me. My eyes began to water.

"You wouldn't want me to tell everyone at school would you?" _Don't cry, don't cry!_ I repeated in my head.

"Y-y-you wouldn't!" I stuttered, looking at him angrily. This was getting worse. How can I let this happen! Soon, tears trickled down my face.

"Are you sure about that? There's a reason why I'm here. Alfred was too embarrassed and disgusted to even face you."

He knelt down beside me. "I bet he wants blood." He kept on grinning. I began to breathe deeply.

_God, make this a dream! _

Would Gilbert hurt me? I've heard of stories where gay people kill themselves from bullying. Would that be me too?

Full bullets of tears began to fall. "Please…don't."

It would've been better if I was looking up at him. He placed his hand on my cheek, whipping the tears away.

"Aww," he cooed, "there's no need to cry. It's not like Alfred told me _directly _to beat you up. I have my own way of dealing with you." He then again, leered at me. This was my devil.

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><p>I was glad when the weekend came after that day. Gilbert...he greedily took the situation and made it into his little game.<p>

He made me do dirty things, horrible things.

That day, I quickly went to my room, not talking to my parents.

"_You're gay and you don't even know how to do this…"_

I grabbed my pillow and stuffed my face. Stop it, stop remembering! It kept replaying inside my head over and over.

_He pulled my hair as he moaned. "Nnhh, there you go….."_

There was a rapid knock on my door. Without me answering, the door knob twists open.

"You were home late…" my mother's voice said gently.

"I know…" The door creaked closed and I felt her body next to me. Her hand rubbed my back.

"Did something happen at school?"

_Yes!  
><em>

"I'm fine Mother, nothing happened. I'm just tired." I lied.

My stomach churned. She patted my back, let out a big sigh, and left my room. My throat tightened.

I wasted no time rushing to my bathroom. I gorged up the white goo he made me swallow. I forced to throw up more, wanting the dread and guilt to go with it too.

I was terrified to go to school now. I thought my worries would only be Alfred, but I have to add Gilbert to the list too.

_"You don't want me to tell anyone right?" He repeated, buckling his pants._

_I shook my head lightly, tears dripping down my neck. He grabbed my chin forcefully, with a smile on his face._

_"Come to me whenever I call you…."_

With that, he left. I stayed there for a few minutes and cried. I was petrified. I'm glad Mother and Father didn't notice anything.

* * *

><p>"Oh, sorry…" I said, as I bumped into someone.<p>

I turned and to see Alfred. Instantly I blushed. How am I going to avoid him? We practically see each other every day.

"No my fault…" he mumbled and rushed away. I gripped my bag that I was holding.

It made me upset that he was avoiding me. But wasn't I trying to do the same? I went into my classroom, my face was burning hot.

A group of girls blocked the entrance.

"Are you sick? Your face is red." a girl asked me.

"Eww," one of her friends cooed. "If you're sick, try not to get me sick too."

"I'm not sick." I frowned. "It's just hot in here." After chatting a little bit, they let me through.

As I looked around unintentionally, I caught Gilbert staring at me. He smiled and waved casually, as what happened days ago was just nothing.

I looked down and walked to my desk. I sit by the right side of the room, and glad that I sit far away from Gilbert and Alfred.

When I open my desk I see a note. My heart started beating. Is it from Alfred? Thoughts poured into my mind.

If it is him, what would he want to say to me? As if being disgusted by my confession wasn't enough. I felt a pain in my chest. If only I didn't do something stupid. I sat down and slowly took the note, making sure I wasn't caught.

_Come by the empty classroom on the 3__rd__ floor after school._

_-Gilbert_

Now my heart pounded my rib cage. Gilbert wants me again? I tried not to look at him. He's probably glancing at me now. I squeeze my eyes, the memories of that day finding its way back into my mind.

_No, not now!_

I thought. As I opened my eyes, Alfred came inside, followed by our teacher.

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><p>"I thought you wouldn't come." He said, leaning on one of the desk.<p>

I didn't say anything. I controlled my breathing. "If you didn't, I would've done _something_."

I sifted my feet, and gripped the side of my shirt. I looked down. There was a moment of silence.

"Come here…" he commanded.

I looked up and saw he crossed his arms. I hesitated and slowly walked over. He relaxed his arms and I knelt down, undoing his belt.

He grabbed my arm painfully. "Oww," I yelled in pain. He released his grip a little and lifted me up.

"Have you ever had a kiss before?" He asked.

I automatically blushed. "N-no…" I stammered.

He waited for a few seconds. Without warning, he grabbed my neck and placed his lips on me. I pushed him away without thinking. I forgot about our deal! Gilbert grabbed me again, this time putting his tongue inside my mouth.

It felt weird and uncomfortable. He kept on moving and twisting his tongue, I didn't know what to do. This was my first kiss.

"Mmhnn, mhhn!"

I couldn't breathe. I shoved him lightly, so he would get the idea. But my desire to breathe only grew, and I pushed him with more force.

Gilbert gripped my hair tightly. He continued to kiss me roughly, my breathing becoming harsh and hard. Only for a few seconds he would let go, taking a deep breath and then continuing. His tongue rubbed against mine and his hot breath felt uncomfortable. Then he finally, let go.

"Ha, ha…" I wheezed for air. I turned the other way, shutting my eyes. He still had my hair in his hand. There was saliva around my mouth and I wanted to wipe it badly. He leaned in for another kiss, but I only moved far back.

"S-stop this…" I pleaded, my eyes still closed. He pulled harder, and I bit my lips.

I thought he was going to kiss me, or smack me, but Gilbert let go. I opened my eyes and saw him leave the classroom. I panicked as I saw a janitor talk to him.

"You need something in this room?" He asked, annoyed. The janitor had a mop and was cleaning.

"Nah, I was helping him look for something." Gilbert replied. The janitor nodded and Gilbert left.

"You should get out; I'm going to lock the doors." The janitor said to me. I wiped my lips and nodded at him.

"Yeah, sorry."

* * *

><p>I was glad Gilbert hasn't called me for the past few days. But also, I was worried. Why hasn't he called me? Did he break off our deal? I wanted to feel relieved, but my secret might be at stake.<p>

As I entered the school gates, I saw that there were a few students. It was beautiful outside, the wind was peaceful.

Suddenly, the bell rang.

Students rushed inside. I hurried to my class, hopeful that our teacher is late again. As I entered my floor, the hallways were half empty, with a few students just entering their classrooms.

Our teacher was just turning the door lever, and I followed behind her.

"You're late." she said, as she laid her briefcase on her desk. She sipped her coffee. Some of the girls giggle, while the guys sneered.

"I'm sorry." I said, and sauntered to my desk.

As I was walking, I "accidentally" fell. Chairs squeaked against the floors and chatter filled the room.

"Quiet down, quiet down! Are you okay Matthew?" our teacher asked.

"Ah, I'm fine…" I said, picking myself up.

"Oops." A boy said, shrugging. He said it lightly enough for me to hear. He snickered to his friend as I picked my bag up.

Embarrassment filled my face. I continued walking to my desk, and our teacher started with the lesson. I peeked at Gilbert, and when he caught me, he gave me an evil grin.

Gilbert…he couldn't have. He wouldn't. My body started getting hot. He...he told people. I looked at the boy who tripped me and saw he was writing. I wanted to leave the classroom now. My eyes began to water.

_No way…_ I thought.

I cleared my throat and rubbed my eyes. I couldn't focus on class now.

_No way…._

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><p>So that's the end! Please review and tell me what you think!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

I'm back yo.

Ah I couldn't take it!

Since I stated that this was a different story and I already have a few chapters done, I decided to wait but uh, I lost the battle with myself.

Thanks to all my supporters and such.

Now, continuing on with the story!

(sorry for the mistakes)

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><p>It's just what I predicted.<p>

_Gilbert_…_that bastard_…

He told my secret. I was spacing out all my classes. All I could think about was Gilbert. I was thinking of all the ways he told people. Did he tell them directly? Did he text them? But that didn't matter. I was shaking while I wrote. Multiple times, I felt like crying.

_Brriiiiinggg!_

That was the lunch bell. How many hours past? How many minutes, seconds? I wanted to leave. I had to leave. I didn't know what would happen if I faced Gilbert. Voices echoed in the classroom.

"Don't forget about the homework!" our History teacher yelled. How did I get to history class? I was just in Mathematics. Everyone stood up and packed their things.

I could sneak out now. I knew it was bad but the fear of what was to come later on was too much to sit around and find out.

The hallway was crowded with students. Quickly, I went to the stairwell and rushed to the first floor. I snuck out by the back doors and made my way across the courtyard.

The only thing on my mind was:

_Run_.

I had to run. I couldn't even remember what happened in this courtyard. I needed to get home. I didn't care who saw me. Well, I did, since I would have gotten in trouble, but I was too terrified to see anyone.

I didn't know who else Gilbert told. I wanted to know. It must've been only that guy who tripped me, but maybe Gilbert would tell everyone. I ran out of the front entrance and took a sharp left, almost tripping. There were people walking and they must be suspicious, seeing a student skipping school in the middle of the day.

Now I had to run faster.

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><p>I slid down the door, covering my face with my hands. Both my parents wouldn't be home till dinner time, maybe around six o'clock. I wanted to die.<p>

_What should I do?_

In a squatting position, I rocked back and forth.

_What should I do?_

My breathing quickened and next thing I knew, my shoulders were shaking. Hot, fat tears slid between my fingers. I clenched my teeth, anger increasing by the second. I tried not to cry out loud and the results was quick gasps.

"Damn it…" I choked.

I had the urge to hurt something, see that cry in pain instead of me. I clasped my fingers against my palm, digging my nails into my skin.

"DAMN IT…!" I yelled through tears.

I pounded the door, my hand in a fist. I switched to breathing through my nose, taking deep breaths. I never knew I had this angry side of me. I've never been this frustrated and it made my temples throb.

I placed my chin on my knee and looked up. In front of me was the kitchen. The curtains dance between the breezes, light casting a green shimmer. It was peaceful looking, and my breathing slowly turned back to normal.

But Gilbert was still on my mind. I slowly got up and jogged up the stairs. Slammed my door, I stripped my clothes and gently threw my glasses on the bed. While whipping my eyes, I stepped into the shower. I want to forget everything.

Ever since I confessed to Alfred, I felt shallow, and at fault. I turned the knob to my selected temperature and pulled. The water was too hot but I left it at that.

My skin tingled as the droplets stabbed me with heat. I tried really hard not to look down. Now I loathed being gay, being a homosexual. Girls have it so easy. They're more attractive. They could showcase themselves as whores and sluts and men would still be at their feet. If only I had longer hair, if I had a chest…

I wanted a relationship. I want a kiss, a kiss sweeter than Gilber's. I want to hold hands and go on a date. But in reality, I can't. I pounded the tile walls.

_And l never will…!_

Why…

Why couldn't I've been born normally? Born to like girls. Born to hide porn magazines. I burst in tears again. I close my eyes and look up. The droplets sting my eyes, but at the same time it feels good.

* * *

><p>"Matthew did you do your homework?" Father asked, opening the door.<p>

"Yeah I did." I replied. Since my last class was History, I didn't know what other homework I had.

"How was work?" I asked. Father works at an elementary school.

"Damn brats ruined my shirt…" He said angrily, but followed with a chuckle. He turned around and showed that his white shirt had blue and green hand prints.

I let out a little laugh. "Anyways, it's time for dinner." He left the door open. I trailed downstairs and saw mother placing the pots on the dinner table.

"You could've helped me." She said scolding me. I shrugged and let out a big smile. I leaned in and kissed her cheek, then quickly pulled my chair and sat down.

Dad came, wearing a different shirt. "Thanks for the food!" Dad and I said, simultaneously. My stomach grumbled as I chomped at my spoon. After showering, crying made me really tired.

Somehow, I felt bad being around them. They don't know that their only son is a homosexual, or that he has done very perverted things.

_"Nnhh...there you go..."  
><em>

I can't eat anymore. Thinking of him lost my appetite.

"Now you know I made food for a reason! Eat up, it's your favorite." My mother told me. I looked at her.

"Sorry…" I mumbled. I saw my mother give a worried look. I took a big scoop of rice and forced myself to chew it.

* * *

><p>"I think Mattie is depressed." I heard Mother's voice say.<p>

"And why would he be?" Father asked, over the sound of running water.

"Well, when I checked up on him, he looked sad. And after I left, I heard him throwing up. He was crying." She said, worried. Mother heard that? I stood by the stairs, listening closely.

"Huh…" Father rumbled. He turned off the water.

"Should we go and…talk to him?" Mother said, with worry in her voice.

Father was silent for a moment.

"I don't know." He replied. "What if he isn't down in the dumps? He might think we're annoying him." I heard plates clacking together.

"But we should at least ask him…." Mother said, concerned. Guilt crawled into me. They suspected I was sad? I swallowed hard.

"Okay, we will."

* * *

><p>They did talk to me. As I was eating the breakfast Father made, they both sat down with me.<p>

_"Honey…we have a question to ask you…"_

I made sure I took the long way to school. I was fine until my parents spoke to me. Their conversation made me think about Gilbert once again.

_"We were both wondering….if you're alright…." Mother trailed off. I gulped down the pancakes. _

"_Yeah, I'm fine…"_

_I looked at Father who was coming to sit down too._

"_It's just that," he started, "your Mother heard you throw up. Are you sick Matthew?" He asked. _

I checked the time. I only had twenty minutes left till homeroom bell. The route takes about thirty if I walk slowly.

_Mother glanced at Father then looked back at me._

_"My stomach felt bad at the time." I explained. I guess they're not going to bring up about me crying. _

"_Sweetie, if you have any problems, you know you can talk to us…"_

Now I had ten minutes left. I hurried my pace. I thought about skipping again, but the teachers might call my house. I took a deep breath. I could see the entrance of the school just a few blocks away. I'm getting more worried by the second.

_"I'm fine Mom." I tried not to smile. Smiling would only prove more that I'm lying. _

"Come on! We gotta hurry!" a group of girls giggled.

I'm late.

As I sighed with relief, I rushed up the stairs. The hallways were completely empty. I kind of felt bad to be late. Never once in my life I was late on purpose. I stood by my homeroom door. Taking a deep breath, I twist the handle and walked in.

"Now who could tell-" our Mathematics teacher stopped in mid-sentence. She was siting on top of her desk, with a text book in her hand.

"I was beginning to think you would be absent, Matthew." She said. All heads turned towards me. I struggle with the urge to turn my eyes.

"Sorry, I-" I was going to explained, but she interrupted me.

"Last time you were only a few minutes late than I was." She looked at the clock. "This time…you're at least twenty minutes late." She pointed finger at my desk and I stride to my seat.

"Now as I was saying…"

"Fag…" a voice whispered.

A menacing chuckle followed after. I froze. My heart thumped loudly. "Anytime now Matthew." Our teacher's voice broke my trance and I rushed to my seat. My face flushed and heat travel through my body. What I dreaded, was now certain. I swallowed hard.

_Don't cry, don't cry!_ I repeated in my head.

"Now turn to page…"

I automatically opened my Math textbook. I glanced at Gilbert, expecting to see his wicked smile. Instead, I caught Albert's eyes. I haven't seen him in a while.

_Or thought about him._

I would think he would quickly turn his head, but he didn't. My heart pounded like a sledge hammer. I felt my ears tuning with the rapid, shrilling beats.

I must've realized I was staring and turn my head because I was now looking at Gilbert. He at first didn't notice me, but now his daunting smirk was planted on his face. I let out a little gasp. Quickly, I fixed my gaze at my desk. I fidgeted with my fingers. This is his entire fault. I wanted to run away again. I knew running away would make me look like a coward, but I didn't want to what would've happened to me.

_I'll probably know today…_

My chest started feeling tight. I pinched my skin, trying to distract myself with pain.

"Hey, Matthew…" I heard a girl's voice.

"_Psst! Mat!_" The voice hissed.

I looked at the person who was calling me. She tossed a folded paper on my desk. Before I could ask any questions, she turned to her normal position and continued writing.

Just like always. No one notices me unless they need me or give me something.

A note…is it from Gilbert? Does he want me to "service" him again? I crumpled the paper and stuffed it in my pocket. I don't want to do those things again.

_Service…_

His revolting moans replayed in my head. I copied what our teacher was writing on the board. I need to concentrate.

* * *

><p><em>The gasps were deafening.<em>

_I was surrounded._

_I failed to escape._

_The boys would push me back, taunting me. _

_ Everyone was talking at once._

_But the crowd asks or thought the same question…_

_Really?_

_They whispered and were pointing._

_I didn't want to see, but it was hard not to._

_Why can't I be invisible when I need it the most?_

* * *

><p>"I need to talk to you…"<p>

This voice, I recognized it. Grabbing my things, I pushed this body aside. I wanted to be nowhere near this person. I shoved the other people nearby. Once again, my heart thumped briskly.

Why does Alfred want to talk to me? He should be the one avoiding me.

"Matthew wait!" I heard him yell.

He grabbed my arm. I turned and look at him.

"Yo Alfred…you coming?" One of his friends asks. He looked at me, and then back at him. Alfred loosened his grip, then let go.

"Yeah, just a sec." He answered. His friend nodded and shoved a boy passing by, laughing and putting his arm around the boy.

Alfred opens his mouth, but closes it. It looks like he was waiting for the hallways to clear. A few giggles slowly faded and then silence. Alfred looked around again. Not satisfied at where we were, he grabbed my hand and walked.

His hand is touching my hand. Alfred is holding my hand. My body began to warm. His heat traveled to my hands. I would've been delighted and embarrassed with this sudden action, but now I don't know what to feel.

"A-Alfred?" I stuttered. He didn't acknowledge me speaking and continued walking. He peaked into each classroom, looking for the best room to talk in private, I believed. Shaking his head, he walked farther and pushed open the stairwell doors.

I yanked my hand.

"Um…" Scratching his head, he turned to face me.

"I, uh, won't force you or anything…." He said quickly.

"B-but um…." He trailed off. Should I follow him? I made a confused face. Taking a deep breath I nodded.

He let out a relief sigh and grabbed my hand again.

"I…I can walk by myself…." I said, blushing. He blushed too and continued walking. Following behind him, I thought of why he would talk to me, but more importantly, what does he want to talk to me about? He clearly had a nervous and worried expression on his face.

Finally satisfied where we were, an empty classroom, he tapped his foot nervously as I stood before him. Alfred was indeed nervous. He first opens his mouth, but then closed it. After a few moments of silence, I decided to speak first.

"I'm really sorry that I, uh…" He turned to me, a relief look on his face.

"That I confessed to you. I already knew you were straight but what I did just…happened."

I felt so relieved saying what's been in my mind for the past few months. I wanted to clear things with him. But then, looking back at him, I regretted babbling that out. He must feel more uncomfortable. Before, his worries were just homework, his personal life, and girls. But now he's been also weighing with me…and oh, I must weigh a ton.

"I don't…I don't have the same feeling for you…" Alfred started.

"And I'm sorry I didn't answer quickly, but I was confused and afraid. I'm also sorry that I sent Gilbert, instead of talking to your face to face." Rushing his words, he looked down, tapping his foot.

So Alfred _did_ go to Gilbert.

"But uh, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." He looked at me.

"I've been noticing...something...between you and Gilbert." He said in a straight face.

I took in several deep breaths. But it did not help, as my heart quickened its beats. My face reddens in nervousness. He stood in silence, not pressuring me with raised eyebrows or hand gestures to continue. What should I tell him?

_A lie of course…_

"N-n-nothing is going on…" I muttered hoarsely.

Now a confused look was on Alfred's face. I cleared my throat.

"There's nothing between Gilbert and I."

My palms and back began to moisten. I can't let Alfred find out. He stood up and walked towards me. Panicking on what he was planning to do, I moved backwards.

"A-Alfred…?" I said his name in questioning.

A few steps back and my palms felt a small bookshelf. I looked to the side; the door is only several steps away. I could escape. But before I could decide what to do, Alfred grabbed both of my arms.

"Tell me! Tell me what Gilbert did!" He yelled, but not really in anger.

"He, he didn't-"

"Don't give me lies! I've seen the looks he gives you…Tell me, I want to help you." Alfred said the last words softly.

"Help? You think I need help because I'm gay?" I said quickly in anger. I knew I was turning this into the wrong way, but I couldn't back out of my words now.

"No, I didn't mean-" He stopped in mid-sentence. He looked away, confused and was probably thinking.

I broke away from his clutch. "Sorry, but I need to go…" I announced.

Alfred, he must never know. I don't want him "investigating" anymore. It would only bring more stress to him. Plus, he will be more disgusted in me. I clenched my teeth. I still haven't forgotten that day in the courtyard.

And I'll never will.

* * *

><p><em>"Break it up, break it up!" an adult's voice yelled. They wouldn't be able to reach me. The crowd is too large.<em>

_ "Who knew we had a fag in our school…" one of the boys said._

_ "I know…" a voice followed._

_"Don't you feel disgusted now?"_

_ "Can't believe he gave you a blow job Gil…"_

_ Gilbert's voice came from a far left. "He's actually pretty good." He said, shrugging._

_People who heard cooed in disgust._

"_Stop it…!" I cried. I wiped my tears but it wouldn't stop._

_ "Doesn't that make you gay?" a random person yelled out._

_Gilbert looked around for the person. Failed to find him/her he answered, "A blow job is a blow job, no matter who does it."_

_ A friend jabbed his arm and laughed. "Matthew must have had the time of his life!"_

_ Gilbert laughed with him. "He was moaning like a girl."_

_ "Maybe he should give me a blow job…" a boy said, biting his lip and looking me up and down. Then smirking with his friends. _

_ I pushed through the crowd. I felt a hand pull me back. Struggling, I yanked the hand._

_"Damn, he got away!" I heard Gilbert yell._

_I heard the adults calling my name, but I ran._

_The laughter and looks remained in my mind._

* * *

><p>GAH! I'm sorry Canada fans!<p>

I'm a Canada fan also so please don't hurt me!

*hides in corner while trying to defend herself with a butter knife*

Also, I'm making another story.

So any followers of mine (I hope I have some), be ready for it!

YAAY!


	3. Chapter 3

**_No this is not an update. (sorry to burst your bubble)_**

**_Chapter 3 has been edited and revised! (edit by Yanatta)_**

**_02/22/12  
><em>**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Yay, new chapter!

The next few chapters won't be a quick update b/c I only got up to chp. 4

But anyway, enjoy :D

* * *

><p>"Come on Matthew, you're going to be late for school." My Mother says, walking in with her shirt half button. Chewing on pancakes, I nearly choke from laughing.<p>

"Look who's talking." I say, licking syrup from the corner of my mouth. My Mother gives me an annoyed look, then giggles and takes out her lipstick.

"Well I'm not going to school." She says, giving me a raspberry.

Father walks in, struggling with his tie.

"Honey…" he trails off. She looks over and sighs. Mother walks over and readjusts Father's tie, giving him an irritated look. He gave her a nervous smile then kisses her forehead.

"Now Matthew, do you have your Subway pass?" Father asks.

"Yeah," I say. "It's in my pocket." I pat my pants pocket.

"Don't lose it Matthew." Mother said, smoothing Fathers shirt.

"Oh and don't-"

"I know, I know. Don't talk to strangers and stuff." I said.

Father walks over the kitchen and opens the fridge. Wiping my mouth, I grab my jacket and bag. I kiss Mother on the cheek and sneakily stole Father's creamed bagel.

"I'm leaving." I announce, putting on my shoes. Father gasps.

"Damn it, my bagel." Laughing, I took a bite of the bagel.

"Bye." I said, and began walking.

I wasn't still used to my new neighborhood. It was much noisier and crowded then the last one, but still in a city area. As I walk farther away from the apartment, the streets began to get busy with people. Most of them were wearing suits, but my eye caught an occasional student.

Walking down the stairs to the subway, I saw that it was more crowded. Sighing, I squeeze my way through. Sliding my pass into the machine, I rush to my train, which came a few seconds after.

The train I was in was especially crowded. Every time the train made a movement, I would bump into someone. After a few small stops, I could actually loosen up. As I took a bite of my bagel, I flip my phone open. A few more hours and I'll get to my new high school.

The uniform was decent looking. I was wearing a dark grey blazer, with the edges with a thin grey fabric sowed on. It had big collars and simply two golden buttons. The left side of the blazer had a pocket and the school's crest, which was a Saber-toothed tiger. Underneath, I wore a white button down shirt and a gold and burgundy stripped tie, the school's colors. The pants were regular khakis pants, so I was wearing semi tight pants. Learning from my early middle school years, baggy pants looked hideous against my skinny body. I didn't know if they had a uniform code for shoes, but I just wore my beat up red converse high tops.

I heard it was actually nice, my new school, which was called Hetalia Academy, is much more prestigious then my last one, but it can't be anything different since I haven't made a drastic moving. There were also a few more schools with the title Hetalia. I swallow hard, memories of my old school swarming out. My heart starts beating.

_ Calm down…_ I thought.

_ No need to remember…_

_** Bing! "Next stop -"**_

After a few stops the doors opens and all at once, everyone rushes out. I ran up the stairs just in case if they trample over me. The city and their trains never make a good couple. I frown and continue walking. At least it was a little calmer here. I took out my phone again.

_ A few more minutes._

* * *

><p>"So you're the new student?" The guy at the desk asks. He scratches his scruffy beard. I nod in reply.<p>

"You're a little late to be in here." He says.

"Oh sorry I took-"

"No, not that," he says, interrupted me. "Why weren't you here in the beginning of school?" he asks. I look around for anything that had his name, but there was nothing to be found.

"Well, _sir_, I moved in late and-"

He nods. "Uh-huh…okay. Your class is in the second floor and," He turns to look at the computer. "You teacher is Mr. Wade." He yawns, handing me a piece of yellow paper, which had my information on.

I thanked him for the directions and walked up the stairs. Inside looked decent enough. The halls were more spacious.

Let's hope I'm not late. Damn trains were crowded when I got here. I twist the handle and strut in. Everyone was just settling in and Mr. Wade was writing on the board.

"Ah yes?" He asks. He pushes up his fashionable glasses and set the textbook he was holding, down. I clear my throat and hand him the yellow paper. He scratches his arm as he read. He was probably finished, because he was looking at me.

"You Matthew?" He asks, pointing.

_ Obviously._

The class was quiet for a moment, curious of the new student. He walks over to the front of the class, sitting on top of his desk.

I nod. "Yes sir."

He cleared his throat and gestured me to come over here. I walk by him and he pats my back.

"Class, this is Matthew Williams, your new classmate."

I felt awkward to be in the center of attention. They all look at me and I see some people whispering. I'm a little angered that some of the boys wore patterned or colored collar shirts. A few girls caught my eye, and when they saw me, they smile.

"Hey." I said, smiling. Some of the girls wave back, giving me a flirty smile.

Hmm, I think I'm getting off to a good start.

"Now," he claps, and then rubs his hands.

"You can sit by…." Mr. Wade trails off.

Mr. Wade goes back to the chalk board. I try not to give him a confused look.

"You can sit by that sleeping fellow over there." He says, practically yelling. Mr. Wade aims the chalk at the back of the classroom and it hits a student who looks like he was sleeping. The boy jolts right up, startled by the chalk. A few giggles followed.

I'm slightly taken back by his eyes. His eyes were an unusual color to be on a human, likewise myself. From his 'nap' I presume, his eyes glisten like a jewel, an Amethyst jewel to be exact. His hair was short, but with slightly long bangs in between his eyes, and that also was an uncommon color. It was more like...oatmeal, cinnamon oatmeal. His skin was pail and a pink scarf was wrapped around his neck.

"Sorry to disturb your precious sleep Ivan, but I would like to introduce Matthew to you." Mr. Wade said, sarcastically. Ivan rubs his eyes and looks at me. Still looking sleepy, he gives me a small smile.

_ He looks somewhat cute, with his cheeks flushed_...

I mentally slap myself.

_ Stop it..._

_ Don't start the same problems again._

I look at Mr. Wade and he nods. I walk to the desk near him and look at Ivan.

"Da, hello Matvey, my name is Ivan."

He had a foreign accent and I'm slightly confused at how he pronounced my name.

"H-hey, nice to meet you." I smile back at him.

* * *

><p>I guess I'm doing okay. I made a few friends, and the girls were talking to me a lot. I was kind of giddy but also nervous that they would want to. I mean, what's so special about me? I was usually ignored like I was invisible.<p>

"Looks like the girls like you." An Italian named Feliciano said. He was a nice kid who really liked pasta.

I shook my head. "I don't see why they would."

His brother, Lovino, or how others liked to call him Romano, elbowed me. "Who knew you were a player."

"Playing who?" I ask, clueless.

The group of boys laughs.

"You're so_ naïve_. Obviously when you first came here, the les filles were smiling and talking to you." Francis said with his French accent.

I shrug. "I fine that normal. I was okay with other girls in my old school."

Francis smirks and leans in. "Alors, qui trouvez-vous belle?" he asks, half whispering, his French slipping out.

Understanding every inch of word he said in French, I immediately blush.

"L-like who?" I repeat nervously. This was making my uncomfortable. I like no one at the moment, but what if they find out my secret?

"English please Francis, no one understands French." the German boy, Ludwig said. He was a very serious person but he seems to be slightly relaxed when Feliciano dragged him over to the group. The group got louder. Some were frustrated and some were laughing. I give them an uneasy smile and they push me playfully.

"So who do you find beautiful?" Francis repeats, a smirk on his face.

Who did I think was cute? The class had an even amount of boys and girls. I thought for a while.

"Well I think Lilli is cute…." I say, blushing. Lilli is a very sweet girl but had a short haircut like a boys'.

The group roar in disapproval.

"Mon amour ne, Lilli is well..._bland_." Francis said in disapproval. I guess she would be a regular girl in our class. To me, I feel like most of them don't have an identity at all.

"I don't see anything wrong with her."

Well, she is good looking. It's not like love at first sight or anything, not even love at all. Besides, I was lying. I haven't found anyone I was attracted to yet.

_ Yet…_

"Well, who do like?" I ask them. Immediately, it was quiet. The group of boys all look at each other, as if they were telepathically speaking.

"Well, we all know Katyusha is hot." One answers.

Katyusha was more of a _mature_ girl. She was Ivan's older sister, in senior year. I guess the guys all like her is _because_ of her chest. I mean, it's the size of a roll of two cataloes.

That's what they're into? I mean the _regular_ guys. I guess they like the 'TV star' type of girls. It makes me disappointed in them. What about all the other girls? How come they don't get a chance? Like Lilli for example, yeah she's not drop dead gorgeous but once you get to know her, looks wouldn't matter, right?

* * *

><p>Father told me to go back to his workplace after school. He works with Pre-schoolers. I haven't been very good with kids. Especially thinking back, they really mess up Father. I mean, they ruin his shirt, his papers and drive him mad. In the end, he still says he loves working with kids. There was something about that, it made me admire him more.<p>

The daycare isn't quite bad. The secretary smiles and asks why I was here.

"Oh, I'm here to see my Father-"

"Are you Matthew?" she, smiling.

I nod, but confused on how she knows my name. The secretary clasps her hands together and tilts her head.

"Oh, how sweet! I never knew Mr. Williams had such a cute son!" she glees.

_ Weird._

Does Father talk about me? If so, why would a total stranger like her be so comfortable talking to me? Blushing, she told me where he was, and waves. I guess I should steer away from her as much as possible.

Not even a little crack and I could hear the screams and yelling. Father should really commit suicide. Opening the door, a kid rushes past me.

It was a mess. Some kids were quietly drawing but others ran around, mostly the boys. I caught a boy stuck up crayons in his nose and a little girl cooing in disgust.

"Hey Matthew! How was school?" My Father asks, smiling. Really, this job for Father is a mystery.

"It was fine." I say.

A girl was tugging on Father's suit. He turns to her and kneels down. She was really cute, with lavender eyes, a small chunky face and a big ribbon tied at the top of her long oatmeal hair. She wore a dress that seems too out of this century, with lots of ribbons and frills at the bottom. Doesn't Ivan have the same hair color?

"Yes Natalia?" He says sweetly.

"Mr. William, who's that?" She asks with an accent, looking at me with a blank expression.

I can't help but smile. She's cute! Natalia hold a piece of paper and rubs her nose.

"Oh this is my son Matthew. Matthew, this is Natalia." He says, introducing us.

"Hi there Natalia." I say in a baby voice.

She smiles and goes back to her seat. My Father turns to me and shrugs his shoulders.

"I have to wait till all the parents come here, so it might be a while." He says, patting my back.

Oh goody, staying here with these kids. I look around to sit, and the only normal size chair was Fathers'.

_ Great._

I drop my bag by the door and take a seat by Natalia. My legs can't fit under the table! She's coloring a picture of two people. Natalia can really ask a lot of questions.

"When were you born?" She asks.

"I was born in June, in the summer." I reply blandly.

"I hate the summer, it's too hot. But playing in the pool is fun." She says, humming.

Minutes by minutes, each child slowly leaves. Natalia is the only one left. I examine her picture more closely. There was a little girl, obviously her, and a really tall person with yellow hair. She begin to make clouds.

I point at the tall figure.

"Who's that?" I ask.

It must be one of her parents, but she doesn't have blond hair.

"Oh that's my-"

From the hallway I hear doors slamming and loud squeaking. The door opens quickly, followed by loud wheezing.

"Sorry I'm late Natalia." A boy's voice says, regaining his breath.

I turn around.

"Brat, brother!" Natalia yells. She nearly trips from running to the boy and hugs him.

It was Ivan.

"Eĭ, eĭ!" he says, smiling. He spoke in a language I couldn't understand. She hugs him tighter and grabs his hand. Ivan was soaking wet, wearing a long, beige coat, leather gloves and the same pink scarf. The rain must've been heavy.

He turns to my father. "Da, sorry I was late sir." He says and his accent makes me giggle.

My Father crosses his arms. "That's okay, but do you have an umbrella Ivan? You wouldn't want to take Natalia into the rain right?"

Ivan's smile turns into a frown. He scratches his head. "Da, I'm sorry about that."

He looks at me, then back at my Father. Should I greet him? Well, I'm not exactly buddy-buddy with him yet. I would've talk to him but he just keeps either sleeping in class or doodles.

"Matthew, hello." He smiles his same smile.

"Hey Ivan."

"You two know each other?" My Father asks.

"Da, we are in the same class."

"Oh, that's good to know." Father nods, then stands up and looks through his closet. "Lucky for you, I have an extra umbrella."

He hands the umbrella to Ivan and faces Natalia.

"Bye-bye, Natalia." He says, waving.

"Bye Mr. William. Bye Math-eww!" She replies, struggling with my name with her accent, waves frantically.

Ivan is putting on her jacket and getting her book bag. I give a little wave.

"Look I made a picture of you, brat." Natalia says, handing him a picture.

I giggle at how she calls him a brat.

Ivan smiles in delight. "Da, that is a very good picture," he turns to my Father. "Good bye Mr. Williams and see you tomorrow Matvey." Ivan smiles at me.

I admire their brother and sister relationship, it's making me feel warm.

And with that, they leave.

* * *

><p>Today I'm sitting by the girls. They forcefully drag me stating, 'They need to spend more time to get to know me.' They're actually fun to hang out with. We're in class, and thank god, we have a free time.<p>

"Matthieu is making his move!" Francis slurs, giving me a wink.

"Shut up!" They all giggle.

We laugh and continue talking. They're asking me questions, like where I was from and how was my old school.

"So Matthew, do you like anyone yet?" The girls get closer, anxious of my answer.

"L-like who?" I stutter. Are they going to ask me the same question again? Besides, Lilli is here in the group.

"Oh don't play dumb Matthew." One girl says, clinging around me.

"We over-heard you talking with the guys."

"Y-y-you did?" I stammer.

What would they do? I absolutely had no feelings for anyone.

"I heard you liked Lilli." All the girls gasp. I notice Lilli blushing and looking down. I feel my heart sink.

I'm at lost for words.

_What should I do?_

_ Should I deny it?_

I feel my face getting hot too.

"Ah…I do…" I say, scratching my head awkwardly.

"This is your entire fault!" one girl says, smacking her friend. "You should've let them embrace their love alone."

I blush again. I wasn't planning on confessing love, or either just saying I had a 'crush' on Lilli. I bet Lilli and I are in an awkward position now.

* * *

><p>"I'm really sorry about my friends Matthew."<p>

Lilli pulled me aside after school. We are now both alone in the hallway.

"Oh um, it's kind of my fault really…."

"Do you really like me?" Lilli asks, straight forwardly.

My heart thumps faster.

Well I can't back out now.

I should just say more lies.

"I do. I think you're really cute." I say automatically.

Lilli blushes and looks down. She moves her feet for a while, watching her own movements.

"Well, uh, do you want to go out with me?" She asks, looking up at me.

Her faced is really red and I could hear her heart beats. Lilli fiddles with the purple ribbon in her hair. For a moment, I don't answer, and she must've taken it the wrong way.

"Ah, sorry I bothered you-"

"It's not that!"

_ What am I doing?_

"Yes, I'll go out with you."

My heart stops.

_ What did I just do?_

Lilli smiles. "Okay." She takes out a small notebook, writes something down, and hands it to me.

"My number." She says.

She starts walking and turns back to wave. I give her a weak smile and wave back.

I just made a terrible mistake.

* * *

><p>Or maybe not.<p>

I thought about it over this weekend. Dating Lilli might help me out. No one knows I'm gay, or even suspects it. So, dating Lilli will just help me more.

But overall, I feet bad that I'm doing this to her. She should be dating a guy that likes her, not me. But in a way, I also think I'm helping her. I know not one of the boys say they like her, or any other girl except for Katyusha.

The next day at school, every one of the guys put me in a playful choke hold and keeps on calling me a player. I guess they found out about me 'dating' Lilli. Also the girls pull me into their groups and talk to me.

"I heard you're dating Lilli." One girl giggles. They all look eager and kept on smiling.

"Yeah I am." I say, blushing.

I really feel awkward at this attention. For one fact, I've never dated anyone.

I also don't want to face Lilli. I really don't understand the term _dating_.

What am I supposed to do?

"Hello, Matthew." I hear a voice. I turn around.

It was Lilli and she's blushing.

"Hey Lilli." I say, giving her a fake smile.

We both walk into class and immediately the girls surround her.

I really don't understand girls.

"Okay, okay. Get out of my way ladies." Mr. Wade yells.

The girls give him a funny look, laugh and trail to their seats. Looks like Ivan isn't here yet.

During class, all the girls can't help but look back at me. I try not to notice.

Now it's official.

Girls are a really weird species.

"Now you see how-"

The door jerks open and Ivan walks normally inside.

"Now look what we have here." Mr. Wade says in a sarcastic tone.

Ivan gives him a shrug.

"Now what's your excuse this time?" Mr. Wade asks, mockingly.

Ivan saunters to his desk.

_Tsk_-ing, Mr. Wade continues on with his lesson.

"As I was saying…"

Ivan takes out his materials slowly. He looks sleepy, but from this view he looks quite handsome. His oatmeal waves glows from the sunlight's glare. He looks like a photo where a man stands in the middle of the sun. His Amethyst eyes now shimmers a pigment of lavender, like his younger sister Natalia.

Before he could notice that I was staring, I hastily turn my head. Slowly, my heart starts beating.

_I need to stop thinking about this._

But disobeying, my heart pounds more rapidly. I think about the color of his lips, a smear of light pink, the shape, how it curves and the way he licks his lips.

_I don't have a crush on him!_

He just looked like a model; I find him attractive…that is all. I wonder why I'm acting this way. I have to stop. No way am I going to repeat what happened last year.

No way in hell.

I cringe at just the thought. The same torments will happen again, the same name calling, the abuse.

* * *

><p>"Hey Matthew…!" a girl calls to me.<p>

School is over and I was just leaving the school property. I see Lilli trailing behind her.

"I was wondering if you like to go on a group date, with a few girls and Lilli." She said.

Lilli blushes and looks down.

A date, how fun, but at least I won't be alone.

"Sure, when?" I ask.

If I was going to date Lilli, even for pretend, I should at least be a faithful boyfriend.

"We were thinking maybe tomorrow, Friday." Lilli's friend twirls her hair curly, brown hair.

"Yeah, I'm free that time." I reply.

We exchange numbers and I walk my way to the train station.

My first date ever.

I'm excited, nervous and but I feel bad at the same time.

* * *

><p>"Dad…" I start.<p>

Father is reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. I'm at his elementary school. Natalia and a few other students are here too, as usual.

"Yes Matthew, what's up?" He says, looking at me and folding his newspaper. I'm giving Natalia a piggyback and she pinches my cheeks.

"Stop that- I was wondering if I could hang out with friends tomorrow."

I give an inner sigh.

I said it.

I let Natalia down but she jumps up and down, gesturing me she wants more piggybacks.

"Well, where are you going?" Father asks.

If only he said yes, I wouldn't have to explain.

"Hang out with friends."

I thought about leaving it at that, but he'll probably ask doing what.

"I'm going on a group date."

My father gives a little smile. "Oh-ho-ho! Little Mattie going on a date?" He says, chuckling.

My god, the embarrassment!

"Y-yeah, I am." I stutter. "I'm going with a group of friends."

Fathers smile slowly turns into a frown.

"Now Matthew, are you dating anyone?" His voice sounds serious.

I am.

I'm dating Lilli.

"N-no, but there is one girl I do like…" I lie, trailing off.

Father clears his throat. "Well, I'll accept, but we need to talk to your mother too."

Crap, now I'll never go. It's not like I do want to go, but like I said, I should at least be a faithful boyfriend.

* * *

><p>"WHAT?" My mother screams in surprise.<p>

I expect her to be angry. She drops everything and gives me a big hug.

"My baby is growing up!" I pat her back.

I slightly turn my head and see father crossing his arms, smirking.

_ Having fun, huh?_

My mother kisses my cheeks.

"Now, if you ever want to date someone, bring her here okay? I want to meet her." That word echoes in my head - _her_. How would they feel if I was dating a _he_?

"Thanks Mom. I promise to come home after it's done." She smiles again, and nods. Father pats my hack and put his arm around me.

"If you need any tips, ask me." He whispers.

I nod at him, and then blush as I went up to my room.

"Glad you can make it Matthew!" a girl beams.

Francis, Ludwig, Feliciano, Romano, Antonio (I've haven't been introduced to him but from what I can tell, he really likes to bother Antonio), and a few girls are here.

"There are more people coming…"

_ Is this a group date or a field trip?_

"Oh, okay. Sorry I was late." I say slowly.

I watch as Lilli blushes and rubs her hands.

We were all going to the movies, and then we were going to go to a little café. I walk over to Lilli.

"Sorry I was late."

"O-oh, its' okay Lilli, I'm just glad you came." She stutters.

I wonder why she's nervous.

Then, down the block, I can see a silver hair person. As he or she came closer, I notice it's Ivan.

He was coming too?

"Okay we're all set! The movie should start in an a few minutes."

The movie theater was a few blocks away. I stand by Lilli and we chat.

"They told me we're going to see a horror movie." Lilli starts.

"Those movies are my favorite. I like the adrenaline." I smile. "Do you hate horror movies?"

"Yeah, they're really scary, especially the bloody ones." Lilli shivers.

I think about what I should say to her next. "Well if you're scared, you could hold my hand." I suggest. I grab her hand and she stops in her place.

I give Lilli a confused look, still holding her hand.

"Something wrong?" I ask.

Lilli shakes her head and blushes. I'm guessing I'm doing the right thing. I actually searched up 'how to act on a first date'. Since it's a horror movie that we're going to watch, I have a better chance to do all the things that I learned.

I pay for both my ticket and Lilli's.

"Oh there's no need to…" she says politely.

"Oh no, it's fine. I don't mind." I say to her, smiling. I also buy a medium sized popcorn.

"Anything you want?" I ask. She shakes her head.

I hand her the popcorn and we head into our movie. Lilli clutches my hand as the intro came in. She really did look scared. Whenever there were scenes that seem like something bad is going to happen, she would let go of my hand and cover her eyes. A few times, she would take a small amount of popcorn and stare at the movie screen.

I gently jab her with my elbow and lean by her ear.

"Are you okay?" I whisper.

"Oh, uh, yeah, yeah I'm fine…" She trails off, just as a bloody scene comes on. She gives a small squeal and buries her head into me. I give a small laugh.

"Do you want to leave?" I pat her head softly.

She looks up and shook her head. She really is persistent. Finally, to her relief, the movie ends. We all stretch and head out. Now we were heading to that new café.

"My father owns this café, so most of the food is on discount for us." Francis says, smiling.

As we walk in, a waitress escorts us to a larger table and hands us a menu.

"You want me to get you anything?" I ask her.

Lilli looks at me and back at the menu. She's probably thinks she's being greedy.

She says she wanted to order tea.

"No it's fine. Let me get you something." I order her a piece of raspberry cake and ice tea, and for myself, a fluffy warm croissant and water.

It also said on the website that you should not be a cheap person. I don't mind either way. Sweets are my favorites.

Lilli takes a small bite and moans in delight.

I smile at her.

"Mind if I have a bite?" I take a fork and cut a small piece and lick the cream off the it.

"We were watching you guys at the movie theater, you two make a really good couple!" Lilli's friend exclaims.

Lilli gasps, and then blushes.

"Shut up, Elizabeta!"

Oh, so her name was Elizabeta.

"Matthew really knows his way with the girls." Feliciano says happily.

Elizabeta laughs at the comment.

I immediately blush too.

"You know, all the girls at first liked you…" Elizabeta says, healing from the hard laughter.

"They did?" I ask.

I look at Lilli and she shrugs.

"Yeah, we all thought you were cute, a different face from these losers." Elizabeta twirls her spoon.

"_Cute_, there's a difference, mon amour." Francis says, winking at Elizabeta.

Lilli holds a little giggle. Underneath the table, she slowly grabs my hand.

"Stop it; I don't like being called cute." It made me feel feminine. I grip my other hand, oblivious to Lilli's.

"Da, you are cute. At first I thought you were a girl." Ivan says, sipping his coffee.

"But then, I saw you were wearing a boy's uniform."

I look at him, then back at Lilli.

"Do I look like a girl?" I ask her.

She tries to hide her smile, but shakes her head.

"Well you do, you have that cute curl that sticks out of your head and your sweet looking face..." Elizabeta says, engrossing the topic more.

"You know," Ivan says, pointing his fork at me. "There's a festival at our school that's coming up and-"

Ivan was interrupted by Elizabeta's banging and gasps.

"Oh I forgot! We were going to do a café theme and you should _totally _dress up as a girl! You know, as a waitress."

I feel my heart give a hard pound against my chest.

No way, no way!

"No. I won't dress up as a girl." I tsk. The boys laugh as Elizabeta groan.

"But why?" She whines.

"Whoever gets the most votes and visits will get to go to a beach and spend the night at a resort! Don't you want to go bungee jumping?" she asked.

"I don't care. Why not let the girls do it instead of me?" I'm getting angered by this.

Elizabeta shakes her head. The boys are holding in their laughter. What about the other boys? Couldn't Sarah choose them too, why me? Feliciano has a cute face.

"Look Matthew, you're cute. Besides, it's something different." She smirks.

I know she's going to keep pestering me on and on about this, but I have to stand my ground. I shake my head.

* * *

><p>After cleaning up and leaving, we all walk out. Elizabeta is about to protest but she gives a little devious smirk and remains silent. She's planning something, I can tell. As we part our ways, it was only me and Lilli left.<p>

"Would you mind if I walked you home?" I ask her. She blushes and shakes her head. Her house wasn't too far from where we met and we stroll in the mid-afternoon in silence. I'm walking away from the subway, and I know it's going to get dark by the time I reach there.

We stop, Lilli saying its okay to drop her off here. "You sure?" I asks her.

She nods and said, "I live on this block, so it's fine." We stand in silence.

I dare not to check the time, but it starting to get dark, the sky turning to a light shade of orange.

"Well, I really had fun Matthew." Lilli says, looking at me. I smile at her.

"Me too." I said plainly.

I should think of more things to say. Standing in more silence, we say our goodbyes. She turns but I grab her hand.

Without thinking, I pull her hand and kiss it gently. Lilli looks wide-eyed and lets out a little gasp.

"Good night." I say, forcing a smile. She blushes and waves to me.

As I walked past the same cafe, the sky now turns a semi-dark shade of violet and orange. Sighing, I quicken my pace and call my parents.

I tell them I'm going to be late, which they scold me for, and hang up. Finally, after a several minute walk that seemed for hours, I stomp my way down the stairs and slide my card into the machine. But just my luck, the train comes a few hours later and most of all, it was full.

What is with trains and it being so busy every day? I'm lucky enough to get some room in the far corner of the train, but the next stop, it soon it was crowded. Every rattle and sudden movements, I would bump into someone. After continuous apologies, I grab the train handle, trying to stiffen up body.

Then I felt it, a hand on my rear end, groping me. Surprised a little, I turn my head half way around, but change my mind. What if the molester is an old man? I shudder at the thought. He comes closer and I feel his hot breath on my neck. I feel an electric shock run through my whole body. I try moving to another spot, but it was difficult due to the packed train.

I would call for help, but it's too embarrassing. His hand rubs my thigh, and I shiver and shake my head.

"Stop this." I whisper.

I can feel him smiling and he licks my ear. To my relief, the doors dings open and I elbow him in his stomach. Pushing past the pack of people, I run as fast as I could.

Before I can open my apartment door, I slowly slide my hand down to my crotch. Looking around, I make sure none of my neighbors can see me. I moan at the light touch.

_ I was hard._

Taking a deep breath, I turn my key and open the door. I hear the clacking sound of plates and a loud, bubbling sound.

"Matthew is that you? How was your date?" Mother yells, popping her head out from the kitchen.

"It was great Mom…" I trail off as I took off my shoes. I know she's going to ask more questions.

"I'll tell you more about it later, but I want to take a shower now." I say to her quickly.

Mother frowns. "Don't you want dinner?" She asks.

I shake my head quickly. Frowning again, Mother retreats back to the kitchen. Jolting up the stairs, I slam the door and rip off my shirt and jeans quickly. Rushing to the bathroom, I turn and pull the lever, and cold water comes splashing out. I wince at the freezing water but slide my hand down to my crotch, ignoring the short icy stabs.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Finish! What do you think?

To set things a little clear, Ivan will not be a crazy psychopath, nor will be carrying a pipe.

Vodka, on the other hand...

* * *

><p><strong>Translations:<strong>

_**French**_- Alors, qui trouvez-vous belle? **-** So who do you find beautiful?

_**French**_- Mon amour ne **-** My love

_**Belarusian**_- Brat - Brother

_**Russian**_- Eĭ - Hey

Sorry if these are wrong, blame google.

* * *

><p><strong>Notes:<strong>

Mr. Wade is no one in particular.

Lilli is Liechtenstein. Since Liechtenstein didn't have a specific human name, I googled up, "popular names in Liechtenstein".

Katyusha is Ukraine. Big boobies still.

Natalia is Belarus. She's still obsessed with her brother Ivan, but not in a crazy (incest) way, but in "I look up to you" way.

Elizabeta is Hungary.


	4. Chapter 4

I hope this little note somewhat helps.

_Italics_ are either thoughts or flashbacks.

So I hope you are smart enough to figure out which is which.

Ivan in my story is sweet and kind. Not a crazy killer or harsh in anyway.

I hope I try not to make Matthew a wimp, just trying to add all the emotions that usually come when being gay. (In my prospective.)

So I hope that calms some of the fires in your mind...

* * *

><p>So Elizabeta wasn't lying. There is a school festival going on. The teachers, the students and the principle were talking about it. Everyone was really excited. There was talking non-stop. Also, there were colorful posters hanging out in the school halls.<p>

"Now we all know we're doing the café theme…" Elizabeta said, standing in front of the classroom. Mr. Wade sat at the back of the room, reading a magazine.

"And I have a great idea!" She turned to me and smirked.

_She's not doing what I think she's doing…._

"Wouldn't Matthew look great in a waitress outfit?" She boomed, looking confident.

Heads turn to me and blushing, I sunk down in my seat. I could hear the snickers and laugh from my classmates. I even heard the rustle of the magazine paper stopping.

"Matthieu will look great no?" Francis said, smirking.

I could hear Ludwig _tsk_-ing and without turning my head, knowing he's shaking his head in disapproval, maybe even in disgust.

"I won't do it!" I yelled out loud. The kids turned to me and talked at the same time.

"Ve~ come on Matthew do it!" Feliciano cooed.

Other classmates continued to try and coax me.

_ "Matthew, you'll look cute!"_

_ "I wanna see you dressed up as a girl!"_

I felt a hand placed on my shoulder.

"I'll like to see you in that too…" Mr. Wade said, grinning. Even he wants to see me in it. He was supposed to help me out!

_This is harassment!_

"I still won't do it…" I said, shaking my head. The whole class ranted in disapproval.

Elizabeta clapped to let everyone know to quite down. Placing a hand on her hip, she said, "The whole class voted on it….so no backing out now Matthew."

"Da Matvey, seeing you in a waitress outfit would be quite interesting." Ivan smiled.

I shook my head again.

"Fine then. Have it your way." Elizabeta said, composedly. Then she looked at me and gave a little smirk.

In some way, I felt like I wasn't really going to have it my way.

Damn her.

* * *

><p>I planned on meeting Lilli in front of the school. Just a block away, I could see students idling. Yawning, I stretched and looked around. She told me she was going to be here….<p>

"Matvey, good morning!"

"Ivan?"

What business would he have with me?

"H-hey…good morning to you…"

Suddenly, I feel my face smothered in Ivan's scarf. Then he starts walking.

"What are you doing? Let go of me!" I yelled. I didn't want to get physical with him. He was bigger. I looked around embarrassedly, people were staring. Ivan walked down the hall and went into our classroom.

"Okay, mission accomplished." Ivan puts me down and I stare at him.

"No hard feelings, da?" He said to me. I turned to open the door but it was locked.

Elizabeta's head pops out. She looks side to side, sees if anyone is looking and pulls me in. I looked around the classroom. It was filled with girls and they were changing.

"Ahh!" I screamed, covering my eyes. The girls giggle and from peeping, I could see that they were changing into their waitress costumes.

"Matthew, take off your clothes." Elizabeta said to me, poking my ribs.

Getting comfortable with the atmosphere, I relaxed my hands. Elizabeta held a costume in her hand, shoving it to me.

"No! I'm not wearing this." I shove the costume back at her. I hug myself, just to prove that I'm not taking off anything.

Sighing, Elizabeta crosses her arms. She looks at the girls who are already dressed and nods. Smiling, the girls walk towards me.

"Get away from me…" I say, backing away. I feel the door handle and my hand fumbles to turn it.

But before I can escape, the girls pull me into their inner circle and strips off my clothes. This is not happening. I feel their hand run up against my body and pull up my shirt. I could see the girls smiling.

"Now will you wear it?" Elizabeta said, squeezing in the circle. I could see more girls joining in; probably want to see my body. She hands out the costume.

What other choice do I have? They already got my shirt and blazer. Sighing I extend my arm. "This is sexual harassment you know." I said, blushing. The girls squeal and clap their hands, celebrating their victory.

I slip on the dress and take off my pants. I could see the girls coming closer, watching my every move. Careful not to show my underwear, I hand Elizabeta my pants too. Looking more closely at my outfit, I complain.

"But why is mine a different color?" My waitress outfit was an apricot color with the fine and small designs a shade of hot pink. The dress is really short, above my knees. Sarah hands me an apron and ties it. The bottom of the dress had ruffles and I had really puffy short sleeves. Everyone one else was wearing the same uniform, but in black and white. All the girls cooes and examines me closely.

"To make you stand out, of course!" a girl teases. Elizabeta hands the girl a matching black ruffle cap like theirs and a very wide, silky blue ribbon. Pulling me closer, the girl puts the cap on my head, and adjusts my hair. Then putting the blue around my neck, she ties it, making it floppy and tightens it.

"There you go! Now we need stocking and shoes." Elizabeta said, twirling me around. I feel really self conscious and embarrassed. They really plan on making me look like a girl. What will they make me wear next, high heels and red lipstick?

Elizabeta hands the girls fishnet stockings and shoes with small heels.

"I can't wear that! How will I walk in it?" I complained. They hand me the stockings and I struggle putting it on.

"You're so clueless…"

Elizabeta bends down and helps me put on the stockings. The elastic end of the stockings each has one small blue bow. My heels are shiny black. As I put on the heels, I nearly trip.

"Woah! This is hard…"

I could already feel blisters forming. I was only an inch taller than some of the girls but now, I was tall enough by at least two inches. The girls hold my arms as I try standing straight.

"It's easy, just practice a little." The girls explain. Still wobbling, the girls walk with me around the classroom. After a few minutes, I got the hang of it.

Frowning at Elizabeta I say, "I'll never forgive you…"

She just smiles. "Okay, now we should get going. Don't worry, the hallways are empty."

"But one last finishing touches…"

Elizabeta digs through her purse and get out lip gloss and mascara. Seeing those two weapons in her hand, I try to run away. The high heels make it difficult for my escape, and I almost fall backwards.

"Just the lip gloss." I huff.

Elizabeta smiles as she squeezed the soft gel on my lips. Without notice, she pops open the mascara and curl my eyelashes.

"You're going to poke my eye!" I scream, pushing her away.

She stops and looks at me.

"I won't, trust me."

The damage has already been done. I guess there is no point in fighting this one. I relax and allowed her to continue. The brush tickles me and after a while my eyes feel heavy.

"Okay, we're ready to roll ladies." Elizabeta winks at me. Trailing behind, the girls squeal with excitement. Our theme café was going to help in the school's yard. Looking out from the window, I could see people already sitting, drinking cups of teas and other types of food.

Frowning again, I head outside. Some people look at me, laughing and others whoop and whistle. Glancing at Lilli, I blush and turn my head. Lilli is holding a pale of water and she comes over to me.

"Looks like Elizabeta wasn't joking…" Lilli says, looking at me up and down. I blush angrily.

"I don't like this…" I say. Lilli hands me a tray of cakes and tells me to hand them to our "customers".

"I have to go out there?" I say, surprised. Wearing this is one thing, but actually flaunting this is another. Elizabeta overhears and nods dramatically.

Nervous, I slowly walk out.

"How do you like the outfit I provided mon amour?" Francis smiles deviously.

"I hate you…"

Continuing to "act" like a waitress, I slowly walk over to other tables, careful not to fall.

"You look cute! Are you a boy or a girl?" An older student asks me.

"I'm a boy, now would you excuse me…." I trail off, not wanting to hear her answer. I didn't want to hear her surprise, or worse, how disgusted she is.

Then, I'm nearby some of my classmates. Some of them whistle and examine me, tease me and ask me for my number.

"Haha, real funny." I say, frowning.

"Ve~ you actually look like a girl Matthew, a very pretty girl!" Feliciano says, walking with Ludwig.

Ludwig looks embarrassed and looks down, causing me to blush angrily.

I shake my head. After handing all the plates, I see a hand shoot in the air. Walking over, I put on a smile.

"Need anything?" I ask. The comments have stopped, sort of, but it has calmed down a bit.

The head turns and I see its Ivan, sipping a cup of tea. He almost spits out his drink. Surprised by the sudden action, I back away. It takes him a full minute before he gives a small laugh.

"Da, you are actually pretty as a girl!" He says, still examining me.

"You don't say…"

"You even have the stockings and the shoes!" He scoffs.

Ivan takes another sip of his tea.

I sulked. Giving a deep breath, I asked again.

"Do you need anything?" I gave an annoyed tone.

Not taking the hint, he taunts me more.

"Have you noticed?" Ivan asks.

I gave him a confused look. How long have I been standing here talking to him? I let out a big sigh.

"Noticed what?"

Still smiling, Ivan moves his index finger in a circular motion.

"Someone has been taking pictures of you."

Immediately I look around. Pictures, where? I should've never let Elizabeta make me wear this! Now I wanted to leave. Turning, I briskly walk over to her, and shoved the tray I was holding. She gave me a confused look.

"I'm done." I say to her, and then walk away. I hear her call out to me.

"Matthew, where are you going!" she yells. "We're not done here."

The dress started to itch and I wanted to take this off badly. The idea of someone taking pictures annoyed me. If people calling me cute and laughing at me didn't bother me enough, someone having a photo of me did. He or she could keep this as a memory, or even worse, put this in the yearbook. Or, even more horrifying, they could sell those pictures, and then everyone has a little keep sake of this event.

I snatch off the cap and gripped it hard. I should've never let Elizabeta do this.

* * *

><p>"There he is!" a boy from my class yells in the halls, rushing to me.<p>

He puts his arm around me and pulls me into the class. As I struggle to get him off, the whole class claps.

"We won Matthew!" Elizabeta yells excitedly. She hugs me and picks me up and twirls me around.

Blushing, I ask, "What did I do?"

She puts both hands on my shoulders. "Because of your brave sacrifice, we get to go to the resort!"

Hearing what Elizabeta says, the class claps and whoops again. She hugs me again and I feel a hand ruffle my hair.

"You do know, it's at the end of the school year, da?" Ivan says, just entering the room.

The class quickly quiets down. I see that Elizabeta eyes widen. "I never knew that!"

Ivan nods, and trots to his seat. Some people groan and mutter at the sudden bad news.

"But anyways…" Francis says. "Look what I got…" he says, in a sing song.

He holds a picture in front of me. It's a photo of me from yesterday. I gasp at the pictures. It's me smiling and talking to a costumer while wearing the same costume. Looking at Francis, he takes the photo back.

"Where do you get that?" I ask angrily, trying to get the picture from him.

He holds his hand up and I jump to get it from him.

_Damn, I can't reach_.

He puts a finger on his mouth. "That's a secret. But other good news, I have more, mon amour."

I calm down as he shows me more. There's a picture of me looking uncomfortable, just when I got outside, a picture of me hold the pieces of cake, a few more and lastly, a picture of me bending down, showing a bit of my grey boxers.

Blushing, I try to snatch the photos again. "Gimmie that!" I yell.

He raises his hand again. "These are très sexy pictures of you mon amour, no need to be angry!"

A few more guys come over to see the commotion. He shows the photo to them, laughing and looking at me.

"Who knew Matthew looks good as a girl! Maybe you should wear a girl uniform." A boy says, eyeing the photos.

The group simultaneously looked at me. Shooting with embarrassment, I gently pushed my way to my seat.

_Who could've taken those photos?_

I would confront him or her, but the damage is already done. Even worse, he or she sold it; they must have other photos of other people too.

Quickly, I sat down in my seat. I nipped my thumb as I was lost in thought. My body warmed up in anxiousness. The whole class continued to enjoy their free hours in homeroom.

_I could just leave this alone._ I thought.

_I could even make a profit out of it…_

I made a joke, but it hasn't loosed my tense expression.

I gasped as a hand was suddenly placed in front of me.

"Still bothered by those pictures?" Ivan asks, leaning on my desk.

_Too close_

I scoot my seat back a little. Ivan picks his chair and places it near me. I sigh, relaxing and shake my head.

"Those pictures are very nice." Ivan chuckles. He licks his lips and leans in front of me.

I raise my eyebrows and give him a look.

"No, not really."

Ivan chuckles and shakes his head.

"Really," I lean back in my seat, my hands behind my head. "I'm starting to think they're gay." I relax my arms in my own shock.

_Look who's talking…_ my conscious says, jokingly.

Ivan smiles and shakes his head again. "Da, they can be idiotic like that."

"But I think it's wrong for that guy to take photos of me and basically sell them." I grumble and lean my head on my hand.

"Who knows, maybe the person is in the school yearbook." Ivani says, shrugging.

"Maybe not." He adds.

I look at him.

"You know who it is…" I say, in realization.

Ivan raises both of his hands in defense.

"Нет, I never said that." He stretches his longs legs and leans back, causing the chair to squeak against the floor.

"Look Ivan," I cross my arms. "I don't like these photos being out publicly. You don't know how it feels."

Despise my tone, Ivan laughs. "Actually I do." Ivan says, giving me a crooked smile.

"You know Natasha," he says, pausing. I nod and he continues. "You should guess what I look when she wants to play salon."

I did imagine the picture. Ivan with crooked lipstick and makeup, maybe his hair in messy pig tails and with girly hair clips.

I laugh at the image. Ivan laughs along with me.

"Da, I wouldn't want pictures like that to be out either…" he says, thinking.

The bell rang and the class being to raise their volume.

"I'll help you look for the culprit." Ivan says, placing his chair back to his desk.

"Really?" I ask, surprised.

_He would do that for me?_

"Da," he smiles. "I wouldn't want pictures of me looking like _that_ go to those idiots." He says laughing.

I sigh in relief, as if the problem itself has disappeared.

* * *

><p><em> The ride home was very slow. Neither of my parents talked to me. I've heard enough of what the principle told them in the office. Her room needs to be more sound proof. Basically she said I was being bullied. She didn't include the most important part, or better yet, she didn't know.<em>

_ Mother cleared her throat before talking. "If-if you want to talk to us about it, you know you can Mattie…"_

_ No, there's no need to talk._

_ I can't be healed anyway._

_I glance at Father._

_ I see him grip the steering wheel, relaxing, and grip again._

_ Does he think I'm a weakling, or does he feel the same concern like mother does?_

_ It doesn't matter for now; I'm soon leaving this dreadful school._

* * *

><p>I let out a big sigh and drop my bag on the floor.<p>

"Math-eww!" Natalia screams and hugs me.

I ruffle her hair and hug her back. "Hey Natalia."

Father is once again, reading the papers. "What's with the big sigh?" he asks.

I groan and Natalia tugs on my fingers.

"I really don't want to talk about it Father."

It would be embarrassing, especially to Father, if I explain the whole me dressing as a maid incident.

"C'mon. You can talk to me." He says, giving me a warm smile.

"Yeah…but no." I say. Natalia tugs me more and I follow her to the small playhouse.

"Come inside Math-ewwww!" She laughs. She opens the small door. I glance at Father who laughs and shrugs.

_ Great help, dad!_

"Uh Natalia, I can't fit in there. I'm too big." I explain. She crosses her arms and gives me an angry look.

"So?" she simply says.

"How about we play a different game?" I suggest.

"Okay! Let's play hair stylist!" Natalia says, not clearly angry anymore.

I widen my eyes. Thinking back to Ivan and him explaining his play dates with Natalia, I shudder at the thought of my hair being completely ruined. Not waiting for a reply, Natalia drags me over to the small seats

Taking a deep breath, I reluctantly follow and act ecstatic over how 'pretty I would look' or 'the girls would like me more'. Please, she doesn't even know what pleases girls. She's probably overjoyed with the fact she has many different hair ribbons versus a girl my age over her first kiss.

Digging through her book bag, she comes over with a glittery purple purse. Smiling innocently at me, she dumps all of the contents onto to table. The pretty colors catching the other girl's eyes in the room, they quickly swarm around the table.

"We're gonna help Math-ewww look pretty!" She smiles happily.

The little girls look overjoyed and each one of them picks up the hair accessories.

_At least Natalia didn't bring make-up_, I chuckle to myself.

After a few tugs on my hair and minutes, the door bust's open.

"Natasha, I'm here!" I hear Ivan's voice call out.

"_Brat_, brother, doesn't Math-eww look pretty!" She says.

I see her little feet run over to Ivan, and she pulls him over here.

I do an inner scream. Great, just great.

"Da, Matvey looks very cute!" he asks, laughing.

Blushing, I quickly pull out the objects tangled into my hair.

"We were playing hair salon!" Natalia explains.

Ivan laughs again. "Next time, he should play make-up artist with you, da?" He teases.

"Sh-shut up. She practically forced me." I say.

"Never trust this girl." Ivan hints.

"Brother, let's go home! We have a wedding to go to!" Natalia whines, putting the materials into her purse.

"Wedding?" I ask.

Ivan smile quickly turns to a frown and a blush seeps to his face.

"Da! Brat and I will get married today!"

Ivan bends down and holds her hand. "Now сестренку, you know brothers and sisters don't get married..."

Before any words can come out of her mouth, Ivan quickly picks her up.

"Well Matvey, see you tomorrow."

Ivan seems to be in a rush to leave now. As if a giant light bulb magically pops above my head, I smirk wickedly.

"Good bye Natalia, and to you too Ivan! Oh send me some pictures of your wedding." I say the last sentence low, making sure only Ivan heard.

Natalia continues to ramble on as Ivan waits patiently, also sending me an evil glare.

Natalia seems to really love her brother. The whole wedding thing can slide since she's young, but the look on Ivan's face seems to tell she has done this before. But still, sweet.

"Isn't Natalia lucky to have a brother like that?" Father says. I look at him and see he has the same feeling as me. Well, the brother-sister relationship part.

"I remember when you were little." Father says, daydreaming. He smiles slightly.

"Yeah, I wish I had a younger sibling." I say.

"Yeah, why don't we take one of these kids home with us?" Father jokes loudly, enough for the kids to turn their heads. They protest that they'll tell their mothers or fathers. The both of us laugh, and Father goes back to reading his paper.

I sighed, the warm feeling still remaining.

_Ivan is really nice._

* * *

><p>"Are you going to that basketball game this weekend?" Elizabeta asks, chewing on a straw. The usual group is here, Me, Lilli, Ivan, Elizabeta and a couple others. It's been pretty hectic because of that game. Every student is putting flyers and ignoring the regular school work. But the teachers are also at fault too. They started conversations on who would win and of course Mr. Wade had betted the other team would win. If we did win, he would pay at least each of us $10, we would do so if he won the bet.<p>

"This bet is fun Ve~?" Feliciano says, chewing on gum. "We have Luddy on our school's team so we'll win."

Ludwig blushes, but then scolds Feliciano '_didn't I tell you not to call me Luddy!'_.

"Well," Elizabeta started. "A bet is a bet, and besides, isn't it weird we're playing against our own school?" She asks us, making sure her question reaches everyone.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask, slurping my milk.

Elizabeta shook her head. "There's a few other school's called Hetalia, so it's kind of stupid to compete with a fellow Hetalian."

I laugh at the new ethnicity she gave us..._Hetalians._

"Da, she does have a point." Ivan joins in, swallowing what he was chewing. "I just don't know what those people were thinking." I guess by those people, he means the principle.

"So are you going Matthew?" Lilli asks, licking her fingers. She tilts her head and adds another chip to her mouth.

"Uhhh…" I don't think I really want to go. "Well, sports aren't really my thing, except for Hokey."

"Who cares about sports? It's all about school spirit!" Elizabeta whoops, raising her fist slightly to prove her point.

"You're coming either way, mon amour; it'll be another date between you and Lilli." Francis says. The group wooes, and both Lilli and I blush and turn away. Luckily, before the others, especially Elizabeta could make a comment, the lunch bell rings, a signal that lunch is over. Everyone packs their things.

Throwing away my trash, I feel fingers tapping my shoulder. "Matthieu, mon amour, if you need any tips, ask me…" Quickly realizing its Francis, I turn around.

Tips, what does he mean by tips? "Relationship advice l'amour." He gives a small smile.

My face shoots red from embarrassment. _Relationship advice?_ The idea of asking Francis for advice was more embarrassing then looking on the internet. My face still warm, I hurried my things and left. He doesn't seem to be dating anyone, but the way he acts, he seems to be surprisingly experienced. The way Francis flirts with girls _and_ boys, like me for example. He thinks I don't see what he is doing, but I do. Either he's openly bisexual or just playing around. I prefer the second option.

During all of my classes, I thought about the game. I wasn't too concerned about it, but I haven't been this involved with school like this unlike my other school.

_More like even asked to hang out with anyone for that matter…_

Immediately my heart sank. I haven't thought about that in a while. I clenched my fist in anger. How is it that I could make amazing friends here when I couldn't there? I glanced at the teacher, who is moving his hands franticly and writing on the board, then at my classmates. I've gotten along with most of them, some beyond the acquaintance level since we hanged out outside of school, but not quite yet to call a true friend.

I was never good with chatting, but it seems I've cracked that shell. Or more like the hyper Italian dragging me to some people and started striking conversation. Everyone was nice, regardless if I was shy at first. Continuing an endless conversation in my head, I suddenly halted at the thought of Lilli. I was still lying to her. The fact that I'm still with her just seals the deal. I feel no problem with this relationship, since I don't feel attracted to her, but what about her? Of course, girls are very emotional (from what I've read), and they take it seriously. What would happen if she finds out I'm gay? I bet Lilli and everyone around her would feel furious. I used her as a cover up. She was basically only useful for that.

In some ways, I thought this was a useful experience. I've never went out with anyone but it seems I'm doing well. She's shy but easy to talk to and nice. Yeah, I get shy with her too but it feels nice that I know what I'm doing makes her happy. But the main problem is still the attraction. I didn't like her for one, and what would happen when the time comes for kissing, as in lips to lips?

I snapped back to reality and began writing nothing important.

_I don't want to go there…_

I tried listening to the teacher but I couldn't help but try to solve the problem in my head. What would happen if I did break up with her? Her friends would be furious. They would take their friends side and bash their hateful words on me. I wouldn't want the class to flip on me, but I don't want this to continue to a point where I can't handle this.

"Done daydreaming Matthew?" our Chemistry teacher Ms. Lora came over to me, banging her ruler on top of my desk. I jumped in my seat, nearly tipping. The kids laugh and she hushes them to quiet down. I clear my throat and part my eyes back to the board.

* * *

><p>"Defense!"<p>

The crowd stomps their feet, causing the benches to shake.

"Defense!"

Another stomp.

"Look we're winning!" Elizabeta nearly screams at me, trying to overshadow the loud crowd. She shakes her pom-poms, and boos' when the other team has scored a basket. Lilli said she couldn't make it because her brother came back from college.

I clear my throat; it became really dry and hoarse from yelling and whooping. I smile at Elizabeta who again, whoops with the crowd. I clap, clearing my throat again.

"Da, screaming a lot is bad…" Ivan says, coming closer to my ear.

"Yeah, my throat is already dry!" I swallowed hard, trying to make my throat moisten. The crowd, possibly our school, boos' again. I look at the score board.

**10- US**

**7 OTHER  
><strong>

_Looks like they're catching up_.

I glance back at the players. I could almost hear their panting, and a few yells of '_I'm open!_'. Loud squeaks of sneakers constantly filled the gym room. The game was held at our school and most of our students are acting a little fanatical. I've heard them yell things like '_You suck!_' or '_Go home!_', but I guess the other school would've done the same to us.

Another boo, and Elizabeta slumps down into the metal seat. She holds a bag of chips and extends them to me. I take one and she comps in anger.

"They just got 3 points!" Elizabeta says to me. Basketball is confusing to me. Before the game started, Elizabeta and Ivan tried to explain to me. All I remember is that 3 points are given when you shoot from a far distance. I glance at the score board and see that our team still remains at 10 points, while the other school has gained 4 more points, making is 10- US, 11- OTHER.

I think I shouldn't be here. I guess I've should've been investigation who our school was playing against. I scan the other school, sitting on the other side of the benches. Our school is playing against my old school. My heart sank thinking about it. Will I see some of my old classmates? For now, I don't see anyone familiar, or in other words, I can't, since people keep standing up.

I felt my back sweat. Before coming here, I've set out a plan. I would say I needed to go home and that would be all. Ivan and Elizabeta would understand, since they know I take the train. Gnawing on my sweater string, I kept looking down.

"Something wrong Matvey?" Ivan asks, obviously reading through me.

I shake my head to him. A few more whoops and boos later, I excuse myself. I run to the boy's bathroom and wash my face. Drying, I lay against the wall. Maybe I should leave now, just to make sure I don't face them. Standing motionless, I cringed at the thought of one year ago. Biting my lip, I wash my face again. I smack my face a little and dry up again.

The familiar loud crowd fills my ear drums as I take my seat. Elizabeta is yelling through a paper megaphone and Ivan is calmly sitting down.

"She doesn't even know much about basketball." Ivan says to me.

I glace at her, seeing her boo again and droop back to her seat, her face still angry. "I guess we owe Mr. Wade $10 each." She laughs, but her face tells otherwise.

I give her a shrug and she continues to cheer. "Doesn't she ever get tired?" I asked Ivam.

He leans forward to take a look at her. Elizabeta is currently sitting, fanning herself with her hand. She catches both of us looking and smiles. She clears her throat, then immediately stands up in anger. I turn back to Ivan and we both scoff a laugh.

"Oh my god!" Elizabtea yells, turning to us. Everyone at once get's up, I guess the game is over now. As Elizabeta groans, we slowly head out, the main entrance filled with people leaving out. It was really dark out, since the game said it'll end at night.

The sudden cold air quickly sooths my wamr cheeks.

I opened my phone and checked the time.

"Mattie, you want us to wait with you?" Elizabeta asks.

"Da, I could wait with you as well, since I'm waiting for a ride also." Ivan says texting and glancing at me in between.

My phone vibrated and I opened it. It was a text from my Father saying he'll come soon.

"Yeah, that'll be cool."

We moved aside and waited by the side buildings. Other people were waiting too, or at least loitering. After a few minutes, both the basketball players, some still in their jerseys, arrive. We all clap and woot, and some people, possibly their friends give them hugs or a hive five.

"So Matthew…" Elizabeta starts.

I rub my hands together and look at her.

"You sad that Lilli couldn't arrive?" She asks, getting closer to me.

I snap my tongue and shove her playfully. "Da, Matvey must be lonely!" Ivan smiles, joining Elizabeta's bullying.

"Matthew…is that you?"

Simultaneously, all of us look up. There's a group of guys, probably five and some of them are in jersey pants. I examine all of their faces and immediately I recognize the one speaking.

"G-G-Gilbert?" I stutter.

My heart skins as he smiles when he notices I could identify him.

"Hey look, it's the fa-"

_Fag?_

Secretly, Gilbert elbows the person behind him, making the guy grunt in pain. He continues to smile.

"Been a year man, how you've been?" he ask, nonchalantly.

I slightly clear my throat. Behind Gilbert's group snickers and whispers. I glance at Ivan and Elizaveta, who seem to be into our conversation, though a little confused.

"Um, I've been good." I reply.

"Oh, great game. I could of sworn we were gonna win." Elizabeta says. I sighed, mentally thanking her that she has lifted some of the strange atmosphere a little.

"Oh yeah, I thought we were gonna loose in the beginning, but I guess we had luck. I'm Gilbert by the way." He extends his hand to Elizabeta.

"Elizabeta, nice to meet you and this is Ivan." She says, shaking and then pointing at Ivan.

"Da, nice to meet you."

Gilbert smile slightly fades, but then brightens again.

"So um, how do you two know each other?" Elizabeta asks, sort of confused look on her face.

I was about to speak but Gilbert interrupts.

"Oh he used to go to our school, but he left so suddenly. I was meaning to ask you about that…" He turns to me.

"What happened man?"

I started to feel annoyed how Gilbert talked to me as if we were friends.

"Oh um, my Father found a better raise here, so we moved." I thought about adding '_I'm sorry_' but I stopped myself.

Gilbert nods and the door bust open.

"Bruder!" a voice calls.

Gilbert and everyone, turn their heads to see whose calling.

"West, I was waiting for you. What took you so long?" Gilbert says, irritated.

Ludwig burst through the doors, panting slightly and his skin glistening.

"Sorry, Bruder, but I was cleaning myself. It wouldn't help to have some patience." He holds up a large duffle bag.

_Bruder?_

_As in brother?  
><em>

Ludwig and Gilbert are brothers? They look nothing alike. Seeing us, Ludwig gives a nod and a polite hello.

"Ja, so let's go. You're lucky the awesome me hasn't left you." He laughs. I would think Gilbert would leave but he turns to me again.

"I'll see you later Matthew." Gilbert halfway leaving, I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"Now we know what school you transferred from." Elizabeta says.

"Ah, sorry about that." I apologies.

"At least we know they have good basketball players, da?" Ivan says, looking up at me.

Looking back at the now large group, my heart beats franticly. What did Gilbert mean by '_see you again_'? First of all, he's from a different school, -how-many-miles-away- I don't know. Second, it made me more nervous that he would want to see me again. What does Gilbert want? Does he want to torment me more?

My heart dropped again. Does he want _service?_ I turn my eyes to Gilbert. As if sensing that my eyes are on him, he turns back. Gasping a little, I freeze. Is he going to come back and talk to me again? Instead, Gilbert smiles and gives me a wave.

What about Ludwig? Does he know what happened between us? It's not likely a good conversation to have with a brother. Discuss how your day went and Gilbert bursts out saying, '_My day went well, like how I had fun bullying an un-awesome boy named Matthew. How about you?_'

My phone vibrates and I jump a little. Flipping it open, I read the message.

"Guys, guess I'm leaving first." I say. I look around for a red car. I glance back at Elizabeta.

"Oh bye. I guess I'll see you next week?" She says, lying against the wall. I nod to her.

Ivan flashes a smile at me. "Da, see you Matvey."

I walk over to the side walk and the red car immediately parks in front of me. I open the door and hop inside.

"Hey kiddo…how was the game?" Father asks.

I snap my seat belt and press my hands against the heater. "Well, we loss, so…" I trail off.

Father get's out of parking mode or whatever and starts driving. "Well, who did you play against?"

"It was against my old school…" I said, trailing off.

Father made a sharp turn, causing me to slide. "Oh really? Did you see some of your old friends?" He asked, taking a quick look at me.

_Old friends._

"No. Not really." I said blandly. I leaded against the seat, bringing my knees up to the dashboard.

But instead, my heart was thumping.

* * *

><p><em>"Matthew, I want to show you something." <em>

_ Father is up in my new room. I haven't unboxed anything yet and all around the house, there seems to be endless square cardboard sitting around._

_ I looked at him confused, but follow him. He tells me we're going out and grabs his keys from the counter._

_ Blasting the A/C, he gives no hints to where we're going._

_ "You're going to love it Mattie!" is all he says. _

_ Driving a few miles away from the house, I look out the window, though my mind wasn't focused out there. Both my parents had made attempt to bring up my mood. Take me out to the movies, showed me around the neighborhood, etc. I followed, though my spirit wasn't into the activities._

_ Pulling up to a building, Father continues to tell me how 'I'll love it' and 'I won't get enough of it'. A blast of cold air hits my arms and I shiver, though comforting in this summer heat. Looking up at Father, he only smiles more and we continue to drag on the long hallway._

_ "Williams, how you been!" a chubby man yells happily._

_ "Coach Rivas, long time no see! Lucky I found you again!" He shakes Rivas's hand and they both turn to me._

_ "Matthew, how do you fell about joining Mr. Rivas's hokey team?" Father says, smiling gleefully._

_ I widen my eyes. Over my few years in middle school, I've been introduced to Hokey through Father. He would show me his trophies of when he was in High school, and quickly, I started watching the games with him. I actually told him I had a somewhat interest, but Father actually took it too far, but not in a bad way. He would actually go this far to make me less depressed._

_ "Uh, I never played Hokey before though…"_

_ "It's okay boy, we're having a program and taking in beginners. You won't join right away though." Mr. Rivas says, adjusting his cap._

_ I glance at Father who still has that smile planted on his face. What if I said no?_

_ "S-sure…"_

_ "Great! But it's a lot of hard work Mattie. Are you committed to it?" Father says seriously._

_ "Y-yeah. I've wanted to try it out…" I half lie. Thought the feeling has been there, I didn't want to take it into action._

_ "Okay, you start next week."_

* * *

><p>I'll try to input Matthew playing Hokey, but that's the least important thing in my mind.<p>

Oh and yay!

Found a new editor.

Shout out to **Yanatta** for actually wanting to edit my piece of crap story.

But please...stop disabling PM!

*Forever Alone face*

* * *

><p><strong>Another Note<strong>:

Belarus has two names.

Natalia and Natasha.

Google, don't blame me.


	5. Chapter 5

Yay! I finished this chapter!

Also I have 704 Visitors! WOOT.

A little small, but still enough to make me happy.

You guys rock!

This chapter made me a little sad.

* * *

><p><em>With great force I never knew I had, I pushed the other opponent down. Taking a deep breath, I paid no attention to the sudden yelp and skidding across the ice.<em>

_ Two other rivals stand in front of me, defending._

_ I let my teammate handle the one on the right, while I deal with the left. Pushing my legs harder, I twirl around my opponent as he tries to jut me with his forearm, and push him away._

_ Only you and me now…._

_ I drive the puck in the middle, hopping the defender expected the puck to come from either corner._

_ In a rush of adrenaline, he moves his stick to the right, seeing the puck slide that direction, but then it makes its indented route and strikes the net._

_ Then a loud buzz echo's throughout rink and I let out my breath._

_ "Fuck you!"_

_My helmet gets knocked off as well as my body colliding with the cold floor. A body comes on top of me and I see a fist pulling back._

_ Just in time, I move my head to the left; take a fistful of the boy's jersey and throw him to the side. His helmet connects with the ice and then vibrates off of his head, like a ball thrown to the ground. Before he can react, I jump on top of him, tighten my grip of his shirt and sling my fist to his face._

_ Now is when the referee comes and breaks us apart. Both teams swarm around us, each taking their teammates in a bear hug and dragging them away. Feeling blood trickle down my cheek, I throw the middle finger and spit in their direction._

_ Well fuck you too._

* * *

><p>I hum while walking my way to school.<p>

_Distract yourself…just distract yourself…._

Maybe I should just be homeschooled. Better than just making a fool of myself.

_Oh look, a pretty white pigeon…_

No use, my mind quickly drifts to Gilbert and my new added problem, Ludwig.

Sadly enough, I dreamt of Gilbert's smirk and his taunts all over again. Ludwig was there also, joining him. Now I have a tiny bit of fear of Ludwig. At the game, compared to Gilbert, Ludwig is really built. His muscles more defined than Gilbert. But I know not to judge; I can just presume Gilbert is just as strong.

I rub my temples, a streak of pain slowly escalating. The rapid heartbeats that came after I woke up appeared again. I stop in my tracks and squeeze my eyes.

_Calm down…_

Deep breath in…

And out…

I slowly open my eyes. The shrilling thumps are slowly decreasing as well as the pain in my temples. Taking water out of my bag, I gulp down half of the bottle and continue walking.

* * *

><p>"Hello Matvey~!"<p>

Just as I was sitting down, I face Ivan, who looks cheerfully at me. I was about to reply with a boring greeting, but then I thought of something more devious.

"Hey Ivan, how was your wedding?"

Ivan' face suddenly grew darker and his smile faded.

"Please do not start with that Matvey. You have no idea how crazy Natalia is."

I giggle at the remark. "I think its sweet Natalia has a sisterly love for you!"

"Da, at first it was, but then it started getting annoying." Ivan rubbed his eyes.

"But it's still cute."

My heart warmed at the thought. I can just imagine Ivan on a Saturday morning. Ivan and Natalia making breakfast, possible pancakes, since that's the only breakfast I can think of them making and because it's my favorite. Also Katyusha helping by making shapes out of the pancakes. Lately I have gotten close to her. She's really nice but also a crybaby, which contradicts her appearance. First hearing about her, I would've thought she was snobby.

_Why am I thinking about Ivan…?_

"Matvey?"

"Oh," I snap out of my deep thought. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What were you saying?"

Ivan opened his mouth but then closed it. "нет, noting important."

I shrugged it off as Mr. Wade made his way into the classroom.

"All of you chipmunks owe me ten bucks each!" Mr. Wade slams his books on the desk and smiles widely.

The whole class groans and some objects.

I've totally forgotten for a moment…

_Gilbert…_

* * *

><p>I was thrilled to know school finally ended. The whole gang and I walk out, but then parts, leaving only Elizabeta, Ivan and me. Lilli once again left, saying she's really happy to spend time with her older brother, Vash, since he came back from college. She says they have a very strong brother-sister bond and that made me think of Ivan once again.<p>

We were all talking; well it was mostly Elizabeta complaining that she wouldn't pay Mr. Wade since she never agreed to the bet (which is obviously untrue since she made a whole scene on how '_we will win of course!_'), when I hear Feliciano's loud voice.

"Ve~ Gilbert! It's been a while no?"

I swear, can't my day get any worse? As if a chain reaction to his _damn_ name, my heart starts beating rapidly.

"Matvey, something wrong?" Ivan asks.

"W-what? N-no…nothing…"

"Isn't Gilbert once of your old friends? We should go say hi!" Elizabeta says, already trotting over.

Unable to think of anything else, I pull on Elizabeta's arm and pull her into a hug. She slightly yelps in surprise, but then giggles.

"If you wanted a hug, you should've asked!"

Completely forgetting about Gilbert, she twirls me around and makes a lot of squealing noises. I glance at Ivan and see he's laughing.

"Now Matvey, I get a hug too, da?"

"No Ivan, Matthew is mine! You'll have to wait your turn!"

A blush forms on my face. "A-ah, what? T-turns?"

Elizabeta lets go and examines my face. "You're such a cutie Mattie-Wattie!" She coos. I raise my eyebrows at the new nickname she gave me.

Unintentionally, Elizabeta twirls my hair curl on her fingers. The sudden touch and action deepens my blush and I let a little moan escape my lips. Hurriedly, I cover my mouth. Elizabeta quickly filches her hand back and looks at me uncertainly.

"W-what was that…?"

"Come Matvey, we need to go to the daycare."

Ivan grabs my hand and drags me away from Elizabeta before she can ask any further questions. Once hearing Elizabeta's voice, Ivan quickly jogs, and then turns into a run.

"I-Ivan?"

We were halfway away from the school. Ivan now lets go of my hand and walks normally, a little out of breath.

"I won't tell your secret Matvey." Ivan smiles generously.

"W-what secret?" I ask stupidly. I know very well what he means.

Ivan points at my curl. "That is…how you say it…your _erogenous zone_, da?"

I fiddle with my fingers. I haven't known that was my erogenous zone until Mother pulled it by accident. We were alone, thank god Father wasn't home, and Mother had gotten curious why it grew abnormally. She accidentally tugged it and the same thing happened, I moaned and quickly got aroused. It was worse when she didn't say anything at all afterwards, just gave a little smile.

"N-no, that's uh…!"

Ivan again smiles kindly and continues to walk. I follow behind, thankful he hasn't said anymore. We soon arrive at the daycare and the receptionist once again greets me.

"Mattie! You're here! You're kind of late though…" he pouts.

I've come to learn the receptionist is actually a '_he'_. His long brown hair makes him look like a female! Well I'm a hypocrite to say that, but my first thought of when I met him was '_What a weird lady…'_. His name is Mr. Lorinaitis, but he likes to be called by his first name, Toris.

"Hey Toris! Yeah I ran into…" I glance at Ivan. "A little problem on the way…"

"Oh, well then. Natalia was waiting for the both of you!"

We both nod, thanking Toris and walk over to my father's classroom. Ivan slowly opens the door, as if a bomb would set off. The room actually looks like a bomb _did_ set of, no surprise there.

"You're both here!" Natalia hugs Ivan, and then surprisingly she comes over to hug me.

"Sorry I couldn't come early and play with you Natalia." I apologize.

She hugs me tighter and tugs on my shirt until I kneel down to her height.

"Brat said we can't get married…" Natalia whimpers.

_Aww!_

"It's okay Natalia..." I hug her more kindheartedly. I glance at Ivan who turns his head away shyly. I rub her back and she quickly recovers.

"Okay! Let's go home!" She runs over to get her belongings.

"Da, but I haven't gotten my hug from Matvey yet!"

Ivan was being serious? Immediately I blush at the request. I've always hugged girls, but never guys. I seen guys hug quick and fast, in a joking way.

"Uh…okay."

I let go of Natalia and briskly walk over to Ivan, due to my nervousness. He gives a jovial laugh and pulls me close. Ivan then rests his chin on top of my head and inhales deeply.

"I've always wondered who smelled like raspberries and sweets in class." He gives another big sniff.

Immediately I blush. It's not my fault I find Mother's shampoos smelling better than Fathers'. Rather, his shampoos really burn my nose. Though, I do find fond of his newly bought Chocolate Axe body spray I secretly stole from him, so he at least has a sense of smell.

"Am I interrupting a bromance moment here?"

Father's voice suddenly startles me. I gently push away from Ivan and glance at Father. I figure he was in the bathroom, since he's shaking his hands as if he's drying. Then Father smiles.

"If you're giving out hugs, I should get one at least!"

He pulls me into a hug and laughs. "I haven't hugged you since you were little and crying!"

Father ruffles my hair and I make sure he doesn't touch the curl. Unsure, I slowly wrap my arms around him. True, I haven't had this type of affection from Father. He would leave the hugging and kissing to Mother, while he took the roll of hard punches on the arm and pats on the back.

"Well, I will be seeing you later Mr. Williams, and до свидания Matvey~!"

I turn my head to see Natalia fully clothed in her sweater and book bag, with Ivan smiling. I push away from Father, who seems to tighten his hug by the second.

"Yeah, see you."

I guess he was saying goodbye in Russian. I actually feel stupid for not noticing he was Russian in the first place. Natalia waves and says her farewell as well.

After they leave, I fidget at the hug Ivan gave me. It was an awkward but nice feeling at the same time. I also got a whiff of what Ivan smelled like too. He smells like fresh sunny sunflowers on a summer, grassy field. I felt I was actually in a sunflower field, the sun just the right temperature to feel comfortable and the wind blowing adequately. Must be the cologne he's wearing.

Father gives another laugh as they leave. "You smell just like your Mother! What, you've been using her products?" Father says jokingly.

I give him a playful punch as he laughs more.

* * *

><p>I think I started a new trend, which involves me. Mostly a trend for Elizabeta. Ever since I hugged her, every chance she gets, she starts coming like a lion who's hunting.<p>

"What! It's nice to hug you! You smell very good, just like a girl!" She says, hugging me from behind. I can feel her nose against my neck, inhaling. I asked her why she started hugging me randomly and this was the answer she gave me.

"Ohohoh~! I as well would want a hug from sweet Matthieu." Francis says, making his way over.

"N-no! No more hugs!" I try to complain. I'm a little angered at how they said I smell like a girl, though it is kind of my fault. But what can I say, Mother's products smell good!

Oblivious to my protests, Francis grabs me and rubs his short, scruffy beard against my cheek. He does a quick sniff and moans lightly into my ear, sending a sea of red across my face.

"You're right; Matthieu does smell like a lady! I smell _le chocolat_ on you l'amour." I can feel his grin across my cheek.

Immediately, I push him away. "You're a p-pervert Francis!"

The group automatically laughs. Francis grabs my hand and kisses it gently.

"Only for you, l'amour." He purrs. He looks at me and winks. Instantly, I snatch my hand away and rub the wet kiss away.

"Yeah Franics, sure!" Elizabeta scoffs. "Those were the same words you said to me. Now leave Mattie alone or I'll beat you with my pencil case!" She shoots death rays at Francis, challenging him to say something witty.

Francis backs away, laughing. "But you fell for it, didn't you l'amour?" Francis then runs, knowing Elizabeta would come over and beat him, which she did.

Walking across the classroom, I willed myself to relax my heart. The attention I got made me happy, honestly. But at the same time, it gave me a small, unobtrusive feeling of loneliness. I try to tell myself that I'm not lonely anymore, but my body wouldn't listen. That tiny feeling of loneliness would come back slowly and settle, and quickly as it came, it was gone.

I turned to Ivan for our routine of morning greetings, but I felt a little uncomfortable when I catch him staring at me.

"S-something wrong?"

Ivan quickly snaps out of his daze but with a little angry expression on his face. "нет, nothing is wrong." Then Ivan returns to his warm, childish smile. "Good morning Matvey~!"

I shake off the feeling and smile back. "Hey Ivan."

We continue to make small talk until Mr. Wade makes his usual appearance through the doors.

* * *

><p>I quickly rush to the daycare. This morning Father said there will be a parent's meeting and he'll need help with some things. I'm guessing he needs all the help he can get, knowing his room is such a mess.<p>

_Why can't he admit his kids are just plain evil? _I chuckle to myself.

I made no time for small talk with my friends, but I have gotten text from Ivan.

**Ivan says**: Where did you go? I thought we were going to go walk together. =[

Okay let's face it, I quickly ran out because I was afraid Gilbert would be at the school entrance again. Childish of me, I know. But why can't Gilbert leave me alone? My stomach uproars just at the mention of his name! Two days already passed since his 'visit' and I'm hoping I'm safe.

**Matthew says**: im srry! my pop asked me to help at the DC. u know how crazy they can be! ..

Ivan quickly texts back.

**Ivan says**: Yes, I understand! I'll be there a little late, so stick with my sister okay?

I give him a quick yes and tucked my phone into my pocket. I remember taking out my phone and Natalia made a prank call. She called my Mother and told her she's getting married. I had to snatch the phone from her before Mother can make any types of assumptions.

"Math-eww, you're here!" Natalia quickly runs over to hug me.

I hug her bag and twirl her around. "You look so pretty today with that new glittery bow Natalia!"

She giggles and smiles at the compliment. Setting her down, she wobbles a bit, dizzily, and touches her bow. "Thank you! My sister Katyusha helped me pick it out!"

I turn my head when I hear a rustling of newspapers. "Time to start your job kiddo." Father smirks.

I groan at the list of things I have to do. The worst of all is I'll have to get some supplies from the supply closet, which is a lot of thing. Finishing the easy ones like, vacuuming, cleaning the small windows and hanging up artwork, the worst has finally come.

"Can I help?" Natalia ask, moving side to side.

I shake my head. "Not unless you want to get eaten by monster! It's dark and scary in there!" I give a little '_rawr!' _for more effect.

"It's okay!" She smiles cutely. "If they attack me, I can stab them!" She holds up a small pink ruler as proof.

Gasping, I click my tongue at her. "You shouldn't say that."

_Such a violent girl!_

"Don't you want me to protect you?" She jabs her index finger to her check, and twirls it around.

I giggle at her attempts to persuade me. "It's okay, you can take her." Father says to me, laughing.

Nodding, I hold Natalia's hand and skip out of the room.

"So Natalia, what are you doing?" Toris asks from behind the desk.

"I'm helping Math-eww!" She lifts my hand then swings it.

I shake my head and mouth '_no she isn't_' and Toris laughs and tells us to have fun. The hallway of the daycare is really long and both Natalia and I take our time and act silly. We dance in the hallway and I pretend to be in slow motion which earned a cute laugh from Natalia. We were lucky enough that someone didn't pop out their head and told us to be quiet, but I told Natalia to keep her volume at a level.

"We have now arrived at the storage room," I say in a pilot voice. "ARE…YOU…READY…?" I say the last one in an announcer voice and earn another cute giggle from Natalia.

Smiling, I open the door slowly and look inside. I'm a little skeptical about this room. No, scratch that. More like going to this room. I feel like something bad is going to happen.

"Are you scared?" Natalia ask, not a devious taunt in her tone.

"No, but are you?" I say to her creepily and jump into the room. I narrow my eyes and look for the light switch. After finding it, I motion for Natalia to come. Just taking a quick glance, I can tell this room hasn't been used frequently. From corners I can see cobwebs and on top of boxes, building dust.

"Natalia stay here. It's dusty in here."

Natalia nods and I look over the list again. There are at least seven boxes I need to look through to get twelve files. Maybe I shouldn't have brought Natalia. This is going to take some time. Well, at least the list is descriptive enough. I call Natalia over only to let her carry some files, and she quickly scurries away when she sees a cobweb or anything else that disgusts her. We both work in complete silence except for small talks consisting of '_icky spiders'_ or '_baby cockroaches living in that hole'_.

Then I heard a light whisper.

"Shh…okay?"

Who was that? Already looking for file number five, I pause, not wanting to turn around. Is that Father or even Ivan trying to scare me? I was in the far corner of the room, which didn't receive much light. I can practically hear the Jaws theme playing. If that person is trying to scare me, it's working already….

"Hey Birdie, missed me?"

I turn around and immediately I was pinned to the wall. My head bumps into the brick wall and I hiss in pain. My eyes trail to those scarlet eyes, down that body, and back to his eyes. I could feel my blood practically incinerate inside my own skin. He gave a light smirk at my obvious surprised expression and licks his lips.

"'Cause I missed you."

Without warning, Gilbert cups my cheek and all I can do was hear the earsplitting beats of my own heart. My vision blurs as I feet hot liquid roll down my cheeks. I part my mouth slightly to make a sound, _any _noise, or even _breathe_, but my attempted actions were halted by lips.

The touch of those lips burns as if someone dumped a bottle of rubbing alcohol on a serious wound. Gilbert presses his body closer to mine, blocking any space between us. He then slowly rubs his body against mine. I gasp at the action and he leisurely slides his tongue into my mouth. He nips at my mouth tenderly and licks my lips. I would think he was doing this as if we were lov-

_NO!_

"Math-eww?"

Natalia's apprehensive voice suddenly got louder. I look out of the corner of my eyes to see that Natalia is slowly making her way over here. Gilbert brings his knee to my crotch and slowly rubs. I reluctantly groan into his mouth at the action. My body heats up and I could feel sweat trickling down my back. A loud, wet noise was made as Gilbert yanks his head slightly. I can see Natalia's leg just in front of us.

"Go away kid, we're busy."

His infuriated tone sends chills down my spine and makes Natalia whimper. She sucks in a deep breath and I could hear her running away. Just before leaving audible range, I could hear a little sniffle, as if she's crying. He gives a low growl and turns back to me. His knee is now removed and one of his arms is wrapped around my waist, his hand squeezing my butt cheek.

"I was lonely when you left…"

His voice alone sends another tremble to my body. He smiles and brings his hand up to my cheek. He gently rubs away a tear but another trickles down. Gilbert rubs his thumb under my eye and uses his remaining fingers to rubs against my earlobe and neck. The skin he touches feels like its on fire and I let another gasp escape.

He quickly brings his lips back to mine and this time sucks on my upper lip. He brings his hand to my hair and runs through it, accidently brushing against my curl. I moan loudly and I can feel Gilbert smirk.

"You like this, don't you?"

He gives a low chuckle and slides his tongue into my mouth again. More tears pour and I shut my eyes completely. Gilbert parts a few inches and I feel ashamed that my tongue follows him. He blows on my lips, giving me sick and, at the same time, a shameful, erotic, tingling feeling to my whole body. He wastes no time to plunge his tongue back inside.

"Matvey?"

It was fait, but I hear it. Hearing my name again, I nudge against Gilbert. Another loud wet sound was made as we part. I was now more aware and in control of my actions. Growling at the disturbance, Gilbert comes near again.

"Don't do this to me again! Leave me alone!" I rush my words, sobbing loudly. I brought both my forearms up, as if he had a knife and I was protecting myself.

Gilbert lifts his hand to my hair again and yanks roughly. My curl joins the other strands and the pull makes me moan incredibly loud. Gilbert brings his lips to me roughly, his teeth clacking against mine. He breathes inside my mouth and it makes my insides gurgle in disgust.

"Matvey? Matvey is something wrong?"

_That's Ivan's voice!_

"I-Ivan!" I scream, breathing through Gilbert's kisses.

Gilbert yanks my hair harder, growling and earning another shrill moan from me. Thankfully, I can hear Ivan's shoes stomp against the floor. Earning more confidence and knowing I'll be saved from this, I smack Gilbert.

Not a petty smack. I grab all my strength and smack him with all I had. But, I regret it after the look he gave me. Gilbert stumbles back and gave a small yelp, but then recomposes himself and presses his lips against my ear, rubbing it lightly.

"W-why?" I plead in his ear.

Gilbert says nothing and gives my cheek a quick, possibly a lovingly kiss. At the same time, he brushes his fingers against my hand, as if he wants to hold it. During the whole situation, I didn't notice I was griping my hand. I was clutching it so hard, I can feel my knuckles almost busting out of my skin. Gilbert's gentle action makes me relax a bit and he grasps my ring finger and pinkie, as if he was a child.

Continuing this for a few seconds, I slowly calm down. Gilbert gave a last squeeze, and brings his lips back to mine. I automatically tense as he kisses me deeply like before.

Then I feel Gilbert yank off of me, as if a giant hand pulls him away. The sudden force makes me stumble forward as well, but I was caught in the hands of Ivan.

"Matvey are you okay?"

Those words instantly brought me to tears, but tears of relief and great misery at the same time. My temples begin to throb, just like the time I woke up from my nightmare. I whimper in pain as I clutch Ivan for dear life.

"What…? I thought-" Ivan paused himself and I try to stay quiet, though it was futile. I manage to lower my volume a bit.

"I suggest you leave. Now!"

I paid no attention to the muttered cussing or the scoff made from the albino. But his last words made my temples pound harder; "I'll see you later Mattie."

Falling to the floor, I let myself do what feels right. Both my hands scrunch up against my face as my knuckles hit the floor, my knees up to my chest, in a fetal position. I can't breathe, and if I do, I start wheezing. The rapid breathing aches my chest, making me sob more which makes everything worse.

"Please," I struggle. I feel Ivan's warm hand rub my back. "Don't tell anyone!" I keep repeating the words, hoping Ivan would comply with my request.

"Math-eww?" I hear Natalia's concerned voice and it makes me bawl more.

"Wait there Natalia." Ivan orders.

I jump from my position and hug Ivan. I want to smell that calming sunflower scent, even just a little bit. I claw my fingers into Ivan's back, as if the scent I'm hoping for would go away.

"Please! Don't tell anyone!" I repeat.

Ivan continues to rub my back and rocks back and forth, as if I'm a baby, needing to go to sleep. My breathing slowly goes to normal, though, with a few hiccups. My wish is granted and my nostrils are filled with Ivan's familiar scent. Taking a deep breath, I let go of Ivan and wipe my eyes.

I force myself to breath. It finally struck me and I looked down, embarrassed to even look at Ivan. I was just crying in front of him. Flinching as he moves, I take another deep breath. Ivan places his hand in front of me and I look up at him.

"You should get washed up, da?"

Without waiting for an answer, Ivan picks me up slowly. Even if I move gradually, my head throbs at each movement. We both slowly walk to the washroom, Ivan and Natalia both waiting outside as I enter.

I splash water on my face and look into the mirror. I really look like shit. Underneath my eyes was red and my lips a little fuller in color. I quickly turn on the cold water and hoped the redness will calm down.

_Why always to me!_

I grip the porcelain sink.

_I wish I could just die…_

"Matvey," Ivan's voice muffles through the door. "Are you done?"

Wetting my face for the last time, I open the doors. Ivan stands by the door, a small sympathetic smile on his face and Natalia grasping his hand for dear life. She wipes her eyes.

"Math-eww, are you okay?" she asks, sniffling.

I try giving her the most believable smile I could. "Yes, I'm fine. No need to worry."

"That man was scary! He's a mean friend."

Natalia's comment silences me. Gilbert is nowhere near to being my friend.

"Natalia, why don't you go get your stuff and meet me here, da?" Ivan smiles at her.

She nods and skips leisurely down the hall. Sometimes I wonder if I can be as carefree as her.

With Toris's shift done, it was only Ivan and me in the hallway. I make sure to breathe deeply, not wanting to face Father with a lump in my throat. We both stand in the hallway in total silence.

_What does Ivan think of me?_

I'm sure Ivan is curious what happened a while ago. I take quick glances at him, seeing if he's watching me. Instead, Ivan's back is turned to me, looking at who knows what.

"I-Ivan I…back there…I-"

"I don't know what happened back there Matvey," Ivan says, interrupting. He turns around and gives me a blank, emotionless look. "But you don't have to explain, only if you want to."

Ivan walks over and pulls me into a consoling hug. "But know this: I will always be here for you. Trust me Matvey."

He rubs my back and my eyes threaten to water up again. Just down the hall, I can hear Natalia's shoes running, and we both part. Looking at Ivan, I give him a small nod and he gives a small smile.

"Let's go brat!"

"Da. Take care Matvey." Ivan pats my shoulder and then parts. He swings Natalia's arm, and glances back at me. Ivan once again gives me a reassuring smile. His attention switches back to Natalia's talking, when she laughs and he laughs as well.

Watching them leave, I take few more minutes and stare into space. I snap back when I hear wheels roll against the floor. I turn to see the night janitor with mop and cleaning supplies and I rush to Father's room.

_How much time has passed?_

I open his door to see the room empty. Father is bent over, dressed in his brown coat. He straightens when hearing the door.

"Thanks for the help, but you only got a few files." Father frowns.

I falter for an answer. "I uh, there were a lot of files, so it made it hard to look…"

Father nods, approving my half-lie. "Well, ready to go home?"

I nod to him and grab my red hood a book bag. We head out of the room and Father locks the room. "Sorry to keep you so late. Why are your eyes red?" Father asks.

My body heats up in anxiety. "Uh…the storage room was really dusty." I rubbed my eyes to seal the deal. Father nods and gives me an apologetic smirk.

"Yeah, I should've done that myself. Come on, let's go home."

A huge amount of guilt settled into my throat and reluctantly, I swallowed. The thought of acting perfectly normal in front of Father disgusts me to the core. If he ever knew what happened just moments ago, I don't know what I'll do with myself. He's already skeptical about finding about the bullying part, and I can't imagine how he'll react with his homophobic son and being nearly raped.

Beyond imagination.

It'll be too much to bear.

I'll have to run away.

Commit suicide if I had to.

I won't act the same around Father as I do now.

Father and I hop into the car and I quickly rest my head against the cushion. I adjust the seat until its comfortable enough where I can slouch. My eye lids quickly droop as Father rides away.

* * *

><p><strong>Unrelated to the story:<br>**

Haha, Toris works in the daycare center...

Pedophile! LOL

It didn't even cross my mind after I finished. I didn't even bother to give the receptionist a name at all...

Review, please! Makes me happy!


	6. Chapter 6

Missed me?

Haha yes! Another update!

Also, sorry if I annoy people by replying to their reviews. I know they're rhetorical, but I can't help it!

* * *

><p>Mr. Williams parks the car into his space. He shuts off the engine and looks at Matthew. His chest slowly rises and falls, his head turned away from his Father. Mr. Williams smiles lightly and unbuckles his seat belt. He hasn't carried his son in a long time, too long actually, and sleeping for the most part. There was a time when his sweet Matthew had fell off of his new bike when he was young and he came limping back to his father, crying hysterically. Mr. Williams was deeply sadden for son and kissed his forehead, telling him surely that the wound would heal and curried him back into the house. The usual warmth of love made its place into the grown man and Mr. Williams giddily got out of his car.<p>

He lightly closes the red door and walks his way to his son's side. Opening the door, he stands there for a moment and takes a minute stare at Matthew's sleeping position. His cheek was pushed up against he seat belt and he looks quite funny. Laughing to himself, Mr. Williams pushes the red button of the seat belt and quickly catches the boy's head.

Mr. Williams lifts Matthew up, bridal style, and pushes the door with his foot. Taking another glance at Matthew, he quickly adjusts the boy's head, now with his nose nuzzled against the brown coat. Matthew takes a deep breath and exhales, making Mr. Williams smile more.

Mr. Williams walks up the steps slowly and then had a '_how stupid am I' _moment. How was he going to open the door? Mr. Williams couldn't reach into his pocket for his keys for the fact that both of his arms were carrying Matthew. Also, he doesn't want to change Matthew's position, knowing he'll wake up from the movements. Even as his Father, Mr. Williams would be slightly embarrassed if Matthew did wake up, having to explain the reason he's carrying him as if he was a damsel in distress.

Mr. Williams chuckles at his new idea. He moves sideways and uses Matthew's limp foot and presses the door bell. Mr. Williams hears few shuffling before the door opens. His wife stood in front of the door and smiles widely.

"Aww, he's sleeping?" She asks rhetorically.

Even so, Mr. Williams' nods and steps into the warm house. He sets his briefcase down and Mrs. Williams' hordes over Matthew.

"Let me carry him! He's so cute!" she whispers lightly. She gently pinches her son's cheeks and coos more.

Mr. Williams shakes his head. "Don't worry, I got him."

Mrs. Williams looks at her husband angrily. She probably had the same thoughts as Mr. Williams did. They both haven't carried Matthew in a state like this for a while. Her face relaxes and she kisses her son's cheek.

Just as she moves back from the boy's cheek, Matthew head shifts position. His breath hitches and slowly, a tear trickles down his closed eyes. His brows scrunches in discomfort and he pouts his lips in his sleep.

"Nnh…" Matthew mumbles.

Mrs. Williams pouts as well. "He must be having a bad dream."

Mr. William looks down at his son. Only for an injury, he has seen his son cry. Mr. Williams frowns as he walks up the stairs gently. Watching as his son grew up, Mr. Williams come to the conclusion that his son wasn't like any other boys. He was more sensitive and more…softer. Matthew didn't play any sports (except for Hockey, which Mr. Williams made Matthew into), didn't curse (though grateful), or hide porno magazines under his bed. Mr. Williams even planned to have '_the talk_' if he did find any. Matthew is just so shy and innocent. He was flustered even over a kissing scene when watching a movie (Mr. Williams was just passing through and found Matthew looking uncomfortable at the screen, and then change the channel quickly).

Mr. Williams lightly kicks the door open with his foot and walks into Matthew's room. He sighs and places his son on the bed. He first takes off his shoes and then gently lifts his body up, hand behind his back and head. Mr. Williams slowly takes off the boy's favorite red hoodie and throws it on the floor. Mr. Williams as well takes off his own coat.

Just as he was about to leave, Mr. Williams hears Matthew's breath hitch again. He turns around and observes Matthew. Matthew was now on his side, his hand in a prayer, under his head and his knees up to his chest. More tears trickle under his closed eyes and he's biting his lips, as if he's in pain. Frowning again, Mr. Williams leisurely walks over to his son.

He wipes the tears from Matthew's face and runs his hand over Matthew's head, petting him. Matthew's breath hitches again and buries his brow in, this time, a look of hurt. Mr. Williams, sulking again, gently puts strands of hair behind Matthew's ear. Bringing a blanket over his body, he then bends over and gives his son a quick kiss on his temple.

Then he slowly walks out of the room, quietly closing the door. Whatever the dream was, it concerned Mr. Williams.

* * *

><p>I wake up to feeling hot. While turning around, I wince in pain as my head throbs. Coughing feverishly, I groan as each cough burns the inside of my throat. Trying to sit up, I fail as the rush of a headache pushes me back down. I push the blankets off as I drift back to a groggy sleep.<p>

* * *

><p>"Matthew? Oh god, you're hot!" I heard Mother's voice.<p>

I groan and slowly feel her hand on my forehead. I cough again and she _tsks_.

"You're sick Matthew. I blame your Father…"

Not even bothering to open my eyes, I turn my body away from Mother. Ignoring her words, I pulled the blanket over my body and burry my face under the thick fabric. I just want to sleep and her voice is giving me a migraine.

I hear her talking some more and she calls Father to the room.

"He's sick?" Father asks. Hearing the floor board squeak, I clear my throat. I swallow my saliva in attempt to moisten my throat.

I groan again as cold hands meet my forehead.

"Let me sleep…" I mutter, gripping the sheets.

"He's not that hot…besides, it's a Friday." Father states.

I can practically see Mother pout. "But he has a fever. Matthew, do you want to go to school?" Mother asks me.

Turning my head, I see Mother and Father dressed for work. Father makes the last touches to his tie and tightens it. I shake my head lightly, not wanting to reactivate the headache.

"No, my head hurts." My voice comes out croaking.

Mother pouts and I shift my head to the usual positions. "Just stay in bed okay? I'll make you some oatmeal for breakfast and leave some medicine on the counter."

She kisses my head and wipes the wet mark. Mother always had a habit of doing that, kisses me somewhere and then wipes it away.

"Pancakes?"

Oatmeal was too disgusting, unless it was Quaker Oats and it was the maple flavor.

"Okay Mattie, whatever you want." Mother smiles and kisses my cheek once again. I nod slowly and hear the door shut.

I rub my temples slowly and my forehead. I had to get sick.

_Actually_…_getting sick is perfect today…_ My conscious says.

You're right. My thoughts quickly drift to yesterday unintentionally.

Gilbert.

Gilbert's kiss.

Ivan.

_Oh god Ivan!_

He…

_He probably can assume that I'm gay._

I burry my head more into my pillow. I squeeze my eyes in embarrassment. My throat tightens and my eyes threaten to tear up. I force myself not to cry, at least not when both my parents are home.

My secret is out. Ivan knows. He heard my lewd moans and even saw me cry. The tears finally spill as the door shuts loudly with Mother yelling '_get plenty of sleep!'_.

_What am I going to do?_

My hand turns into a fist and I pound the side of my pillow.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, NO, NO, NO!" The last few words were screamed in anger, with tears pouring out.

I lay flat on my back and lick the salty tears. I cover my face and run my nails down hard.

"Why…! Please, god…anyone….WHY?"

I grinded my teeth as the tears continue to roll. I breathe through my mouth and wipe my eyes. Getting a little hungry, I slowly sit myself up.

My head wobbles around and I stay still.

_This headache is killing me…_

Sighing, I grip the bed's wooden board and as slowly as I can, try to stand up. I hiss as the throbbing comes, but it's subtle. I shuffle to my dresser and strip my clothes. I'm guessing I slept in the car, since I haven't changed my uniform.

Gently taking off my shirt, I drop it to the floor and open the drawer. I gasp at the cold air brushes my skin. I grab a baggy shirt, my comfiest pajama pants and slowly dress into them.

Dragging my feet, I slowly walk to the kitchen, clutching random furniture to support my wobbling body. True to her words, Mother has made stacks of pancakes on the table. Passing the kitchen and going to the bathroom, I hurriedly splash cold water on my face. I grab the toothpaste and toothbrush.

I brush my teeth slowly, deep in thought.

What would Ivan do with this new information about me? Tears fall silently down my face.

I…

_ I tried so hard…!_

Spitting into the sink, I stare into the mirror.

Did Gilbert follow me to the daycare? He must've had.

_Why does he torment me?_

I can name an immense amount of people who is much weaker than me, and Gilbert chooses me? He never inflicted physical pain to me before, just his words and action. Thinking about it over, I'm grateful, just a little bit, that he hasn't beaten me. I can imagine him kicking me, punching and hitting me with objects. I know he's capable of that.

But that fact doesn't console me. Gilbert made me feel like crap with his blackmailing. Scratch that, he made me want to die. When he forced me to give him a blow job, I vomited until I saw specks of blood. As if a chain reaction, I remember his moans. Recalling where I am, I turn the water off and rinse my mouth.

_Maybe he's gay too…_

Lifting my head up quickly, bump the back of my head on the cabinet.

_Gilbert…homosexual?_

No, that's way out of his league. The throbbing pain quickly comes back. I press my forehead to the porcelain sink, trying to stay still so that the pain would die down.

Gilbert cannot be homosexual. Even if he was, at least not for me. When I serviced him, I could feel all the negative emotions he felt for me through his actions. It was obvious, his words was just an accessory.

My stomach grumbles in hunger and I lift my head up. I slowly walk to the kitchen and sit down. I touch the pancakes and they seem to be warm enough to eat. Taking the syrup, I dump the thick substance gradually, watching it fall bit by bit.

_"Trust me Matvey."_

And Ivan…I want to believe his words, but in my mind, I can't. I'm truly terrified that those words would turn into lies. Terrified that his calm, beautiful lilac eyes would turn into a vehemence of red and black, just screaming the words '_disgusting_' and '_faggot_' without even mouthing them.

But deep in my heart, there's a little hope that he'll save me. I don't know from what, Gilbert most likely, but he would just hug me, comfort me with his voice, just like yesterday. But the first thought overrules the second.

Bringing my mind back to my breakfast, I swipe the syrup from the cap with a finger and suck it clean. Looking back at my pancakes, I curse at myself for not bringing any utensils. Now used to moving, I walk normally to the kitchen drawer, brink a fork and butter knife, and wash it thoroughly.

* * *

><p>There is nothing to do. Honestly, there isn't. I have read all the books I checked out from the library (looks like it needs to be returned soon), watch all the recordings on the DVR and even made a little effort on cleaning my room.<p>

Sighing, I turn on my laptop. Guess I'll just surf the web. I don't have a gaming system (which I don't want in the first place), so the using laptop is my only means of wasting time.

Opening Mozilla Firefox, I debate with myself on what to do. I could watch Youtube videos, play some PC games I have downloaded, or check my email. I don't even know why I bothered to make an email. No one really messages me, just some automatic email from a bot.

Clicking randomly on links, I unintentionally fall into a like page on Facebook.

_I wonder if my classmates have a Facebook…._

I once considered making a Facebook, but it's too awkward for me. I dislike internet slag like '_LOL' _or '_SMH'_. I don't see the point in it. I like talking to people face to face. Besides, I don't think anyone would notice if I even had one, or add me as a friend.

Smirking, I type in Elizabeta's name. Looking through the pictures, I find it. Clicking on it, I laugh at her profile picture. It's a picture of her in an apron, smiling and holding a pan. Who knew she could cook? Her personality deceives her.

Skimming over her page, I spot Lilli's name. Clicking on the name, I stare harder at the picture. It's a picture of her and another person who looks exactly like her, like a twin. The only distinguishing this that makes me tell her apart is her hair ribbon. I look at the male next to her.

I click the picture and roll my mouse over his face. There's a tag and it says _Big Brother =]_

So this was her brother she was talking about. I decided to look over her photos and click the photo button, but accidently click on Info.

**Relationship Status**: Single

I rub my eyes. Did I see right? I refresh the page and scroll back to those three words. It didn't change.

_I'm slightly confused…_

Didn't girls get overly excited and change their relationship status on social networks like these? The result is getting likes and comments from the status update, right? So why is Lilli _single_? Obviously her last status update was a week ago, telling everyone she couldn't wait for the arrival of her brother.

_Is she trying to hide our relationship from the public?_

A cough rips my throat. Taking a second to calm the itch down, I glance back at the screen. I don't even have an account here, but is she trying to tell me something? Guilt seeps through me.

_I'll be actually glad if she did…_

That thought adds to my guilt. Why can't I just break up with her? I rub my temples, this whole new information hurting my brain.

_Oh that's right...she's just a cover up…_

I want to end this '_relationship'. _I don't want to hurt her more. Lilli is such a sweet girl, she deserves better.

_Maybe I should break up with her online._

I shake my head at the thought. I started watching this show called Guy Code and they had a segment about break ups. Though they were comical about it, a woman made her commentary saying it's better to talk face to face.

How would Lilli react? Just thinking about her personality, she would probably cry. I wouldn't want her to cry. Elizabeta would probably beat me up too. I've seen Elizabeta in action and I don't want a piece of that.

I grimace at my new idea, but now I type in Gilbert's name. Immediately, his name is there in the search box. I hesitate to click it. Should I? What do I even want to look at? I click it anyway, holding in my breath.

First I see a status just hour ago:

Awesome me going 2 school. fuck my life, finally its friday!

My face immediately forms a poker face.

I'm here, so now what?

_Oh I know!_

I scroll down till I see a '_Family'_ section. In there, I look for a certain person. My heart beats twice when I see the name.

**Younger Brother**:

Ludwig - the Un-awesome.

_Wait…younger?_

Ludwig is the younger brother? He looks older and acts so much more mature than Gilbert! I scoff and rub my neck. What a surprise! But wait, if Gilbert is older, then why was he in freshman? He probably got left back, judging from the poor grades he got. My sneering dies down as thoughts of Ludwig come into mind.

I haven't seen him act like Gilbert. He's much more of a serious person. Maybe only with Feliciano and that junior, Kiku, that he gets to show his true self. Feliciano sticks to him like metal and magnets. At times he seems annoyed at the Italian, but I once catched him with an embarrassed look on his face with a small blush. Hell, even Feliciano was lucky enough to get a smirk from him. Since the time from the basketball game, I almost forgot about Ludwig, but now it's refreshed into my mind. Does Ludwig know I'm gay? Does he even know I used to go to that school?

Another cough rips the insides of my throat. I'm guessing I'm safe from him. He and I don't talk much, only when Feliciano drags him over to a group, he then makes a comment.

Shutting off the computer, I roll myself to bed.

* * *

><p><em>Everything is just so confusing now…<em>

_Looking around, I see an extensive hallway. There was no furniture to hold vases full of flowers or paintings hanging on the wall, just a drab hallway. I have an awful feeling about going down it, but my feet moves on its own accord. My body quickly turns to face a door and my arm reaches out to turn the door knob._

_ My heart beats in fear. What's behind this door? Where am I? While thinking about these questions, my body automatically steps into the room._

_ Immediately, I catch a glimpse of the room, regular furniture and whatnot, before it turns to smoke and fades away. Everything around me turns black._

_ Panicking, I look around._

_ 'Hello…?'_

_ Two hands are roughly placed on my shoulders and turn my around. I fall to the ground and feel my hands pin up. Instantly, I start shaking. My body heats up and my breath is cut short. All at once, I try to utter words._

_ 'GAH..! N-n-n-n-o! Gi-Gi-Gilbert…s-s-s-stop!'_

_ Gilbert only smiles and looks up. "Ludwig, help me out."_

_ Tears fall down my face. In just of a blink of an eye, I feel another hand grasp my arms and my clothes are all off, except for my underwear._

_ Gilbert is in his underwear as well. His pale body flushes red in heat, his eyes looking lustful. He pulls my legs around him and starts rubbing his crotch to mine. Gasping at the friction, I turn my head, anywhere than looking at Gilbert, and see Ivan there, looking at me with disgust. In just a flicker, he disappears._

_ Gilbert rubs hard and hasty, panting each time. All the while, I moan loudly, in disbelieving pleasure. I look up and see Ludwig, no expression on his face, and then he vanishes as well. Gilbert then pulls my arms and I straddle him. My mind is telling me to run but my body doesn't submit._

_ "Ohh, Matthew~!"_

_ I cringe as his moans make me hornier._

_ He takes a hand to my chest and starts pinching my nipples, teasing them. Involuntarily, I rub against him, mimicking his actions. Gilbert smirks and he brings both his hands to my hips. He grips my hips and bucks his hip forward, helping me with the rubbing._

_ I let out a final moan as I-_

I jolt out of my bed, panting. Right away I dig my hand into my underwear. I pull out and see a sticky substance on my fingertips.

That was a dream?

_It felt so real…_

Panting, I rush to the bathroom. On my way, I glance at the clock.

2:47 AM

I curse at myself as I close the door. I got hard from a dream and Gilbert in it no less. Turning the water just in case someone hears me, I pull my pants down. I don't want to look down there, no. It's disgusting, getting hard from a dream and a guy in it. It's just like the time at the train station!

Staring at the ceiling, I slowly slide down on the floor. I bite my lips and slowly touch myself, almost uncertainly. I gasp at the contact and quickly run my hands up and down. I want this gone. I hated that Ludwig and Ivan were in it too. I bite my lips to suppress a moan.

Ivan's face, oh how it pains me. Tears fall silently and I take my shirt to my mouth to get better room. How can I get a dream like that? I've only watched porn once, so I shouldn't be in the mood. I pump my hands faster. My stomach bubbles and I can feel the back of my throat taste like acid. Ludwig also, my tiny fear of him replaces to vast terror. It felt like he helped in a rape.

_It's not disgusting, if it was, you wouldn't be erect and jerking off right now…_

I scream into the shirt, silencing the evil voice in my head.

_It's not true, it's not true!_

The shirt falls out of my mouth as I give a low groan. My hand suddenly feels warm and I could sense the white goo drool out of the sides of my hand. The acid feeling behind my throat grows and I rush to the toilet.

I heave out a small amount of vomit. I close my eyes; I don't want to see it. It'll only make me feel worse. I breathe deeply, though hating the after taste. Taking a few minutes, I flush and slowly stand up, pulling up my pants as well.

Putting my hand in the running water, I watch the white substance wash away. Sadly, it slowly washes away and it makes me shudder at the slimy feeling it gives. Once the material is gone, I grab the hand pump soap. I pump the pink soap till it's layered to the metal pipe and start rubbing.

I feel so disgusting, repulsive, nasty and all those synonyms. I'm a pervert for thinking of a dream like that. My mind kept replaying to Gilbert's moan…

_"Ohh, Matthew~!"_

Stop! It wasn't real! That wasn't his real voice, just my imagination. Yeah, I'm right; it's just in my head.

Even if I try to console myself, tear still pour down my face. Cupping the cold water into my hands, I splash my face, and then rinse my mouth thoroughly. Drying quickly, I run to my bed, wanting the sleep to come back. My fever has died down and it's a Sunday, so I don't want to be late tomorrow.

But at the same time, I do.

* * *

><p>I make sure I am late to homeroom. Well, late enough so that at least everyone is in. I quickly walk in and try to sit in my seat before anyone talks to me. I'm not in the mood to speak to anyone, especially after what happened at the storage room and my dream.<p>

Before I sat down, I was clutched by a pair of hands.

"Matthew~! Oh it's good to see you!" Elizabeta's voice booms, hugging me from behind.

I gasp at where Elizabeta's hands are. Her arms are looped around my waits and her hands are folded in front of my zipper. I know she didn't do it on purpose, but I let out a little shriek and push her away.

Unintentionally, she pushes me back in surprise and I stumble backwards. I close my eyes, expecting the back of my head to bounce against the floor, but my head instead bumps into something softer.

Looking up, I meet Ivan's amethyst eyes.

"Matvey, are you okay?"

Immediately, I stand up and Elizabeta pouts. "All I wanted was a hug, no need to act like that!"

I glance at Ivan, who is now taking his seat next by me. Before he can notice, I look at Elizabeta.

"S-sorry, you just surprised me."

With more pouting, she leaves.

"T-thank you…Ivan." I stand there like a fool, scratching my arm.

Ivan gives me his usual smile, but I can tell it's a little different. "Da, no problem Matvey."

Awkwardly, I sit down and Mr. Wade walks in. I now peek at Ludwig, for no apparent reason at all. He's at the moment, taking out his notebook. When I see him turn around, I grab my bag and take out my stuff as well, acting like I wasn't staring at him.

* * *

><p>"Hey Lilli, how are you today?"<p>

I've decided to go to the library during lunch, well more to avoid Ivan and Ludwig, mostly Ivan. Lilli is sitting at the far end of the table, reading a book. I take the notebooks in my hand and place them gently on the table, as well as sitting down.

Lilli looks up from reading and smiles kindly. I push the horrible feeling as down as I can as I smile back at her. Being polite to her isn't a problem, since I'm courteous to everyone; it's just that the feeling of guilt and the trickery I'm doing to her keeps coming up more frequently. But I'm a little uncomfortable around her now as well, since I know about her online activates.

"Hello Matthew, I'm doing good, thank you for asking! Sorry I haven't been hanging out with you as much…" She trails off and sets her book down.

"I understand. It must feel special to have an older sibling, since I'm an only child." I make an inner frown. Sometimes I did wish I had a sister or a brother, either older or younger, doesn't matter to me.

_Maybe someone as adorable as Natalia~…_

The thought of Natalia quickly shifts to Ivan, Gilbert, the daycare center and the dream all at once. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down the decreasing beats of my heart. I bite my lips as Lilli continues to talk.

"It's been a long time since I've seen my big brother; his name is Vash," Lilli says, adding quickly. "I have a really close relationship to him and I really love him!"

Her last words make me feel a little lonely. Now I wish I had a sibling.

"Oh, that really nice." I say blandly. I have nothing else to say.

She gives me a wide grin. "Do you want to hang out again?" Lilli offers.

"I know this skating rink; we can go to that, if you like…"

"I've never known we had a skating rink around…sure, I'll love to go! But I've never skated before." Lilli frowns.

"It's okay; I can teach you if you want to learn. It's easy once you get the hang of it." I smile genially at her. Anything involving skates and ice gets me fired up!

"That sounds nice, but I have something this weekend. How about the week after that?"

Before I can give a proper reply, the bell rings. Lilli picks up her things and stand up. Nodding to her, I tidy up as well.

Well, another '_date_' with Lilli. At least this one will be more fun since it involves me going to the ice. Speaking of skating, I've been dying for another Hockey match, but our coach has broken his back and all we have been doing is train more. I let out a big sigh. Hockey is the only thing I can really show my manlier side, I can push people, punch them and hurt them any other way possible. All of it can slide since it's a sport, and in Hockey overall, it's more about the blood spreading on the ice. At least that's why people come to the games right?

Speaking of hockey, I started noticing that my muscles are growing. Well, nothing that'll turn me into a big macho man, but much more than my bony self when I was in freshman. I can now actually do at least 35 pushups and can touch both ends of the rink 20 times till I get tired.

Lilli and I both part and I head to my class. I scowled in my head. Why do I have another class with Ivan? It's not that I hate him now; I don't really since he showed me his sweet kindness that day, but everything feels so wrong now. Even if it's just a little bit, Ivan seems to have a different view of me now.

_Of course he does..._

_You're gay, he knows and he's curious... _

I can feel my eyes moisten up. The evil thought pops into my head again.

_Do you remember the dream...?_

_Ivan looked at you with disgust..._

_His smiles this morning were false and you know it..._

_Deep inside, he-_

Thankfully, the evil voice stops as the door to my class slightly pushes me. I look up and see Ivan walking in.

"Sorry Matvey." Ivan looks at me with his kind smile.

_ He's fakin-_

"Oh, sorry, my bad, really." I glance up at him. Ivan smile is still planted on his face as he opens the door for me.

_Just like for a lady…_

Blushing at the embarrassing thought and action, I give him a small 'thank_ you'_ and walk in. Grateful that our teacher hasn't assigned seats, I sit in the far corner of the front row, anywhere than Ivan sits. I'm more thankful that Ivan decides to sit away from me too. Even if he's still nice to me, I can tell it's also uncomfortable for him to sit by me as well.

The lecture goes on for a few minutes, but I feel the strong urge to use the bathroom. I raise my hand and ask politely if I may go and the teacher nods. I push the door open and walk down the hall leisurely. Public bathrooms are really nasty. I can't remember the last time I used it, also for the fact that boys are taking out their -_you-know-what- _so it makes me feel uneasy to be around that.

I rush to the bathroom quickly and go into the stalls. I don't even use the urinals. The show Guy Code comes to mind again. They made a segment of bathrooms and stated that '_If a guy uses a urinal, and another guy comes, and there's a space between them, you don't want to be that guy.' _On that statement they showed drawing of an arrow pointing at a guy, above him saying 'You' and is peeing in the toilet.

I laugh at the memory. I've been watching that show lately, or more like taking notes. They actually say what a _true_ man should act like. Well, since it's for adults, they talk about beers and smoking, but that just slips over my head.

I push the lever with my foot and open the stall. Taking a few seconds of washing and whipping my hands, the doors swing open. I turn my head at the distraction and my eyes widen.

"Matvey, we need to talk."

Ivan stands in front of the door. I throw the paper towel away and clear my throat, attempting to hide the apprehensive feeling that forms.

"W-w-what do you want to talk about?" I ask.

Ivan walks forward and opens his mouth but I interrupt him.

"Can't this w-w-wait later?" I quickly add.

_Why do I start stuttering?_

Ivan shakes his head. "нет, it cannot."

I take a deep breath. What does he want to talk about? I really don't want to tell him my orientation or anything about Gilbert. It's too shameful and embarrassing to explain that he blackmailed and tormented me.

"About you and Lilli…" Ivan trails off.

My heart beats frantically. A conversation about Lilli is uncomfortable as well. I don't know what he is going to ask, but he might find me as a horrible person, that I used her. I turn the other way, not wanting to look at him.

"W-what about L-Lilli?"

"What you are doing to her is wrong."

I snap my head at the comment. Though his voice sounds somewhat angry, his face remains calm.

"W-w-what do you mean?"

Nothing else comes to mind except for these stupid questions. I know exactly what he means. My brows scrunch in anxiousness.

"You are attracted to men but here you are dating Lilli." He says bluntly.

Ivan face remained calm, but his tone shows mockery and sounds confused at the same time.

I feel lightheaded. I will myself not to squeeze my eyes; it would only make tears fall. It would also make me look weak. Should I go for the moronic questions? It would irritate him for sure, he already knows this much.

"I'm not gay."

Thank god I didn't stutter.

Looking unconvinced, Ivan walks forward. With nervousness and panic, I move backwards. Ivan doesn't stop till he's in front of me and my back against the lime bathroom tiles.

"What you are doing to her is wrong," Ivan repeats. I look up at him, feeling smaller by the second. "It is not nice for you to toy around with her heart. I don't know what happened that day; I do want to know, but-"

I turn my face away from him. "I'm not telling you anything."

From the corner of my eyes, I can see Ivan's face now churn in anger. "How long are you going to keep this up? Keeping your past, your secrets? This is too much to go unnoticed."

I grit my teeth and stare at him. My eyes blur to the tears already forming.

"It's better if you don't know."

My heart cringes at my own words. I want someone to talk to, to actually sob without having to quickly clean myself up, scared that someone would find me in that state. Any form of comfort. But in contrary, I can't open up. Whoever I tell will find me repulsive and inhumane. I can already imagine their reaction:

_'Eww…you're a gay? Get away from me!'_

_ 'All gays should die.'_

_ 'God hates all faggots.'_

It's an endless amount of suffering words.

_But not on the same level as Gilbert…._

"Trust me Matvey."

My eyes widen at his words. Ivan looks at me, his eyes pleading and worrying.

_And with pity…_

I shut my eyes and instantly bring my palms to my face. I feel the tears drench my hands and run through my fingers. My body shakes softly. The evil voice continues.

_He's only playing therapist…_

_ He doesn't want to help you at all, he feels enforced to do so…_

_ Besides, who doesn't want to help a fag…?_

_ You see documentaries about that happening all the time…_

The evil voice even had the power to chuckle. It gave a low, hoarse snigger, as if it was a smoker. I even wonder how I gave it that kind of voice. I take in deep breaths through my mouth, not wanting a hitched breathing. Then I feel Ivan's arm wrap around me, immediately I freeze.

"I want to help you Matvey. Let me help you. Trust me."

The evil voice's words run through my mind again.

_'He doesn't want to help you at all, h-'_

"I-I-I-I ne-ee-d to g-get to clas-ss." I pause between words. Talking now makes it hard for me because I am crying a bit.

Ivan gradually lets go. He frowns again and slowly lifts his hand. I flinch hard at the sudden action.

_Is he going to smack me?_

Ivan instead, brings his hands to my wet cheeks and wipes. I stand still, not knowing what to do. He continues till both of my cheeks are dry.

"I'm sorry." He whispers.

With that he leaves, leaving me in the bathroom. Just as he leaves, another boy enters and I quickly go to the sink and splash my face.

I don't want to look like I was crying.

* * *

><p>I feel like that's such a short chapter =[<p>

Oh, **Important**:

*The reason why I included Mr. Williams: I think automatically, Fathers and sons have a bond. Can you think the rest?

*Italics will also be Matthew's _evil voice_. Make your own inference without me telling you.

Hehe, I'm also gonna try to include much detailed sexy scenes as possible. xD

REVIEW NOW!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:**

I kind of had writer's block, either that or I was lazy.

So I'm somewhat sorry that I updated to slow, but really, would you rather have a (1) a deliberate story or (2) you're happy with the quick update but you find things that make **no** sense or some errors. I also have to go back and fix them.

But anyway...here is chapter 7! I'm happy how it turned out.

(Also, I also published another story called _The Evil Within_ so please check that out as well!)

* * *

><p><strong>Important:<strong>

Regarding the _evil voice_ Matthew has...it kind of mixes up with his normal thought so I added something different:

* `_Insert text here_**... **

This _`_ thingie. Evil voice also has _**...**_ at the end.

If you can already tell the difference between the evil voice & normal thoughs, I congratulate you.

* * *

><p>After school, I immediately went home. Without a second thought, I boarded the train. I texted my Father informing him that I wouldn't be at the daycare today. He replied saying a simple ok.<p>

Now I'm in my room crying.

My chest tightens every breath I take. The throbbing in my temples doesn't help at all. I'm starting to hate the pain that comes to my temples when I cry. It just happens now. It's like someone is taking two sledge hammers to my temples and squeezing them as close as they can, as if they want my brain to burst out of my scalp.

A whole plate full of guilt and apprehension rushes to me. I push my back to the door and bring my knees to my chest, hugging them. Mother wouldn't be home till 6 PM, the same for Father. I can cry as loud as I want, but I don't. I grit my teeth as a few gasp hiccups out of me.

_Ivan…_

He had to mention Lilli. He just had to! My temples beat at the thought of the situation. Ivan figured everything out. It's like he just ruined a very deliberate plan. All my trying to fit in, all of the lying and the fake smiles…

Ruined…

My mind reels back to my old school. The memory of all the kids finding out about my sexual orientation, them surrounding me, trapping me, all came back. Them pushing me around and yelling insults.

Laughing at me…

Looking at me with disgust.

My chest tightens more and I gasp for air. I cough at the feeling. Ivan ruined it. He ruined everything. Screw his nice words now.

_I hate him…_

The tears well up more and run down my face.

_No…!_

Forget what I said! I didn't mean it. Oh, how I want his hugs now. I want to hug him and take a deep inhalation of his scent. The smell of summer green grass. The fragrance of a breeze running through a sunflower field.

My mind tumbles back to my conversation with Lilli at the library.

_The date…_

I don't want to go to that date anymore. I just want to be left alone. I wish I never said anything in the first place. Everything would've been fine. I could've hidden my sexual orientation without having to date Lilli.

What Ivan said was true:

_"What you are doing to her is wrong. It is not nice for you to toy around with her heart…"_

I cringe as my chest tightens again. I'm a horrible person. I'm inhumane and disgusting for a whole lot of reasons. My mistakes are far too big to fix. I don't think I want to live anymore…

`_Commit suicide…_

_ `That's the fate of a filthy homosexual…_

"SHUT UP!" I scream through my tears.

I clench my hands into a fist and punch the floor. I feel a burning _ting _on my knuckles. I bring my hands to my face and take a little glance. I see pieces of small skin dangling from my knuckles. It's red and a trickle of blood rolls down.

I take my knuckles to the floor again and twist. I grit my teeth as it burns.

`_What's next…?_

_ `Cutting yourself…?_

It won't stop! That voice just won't give up! I sob loudly at it's remarks. My own mind is suggesting suicide? Even if it's a wicked voice, how can it propose such a thing?

I feel a dampness around me knees. I lift my head slightly from me knees and look. It takes a moment for my sight to adjust since I pressed my eyes hard on it. Once the blurring and the black spots calm down, I stare at my knees.

It's damp, that whole area of my pants is wet. I rub the back of my hand across my eyes and then my running nose. I take a deep breath and rest my head on my door, staring at the ceiling.

Slowly, I stand up. I hold onto the dresser nearby as I feel a rush of dizziness. Once the dizziness calms down, I unhurriedly strip my clothes. Picking up my lump of home clothes from the corner of my room, I dump my uniform into the hamper in my bathroom.

Once that is done, I wet my face with cold water and blow my nose. I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. I have to stop crying. It just makes me feel weak.

Sitting at my desk now, I take my book bag and take my homework out.

It should take my mind off of everything...

* * *

><p>"Natalia missed you."<p>

It was dinner time and all of us were eating in peace. A few small talk between my Mother and Father was made, asking each other how their day went and a few to me. I gulp down what I was eating.

"She was?" I ask, feeling bad.

"Who's Natalia?" My Mother asks. She takes a forkful of peas and chews.

"Natalia is a child at the daycare center," Father answers. He takes a gulp of water before continuing. "Natalia and Matthew have a good relationship, so when he wasn't here today, she was a bit sad."

I blush at the statement. I wouldn't say I was great around kids, but I'm nice enough. But instead of Natalia, my mind wanders to Ivan. He was probably expecting me too, waiting. He'll probably want to talk to me. I look and feel like such a coward! I was just running away from my problems.

But what would happen if Gilbert was there again? I don't want to experience that again, I'll rather die. What would Ivan do if he saw Gilbert? Ivan would probably question him, even worse, ask about my past.

"Aww~! That's so sweet Matthew!"

My blush deepens when Mother coos at me. I shove the peas into my mouth, not wanting to talk.

I notice that Father made a frown. "You'll come tomorrow, right Mattie?" Father asks, almost pleadingly. I take another glance at him and I see he's joking with me! He has a smirk planted right on his face.

"Y-yeah." I answer simply.

All conversations dies down as we finish our meals.

* * *

><p><em>Okay.<em>

_ Act normal._

Taking a deep breath, I exhale as I open the door of my classroom. I decide to act as if nothing happened. The chat in the bathroom between me and Ivan never existed.

_It never happened._

I sit down into my seat slowly. I stay still, hoping Elizabeta would not attack me today.

"_Good morning _Matthew~!"

I spoke too soon.

I turn around and flinch as Elizabeta moves. I expect her to hug me, but instead, she runs her hand through my hair gently.

"Is something wrong?" she asks, her brows scrunching in concern.

I bite my tongue immediately. If I start talking, I know I'll start stuttering. Elizabeta frowns more.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I relax my tense posture and take Elizabeta's hand off of my head.

"Um…no reason. I just felt like you've been down lately. Also," Elizabeta leans in next to my ear. "I noticed you and Ivan were acting kind of distant lately." She whispers.

My body tenses and she pulls her head back, watching my reaction. I took a deep breath and exhale, I don't want her thinking anything.

I shake my head. "No, nothing is wrong…"

As if on cue, I see Ivan's pink scarf from the corner of my eyes. Elizabeta stands up, a small smile on her face and leaves. I swallow hard as Ivan sits down.

_Did he hear us?_

From the corner of my eyes, I can see Ivan sit calmly. I notice him lean forward, placing his chin into his palms. I whip my eyes back to the front.

That's odd…

He would usually say his morning greetings to me. Ivan would usually act…_normal_, as if nothing happened. He would turn to me and smile at least.

_Ivan is kind of acting the same when I first met him when I came to this school…_

But since that talk the other day, it seems that he _was_ angry when he spoke, irritated and confused as well. Maybe when something _really_ bothers him, he acts this way perhaps? After all, I only know him in school; he may be acting totally different once he gets outside. My mind mentally crushes the notion.

_He shouldn't be angry!_

Ivan shouldn't butt in.

It's none of his concern.

My chest tightens. A tiny part of me wants Ivan to interfere. The thoughts I was thinking the other day flood my mind. It's like everything is a tug of war. A part of me doesn't want Ivan at all in my business, but on the other side, I want Ivan to help me.

I bury my brows at the random mess of thoughts in my head. Why does everything have to be so complicated for me?

There can only be one explanation:

Gilbert.

The fury towards him quickly runs through my veins. I take a shaky inhale as I try to calm myself down. God, every thought in my head always turns to Gilbert. I don't even have to try, it just comes naturally. I was fine during the middle of summer vacation, I haven't though of him since once throughout my healing.

_Isn't this school kind of faraway from my old one?_

My eyes widen at the mental question. That's right, it is. Well, it's not like I made a drastic move, maybe about a one hour away from school. Either way, how can Ludwig come here?

My eyes travel to Ludwig. He's currently talking to Elizabeta. As brothers, they live together right? It's possible, though, their parents might be divorced and they live separately. But still, just like the day when Ivan found out my erogenous zone, I heard Gilbert was there.

My brows scrunch down to an angry expression. Ivan found out my erogenous zone! How embarrassing is that! He must've been laughing at me that day, or thinking I'm weird. I can't let anyone else find out about it.

I run my hands through my hair and unintentionally look at Ivan. I flinch as I see him look at me too.

"H-hey Ivan. G-good morning…" I stutter.

I don't want to just look at him and turn back, no, that'll be rude. Maybe if I just say good morning, he'll return to normal?

"доброе утро…Matvey." Ivan whips his head back, signaling that this was the end of our conversation.

My lips curve to a frown and I face forward in my seat. Guess that didn't work out. Maybe he is angry and all. But he should understand somewhat! Doesn't he have secrets he doesn't want to share?

_Does he?_

* * *

><p>I've been trying to look for Lilli. I wanted to ask her about our <em>date<em>. Even if I don't want to go, I don't want her suspecting anything. It also proves to Ivan that I'm not gay. I hate myself now when I couldn't convince…no _dissuade_ Ivan that I don't like other guys. So now, my other option is to continue dating Lilli. Trying to break up with her or anything near ending _this_ relationship is out of the question.

I don't have one class with her at all, except for meeting her in homeroom and in gym. Its lunch time now and I'm wondering if I can find her in the library again. I also notice her trying to avoid me. Lately, this has happened more and more. Once I spot her somewhere in the hall, she would momentarily look at me and quickly turn her head back to the person she was talking to. Lilli would then look like she realize something and I can hear her say '_Oh…!_, and she would walk away, before I can get to her.

`_She's ignoring you because she found out you're gay…_

I bite my lips at the evil voice. I was dreading that he wouldn't come today, but my prayers weren't answered. The sentence brought panic to me. That wouldn't be true! No one else knows about my sexual orientation…

No one except Ivan…

_ `That's right…_

_ `Ivan told Lilli…_

I shake my head. I shouldn't listen to him! Now his statement brought the feeling of worry. Ivan wouldn't, would he? I see no reason he would, unless…

Unless he wanted to confirm both of our relationship. Maybe after the talk in the bathroom, he confronted Lilli and probably asked her if she knew I was homosexual. It's possible he would, he did say I shouldn't treat her the way I'm treating her now.

My thoughts were interrupted when I see a purple ribbon tied to someone's hair. It's Lilli and she just walked past me! I run up to her and touch her shoulder. Lilli flinches at the contact and swats the hand away when she turns around.

I rub my hand and try not to gasp out in pain. She does hit hard, she seems more like the gentle type. Her surprised and angry faces calms down but then I see something else in her eyes.

Is that dread I see?

"Oh uh…sorry if I startled you, I just wanted to talk to you abo-"

"Sorry Matthew." Lilli interrupts, and then sighs. The sigh sounds like she's tired, and maybe a hint of…annoyance?

_What's going on?_

_ `She found out you're gay…_

"About that date, I can't go." She says bluntly, and then walks away. I was about to walk after her and ask her why, but then she broke into a jog.

What was that?

I…

I…

That…

_What was that?_

_ `You're 'girlfriend' doesn't want to speak to you…_

_ `Especially after finding out you're a faggot…_

_ `She thinks you're disgusting and she hates you…_

_ `Who wouldn't…?_

_ `All faggots should die…_

I can feel the tears well up in the corner of my eyes. While staring at the ground, I try to find the nearest bathroom. Once I see the wooden oak door, I push inside and rush into it. Pushing the handle of the sink down, I cup the cold water into my hands and splash my face.

It can't be true, she can't know. If Lilli did, she would've said something, right? It's probably something personal; maybe that's why she was so frank. But I can't shake the thought of Ivan telling her. Maybe he did, maybe he didn't. Ivan probably didn't tell her, he doesn't have enough information.

_Yeah, that's right._

He doesn't have valid information! Ivan knows _nothing_ of Gilbert; he doesn't even know what happened in the storage room. He assumes I'm homosexual, but that's about it. Ivan might also think I'm straight, since I'm dating Lilli. So he can't just waltz right up to Lilli and tell her stuff he can't prove.

Everything he knows is '_I think_'.

I wipe my face with the brown paper towel and smile. I'm still safe, somewhat. I'm in the orange zone, and one more slip up, I might be caught and in the red zone. But Lilli, why doesn't she want to go to the date? Did something happen, is it something with her family or something?

_Her brother._

Where did that thought come from? Her brother, Vash, if I remember his name, just came right? Before his arrival, she never acted this way, acted distant around me. Now, she's trying to avoid me every chance possible. Is Vash the problem and why would he be? Well, he is an older brother and he must be over protected of her probably. I know I would, if I had a younger sister. Ivan is probably protective of Natalia as well.

_Her relationship status!_

That's right, her relationship status! Lilli kept it to single, so she must be hiding something.

_Or hiding it from someone._

Her brother? Is she hiding this _relationship_ from her brother? Why would she? Wouldn't Lilli tell her brother she had a boyfriend and Vash would want me over to observe me and deem me worthy to date her baby sister? Well, I kind of blame myself for thinking that scenario; I watch too many teen moves. Either way wouldn't the same thing happen?

My thoughts were cut off as the loud bell rang, indicating everyone that lunch was over. I glance at the mirror, seeing if my eyes were red or anything signaling that I was crying, and left the bathroom.

I would check his Facebook profile, if he has one.

* * *

><p>Before entering, I try to calm down my rickety heartbeats. Taking a deep breath, I enter the cool building.<p>

"Matthew! Nice to see you again! You weren't here for the last two days." Toris greets me happily but then frowns at his last sentence.

I force a smile onto my face. "Yeah, I was sick and yester I couldn't come because I had a big project to do." I half lie, this so called 'project' was just me being a coward and not coming.

"Oh well~! Oh and Natalia missed you," I glance at Toris and see him leaning forward on his desk. "She was so cute when she was sad~!"

I nod and apologies for no reason. I continue walking to down the hall. The loud noises of the kids' quickly fill my ears and I take a deep breath. Maybe taking a break from this wasn't so bad.

Turning the door, the first thing is see is a toy being thrown at me. I duck behind the door and hear a loud _clack_. I thank hockey, my reflexes has gotten better, but wouldn't the kid at least throw a stuffed animal? Once feeling no more object would be thrown, I walk fully into the classroom.

"So sorry Mattie! You know that's not nice to throw things Benjamin." My Father says to me, and then turns to the boy who threw the object and scolds him.

"Matvey! You're here!"

I feel arms wrap around my leg and I stumble lightly. The sudden action surprises me. I look down and smile lightly when I see the same purple bow.

"Hey Natalia! Sorry I wasn't here to play with you…"

Natalia looked up, her eyes shining in happiness.

"Yeah! Let's go play!"

Natalia grabs my hand and she drags me to the boxes filled with toys. She grabs the small box of Legos and starts building. I build with her and we construct the blocks in peaceful silence. A smile is upon on her face showing true delight. My heart warms in the sight. Just me being with her makes her happy. I look up at Father. On his desk, I see the same folders that handed to him.

"Oh Dad, sorry I couldn't be here yesterday and help you get those things." I point at the folders on his desk when Father gives me a confused look.

"Oh that? No worries and it was my fault that you got sick, I shouldn't have let you go tot hat dusty room."

I nod at him, accepting his apology. I turn my head back to the blocks and notice Natalia staring at me. She has a sad look on her face.

"You were sick?" She asks cutely.

I pout at her expression. Why is she worrying about me? I nod slowly and pet her hair.

"It's okay though. I'm all better and I'm here playing with you, right?"

Natalia nods and comes closer to hug me. I widen my eyes in shock. We're not close at all (at least I think we aren't) and this type of affection surprises me. But I'm guessing little kids can throw their affection to anyone willingly giving it to them in return.

I smile lightly and pat her back. There shouldn't be any reason for her to be sad. She backs away and continues with her blocks. Natalia glances up every few minutes and smiles and then continues building. Each minute passed and all the kids were gone, leaving only Natalia and I.

Just as the clock turned its black lever, the door opens. I look up at the noise and feel my heart sink. I totally forgot about Ivan! I was focusing my time on Natalia that I forgot about him. My nervousness deepens as I see him frown slightly. Natalia happily runs to her brother and hugs Ivan.

Without look at me or even taking a glance, Ivan dresses Natalia up and walks out the door. I feel my chest coil in pain and I inadvertently follow him. Ivan walks down the hall slowly, clearly not in a rush and he's swinging Natalia's arm.

"I-Ivan!" I yell out by accident.

Ivan turns around, not surprised or confused at who's calling him. He frowns again and stands still. I walk up to him and fiddle with the hem of my sweater.

"I-I wanted to talk to you…" I look at his feet, not wanting to look directly at Ivan.

Ivan lets out a sigh. "Natalia, wait for me here."

I can see Natalia's head move up and down and Ivan pulls at my hands. He drags me to the bathroom and that's when I look up at him. He's leaning against the bathroom stalls and he looks a little annoyed.

I gasp at his expression and I stare anywhere else than him. What do I want to talk to him? I don't really, but what he did this morning bothered me. Ivan isn't talking to me at all, and I don't blame him, just a bit. Now I don't know what to say. I called him out without thinking.

"Um…"

"Matvey, what do you want?" Ivan asks. I look up at him and see his annoyed face. It looks like it's saying '_I'm fed up with this...'_.

My chest tightens. Why does he look irritated?

"Oh! U-Uh I just wanted to say…I wanted to tell you…uh…" I trailed off, feeling loss for words. What do I want to tell Ivan?

"Matvey, is this important?"

I can feel tears form from the corner of my eyes. Why is Ivan being so mean? Is he really that angry?

Ivan sighs and straightens up. I grab his beige coat and look up at him with pleading eyes.

"I-Ivan, I'm sorry!" The tears fall and I subconsciously wipe it away. What I'm sorry for, I don't know at all. It's better than not saying anything at all.

I let go when I feel that Ivan won't leave. "I-I I'm sorry." I repeat.

"Matvey," I look up at him. Any emotions of anger or annoyance diminished to none and I can see a look of worry instead. Ivan sighs again. "Please tell me."

I know what he's asking for, but there's many things to tell him. Is he asking about Gilbert, my past, to confirm my sexual orientation, or all of the above?

"O-okay…"

I widen my eyes at my own words.

_What did I say?_

I look at Ivan and he nods. "We will talk later Matvey." With that, he leaves.

I stand still and I hear the wooden door swish opens, and then close. My breath accelerates each passing minute.

_What did I do?_

Did I just do what I think I did?

I actually agreed with telling Ivan everything?

Did I?

I did?

`_Now he's going to tell everyone in the school…_

My legs shake and I fall to my knees. I grip my hands as I place them on my thighs. I my shoulders shake and I watch my tears fall onto the tile floors.

`_Just like Gilbert did…_

I shake my head and run to the sink. No, I can't cry now, not at least when I'm here and Father is here. I cup the cold water in my hands and splash my face. I don't want to stay here. Rushing out of the bathroom, I slightly trip because the floors are wet.

"Careful kid." A janitor said, clearly not worried if I fell. He's leaning against the mop with a normal look on his face.

"Sorry." I say dully and I job slowly back to Father's room. I place my hands on the knob but step back then the doors open.

"Let's go." Father says, smiling, and I nod. He hands me my coat and we walk out of the daycare in silence.

I press my thumb nail to my index finger, applying pressure as we get closer to home. Father drives in silence and I'm grateful for that. Once he parks the car and we enter the house, I trot up the stairs without announcing anything to Mother.

Stripping my clothes, I take off the last article of clothing, my underwear, and step into the shower. I adjust the setting to my liking and pull the shower curtains. The pound my fist to the bathroom tiles and I slowly slide down to the tub.

I cry.

For that's all I can do in this situation.

`_Cry your pathetic heart out…_

_ `It won't change anything…_

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

I kind of feel that's a short chapter.

=[

But anyways! Thank you for actually sticking to my story.

I plan of making it slow paced, but smut will be in it, I promise!

Reviews are always appreciated!

HAHA~ I'm stupid!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:**

Wow...I took long with this...

Anyways I'm back~!

BE HAPPY~!

Oh I've been getting PMs about "Oh it seems you made a mistake about updating..." herderp.

Check out my profile regarding updates.

Oh~ I made a Facebook group of Love Is A Disease!

Want to join? Message me!

Check out my profile~!

* * *

><p>My head shoots up. I rub my eyes and look around.<p>

_BUZZ! BUZZ! BUZZ!_

I reach under my pillow and squint as the artificial light hurts my eyes.

_Oh, I need to get ready for school._

I run to the bathroom, not caring if I stood up too quickly and I start wobbling. I cup cold water into my hands and thoroughly wash my face. I look up at the mirror and widen my eyes.

My eyes are drunk red.

Was I crying?

My mind immediately went back to yesterday. It's like a train just hit me unexpectedly.

The bathroom.

_"O-Okay…"_

I said that? My mouth actually uttered that word? I feel my eyes water up and I slap myself.

Hard.

I wince as it leaves a burning _ting_ to my skin.

_Stop crying!_

Instead of feeling misery, I felt anger for myself. How could I say that? What happen to my theory, my plan? I shouldn't have said anything to Ivan. It would've been better if he was silent and ignored me.

I finish my morning routine and eat my breakfast. Mother and Father come out happily, clearly not suspecting anything from me.

_`Once they find out…_

_ `They wouldn't want you as their son anymore…_

"Bye Mattie!" Mother kisses my cheek.

I snap out of my thoughts and kiss her back. I nod to her, not saying anything and walk out the door. To match my mood, the skies are dark, threatening to rain.

As always, I don't want to go to school again.

* * *

><p>Everyone else seems to be gloomy too. Only mumbles and short replies can be heard. When the door slams open a loud giggle follows, everyone jumps a little out of their seats. Elizabeta walks in, the weather outside clearly not affecting her. She skips her way to me.<p>

"Matthew~!" She sings.

I let out a breath. It's good that she's here now; at least she's lifting up this depressing mood.

"Hey Elizabeta."

She takes Ivan's seat (who isn't here yet) and places it next by me. Elizabeta places her elbows onto the desk and laces her chin in her hands. She smiles gleefully and sighs. Elizabeta waits, as if she's expecting me to ask her something.

"What's wrong?"

Elizabeta brightens up and she giggles. "Guess what Matthew?"

I sigh at this little game. Elizabeta continues on without waiting for an answer. She leans into my ear.

"I have a boyfriend now~!" She pulls her head back and giggles.

Is that why she's extra happy? I look at her, shocked. The guys actually think Elizabeta is attractive, but they think she's scary. Especially when she beats up Francis when he makes his sexual/perverted jokes.

"W-who is it?" I ask in puzzlement. This guy must've been forced into the relationship.

"He's a college student and he's _soooo _sexy~! His name is Roderich Edelstein." She blushes and giggles.

I smile genially at her. I haven't heard of any other boyfriends she had, or any past boyfriends for that matter, so I thought she was single. Either way, I'm happy for her.

"Um college?" I blurt out.

"Yeah! He's so mature! Unlike these guys…" she looks around me and snarls her lips.

The anger snarl stays for a few seconds, but she then gets up and places the chair back to its original place. "I'll talk to you later kay?"

Just as she bounced away, my eye catches a pink scarf.

My heart stops at the sight.

Looking up, I meet a smiling Ivan.

"H-h-hey Ivan…" I force myself to smile. I feel my lips twitch a bit.

"Good morning."

Ivan sits down into his seat and I notice him looking at something. I follow his gaze and see him staring at Elizabeta. When I turn my head back, Ivan is now looking at me.

"What was Elizabeta talking about?" He says, pointing to her.

I bite my lips. Should I really tell him? I wonder if Elizabeta told anyone else, or what she told me was only for my ears. I don't want to ignore him, especially what I told him the other day.

"Uh…she just gave me good news." I say.

My face begins to warm. Talking about other relationships is awkward, especially thinking about mine.

`_You're worthless…_

`_You use others for your own benefit…_

Ivan smile snaps me out of my thoughts. He nods and faces forward. I grit my teeth as the evil though came back. I decided I wouldn't argue, everything it says is true.

I am worthless.

I am horrible.

I find myself glancing at Ivan. Why does he want to know about my past? He'll just make me feel more awful. The look of disgust would be planted on his face the minute I tell him about Gilbert. Then what, would he tell the school? Is Ivan trustworthy enough? My chest tightens and I can feel my blood running through my veins. I take a soft, shaky inhale, making sure no one hears me. Breathing normally again, I rub my eyes and take out my materials.

* * *

><p>My head snaps at the blaring sound of the end-of-school bell. The echoes of rustling papers filled the classroom and chair legs scraping against the floor. Following everyone else, I collect my materials and push the chair back.<p>

As slow as a tortoise, I walked into my locker and put in my combination. A yawn escaped my lips as I snatch my red hoodie from the little hook. Pulling it over my body, I slam my licker and readjust my hair.

I want to go home as fast as I can. I don't know if Ivan set a specific date for a chat, more hoping that he forgets, but I do not want to find out.

Should I tell Ivan what I said the other day was a mistake? How would he react after that?

_"Who knew we had a fag in our school…"_

The emptiness feeling started to creep into my chest. The memory makes me bite my lips. Is Ivan really that evil and would tell everyone at school? Is his kindness and his smiles an exterior getup?

_But it would feel nice to tell someone…_

To have this weight off of me, it would be a blessing. It feels like there are dark clouds all over me and I have to keep watch and hide them carefully. If one slips out, everything shatters and all hell breaks loose.

I push the doors open and immediately my eyes wince at the sunlight. There are more people outside than usual, most likely the good weather. I maneuver my way through the crowd. This is probably advantageous for me.

Crowd + not being notice = sneaking away from the people necessary.

Sighing, I wince at the loud voices. Maybe spacing out in class is a bad thing, it makes me more sensitive. The volume of the voices increases from senseless chatter to yelling. Groaning, I quicken my pace.

"Is that the bastard?" I hear a yell from my left.

On impulse, I turn my head to the voice. I come face to face with an angry blond with short hair, and just for a second, I thought it was Lilli.

The mysterious person grabs a fistful of my shirt and pulls me close. I gasp out in surprise and grit my teeth as his nails scrape my skin in the process. I feel my feet slightly lift off the ground and the shirt tugging my skin.

"Are you the _bastard_ that's dating Lilli!" He yells out angrily.

"Vash, what are you doing?" I hear Lilli's voice yell out. She stands a few feet away, her face looking concerned and worried. Her eyes look glassy and red; it looks like she was crying.

"Wh-who-what?" I stutter. I can't think straight, this is all confusing me.

Vash tosses me to the ground and I grunt in pain. Vash turns to Lilli as I scramble up.

"Why were you dating _behind_ back? Huh, why?" He moves his hands around in anger. I can see a vein pop out by the side of his neck.

"I-I already said I w-was sorry big brother!" Lilli shudders; she bites her lips and looks at the ground, avoiding her bothers fuming eyes. Lilli lifts her head a bit and looks at me, her eyes truly sad and in worry.

"What's going on?" I ask. That was the first question that popped into my mind.

_What is_ _going on?_

"You want to know what's going on?" Vash says through clenched teeth.

Just as start standing, Vash grabs my shirt again. My heart beats rapid, the same feeling when I'm on the rink. It felt like everything went in slow motion. Vash brings his hand back and very slowly, his fist connects with my nose. Everything speeds up again and I feel the back of my head bounce against the concrete.

I feel myself click. Gilbert, the sadness, the feelings of loneliness, it all turns into rage. Taking my feet, I swing it to the side of Vash's leg. Vash, his defense off, falls to the ground. I take the opening and crawl on top of him. Before he can react, I take my fist and it connects with his jaw, earning a small yelp from him.

"Matthew!" I hear Lilli scream.

I hit him again.

And again.

It feels so good!

I feel the weight lift off for a moment!

In a quick of an eye, my head bounces onto the ground again. Vash is on top of me and he has my shirt in his fist again. Growling, Vash punches my jaw and I bite my tongue by accident. Spitting to the side, I slowly bring my head back to face Vash.

He doesn't hit me again, but only grabs my jaw and yanks my head forward.

"You _bastard_. Dating my little _sister_…and behind my back!" he hisses.

So Lilli was hiding something.

No wonder her Relationship Status remained single…

She was keeping this '_relationship'_ a secret.

"I didn't know anything." I spat at him.

I see his brow furrow more than humanly possible. We both glare in anger, neither of us wanting to break the stare. I will myself not to turn my head and look at the obvious crowd. I can hear their murmurs and whispers, but can't make out the exact words.

Vash breaks the staring game and glances around the crowd. Scowling, he gets off of me. He spits out blood in my direction and faces Lilli. He doesn't say anything to her, just grabs her hand and drags her away.

"Matthew! Are you okay?"

Picking myself up, I look up to see Elizabeta. She kneels down and quickly dabs my nose with a napkin.

"Go away! There's nothing to see here!" Elizabeta growls. Immediately everyone scatters away, clearly aware of Elizabeta's crazy side.

"Matvey, are you okay?"

The weight comes back to me and I feel my heart drop.

Ivan brought back all the feelings.

A hand is in front of my face and I glance up. Ivan holds out his hand and I place mine to his. He lifts me up with ease. The napkin muzzles my face again and I yelp in surprise.

"Lift your head up and hold the tissue."

I obey and lift my head. Looking at the sky, I try not to look at Ivan who is front of me. He's tall so his face is still in view and if I look down, I can see his face. I fidget under his gaze and hear ripping from behind.

"We should go somewhere before the teachers come here, da?"

"Yeah we should, before Matthew gets in trouble."

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I feel Ivan's big hands grab mine. He starts walking and I look down, trying to watch my step. A few miles away from the school, Ivan stops in front of me and I bump into him. Elizabeta squeezes my shoulder in a comforting manner.

"Okay, take these into your nose."

Turning to Elizabeta, she holds out at least four wads of tissues. Looking down, I slowly take the tissue off of her. Elizabeta takes the tissue away from me and walks over to a nearest garbage can, I presume. Ivan walks in front of me and places his hand on my back.

"Want me to help Matvey?"

Nodding, Ivan places his hand under my chin, lifting my head up. Taking the tissue from my hand, he pushes it into my nose. I blush in embarrassment. He takes the other roll and gently puts it inside my nose. All the while, I feel him rub my shoulder.

Once finished, Ivan brings his fingers to the bridge of my nose and squeezes gently. Elizabeta comes back and rubs the side of my arm.

"Would you be okay?" she asks.

Fingers still pinching my nose, I slightly turn my head to Elizabeta. Nodding to Elizabeta, I take my hand and rub my jaw lightly.

"Y-yeah, I'm okay. Just that my jaw hurts like a bitch." I chuckle nervously. I don't usually curse but I feel a little laid back. Venting out my anger on Vash kind of made me feel a little loose.

Elizabeta lets out a little laugh while Ivan stays quite. "Yeah…punches like that could hurt. I never knew you could fight though!" She says.

I let out a little snigger. Her mood, regardless of the situation, can make me laugh, even just a little bit. My eyes quickly peek at Ivan and his mood remains constant. His hands are still on my nose and my eyes dance back to Elizabeta and Ivan.

"I-I..." I let out a nervous laugh. "I play hockey so…I'm used to the fighting."

I swat Ivan's hand away and hold my own nose. Eizabeta eyes widen.

"So you…you're used to…punches and stuff?" She asks.

I nod slowly and Elizabeta lets out a '_aww'_.

"I would hug you but…you're covered in blood." She says, pointing at my chest.

Looking down, I let out a little whine. True to her words, I am covered in blood. There is still vibrant red blood stains on my white button up shirt. Thankfully, it didn't fall on my jacket, so I can just take this shirt off.

"Man…" I mumble under my breath.

"My house isn't too far from here Matvey, you can clean up there." Ivan says, and for an instant, I could've sworn he wasn't here at all until he spoke.

Elizabeta nods. "That's a good idea. The school will call your house, probably tomorrow. They wouldn't find out about the fight until then."

I stand there, a little shocked at how she knows this.

How _does_ she know this?

She lets out a little laugh. "I know this 'cause _I've_ been in fights. Either that, or some pussy ran into the school and told a teacher…" She says, answering my question, looking angry.

It looks like that situation happened to her.

"So go clean up," Elizabeta continues. "Never knew you had a set of muscles." She says, punching my arm.

I will myself not to whine in pain. Instead, I smile at Elizabeta. She backs away and waves.

Until her head is just in view, my eyes go back to Ivan. Nervously looking at him, Ivan tilts his head.

"We should go da? People are starting to get curious."

I look around us and see that people are pointing, looking worried. Nodding to Ivan, I let him take my hand and drag me to where ever. I keep my head down, embarrassed about people staring at me, also that Ivan's hand is holding mine.

Still pinching my nose, we both walk this way and that, taking turns around the corner, walking down the street until we stop. Looking up, Ivan lets go of my hands and walks up the stairs to his apartment and a sound of keys jingling comes out of his pockets.

Opening the door, he turns to me and motions for me to come in. Sheepishly, I walk inside to the apartment and follow Ivan's lead. We walk up the stairs, almost to the top and Ivan brings out his keys again. Taking my hand, he pulls me inside.

Quickly, I look around his house. Everything seems to be neat and tidy, with an occasional doll or toy out. There are a lot of kid drawings and the house smells like food.

"Um…Natalia?"

"She's just got sick. My sister Katyusha took her to the doctor just about now, so they would be home for some time, as well as my Father." Ivan says, looking back at me.

I nod and he opens a door. Letting go of my hand, he drops his book bag on his bed. I look around his room. His walls are white, posters of bands in a different language are plastered on his walls, and a big Russian flag is hanging on his ceiling. His room is really neat and organized, opposite of mine.

"You should clean up a bit, da? The bathroom is over there." Ivan says, pointing to a door with Natalia's drawing taped on it, I assume.

"T-thank you."

I rush to the bathroom. Locking the door quickly, I sprint to the sink. Yanking the tissues out of my nose, I twist the handle and quickly blow my nose. A few specks of blood come out, so it must mean the bleeding has stop.

Thoroughly washing my nose, I turn the water off and stare at myself in the mirror. My jaw seems to be reddening a bit and my cheeks hurt like hell.

I give a low chuckle.

_At least he didn't go out clean either…_

The small smile on my face disappears quickly. The feeling of confuse that didn't come at the moment of the fight, comes now. What exactly happened?

Okay let me get this straight:

1) Lilli didn't tell Vash, her older brother, about this relationship.

2) Being an older brother and protective and all, he finds out, gets angry and beats me up.

I understand that all, but somehow I'm still confused. Shaking my head, I walk my way back to the door. I wouldn't want to progress my mind into it too much, it'll just make me more perplexed.

"Um I don't know what to do about this shirt," I look down, taking the shirt in my fingertips. I let out a nervous laugh. "Gues- OH! I-I-I'm sorry!"

Ivan looks back, puzzled. Due to his confusion to my shock, he drops his pants. Ivan is currently changing, no shirt on and was about to put on pants. I feel myself staring at him, as well as my cheeks flushing deep red.

Ivan has a very light skin tone, but the sunlight shining through his window makes it look angelic. He's turned sideways and I can see his muscular body. Ivan seems more strapping than the other boys in the class, probably the manliest of them all.

_Not that I see other guys naked!_

Oh and I wish I didn't look at his lower half, a pattern of sunflowers, though I couldn't laugh at it due to my embarrassment.

He just-

He looks…

Big…

In size…

Down there…

All of this causes me to blush harder. I can't find myself to look away. My eyes trail up his body and down. I feel my body heat up and my heart accelerates.

Ivan clears his throat and I jump a bit, scared by the break of silence. Ivan continues to change and I cover my face with my hands. Standing there for a moment, I listen to the rustle of clothes and the thunderous beats of my heart.

"I-I-I-I'm sorry…I-I-I shouldn't have walked in on you l-like that…" I stutter.

Ivan gives a jovial laugh, thankfully. At least he didn't stay silent, I would've been forced to peek through my fingers and see his neutral expression, or even worse, disgust, for staring at him. Slowly taking my hands away from my face, I see that Ivan has his comfort attire, pajamas and a random shirt.

"It's okay Matvey, it was my fault. We should change your shirt, da? We have a washing machine, so it might clean the blood off a little." Ivan says, walking past me holding his school uniform.

My gaze follows him and Ivan dumps his clothing into a hamper. Fidgeting awkwardly, I nod to him. Ivan walks over to his drawers and rummages through his clothing. With a loud "_aha!"_, Ivan turns around, a yellow shirt in his hand. He tosses it to me.

"It's the smallest size I have. I don't know it would fit you da?"

Nodding, he respectfully leaves the room. Even with Ivan gone, I still feel uncomfortable. Hesitantly, I take off the blazer and unbutton my shirt slowly. Tossing the blazer on the bed, I slide the white shirt off of me. I turn the shirt in front of my direction and whine in disgust.

The specks and splatter of blood has dried up to a crusty, brown color. Sighing, I unfold the yellow shit Ivan gave me. I giggle under my breath at the sight. Just like his boxers, this shirt has a sunflower on the upper left corner. He really likes sunflowers, first his scent, then his boxers and now his clothes.

I giggle out loud as put the shirt over my head. A soft, rapid knock snaps me out of my thoughts. Looking down, I feel myself blush.

_I'm actually wearing Ivan's shirt…_

"Matvey, are you finish?"

"Y-yeah…" I trail off.

Hearing the door open, I hastily pull the shirt down, not wanting Ivan to see my body. Ivan smiles softly and motions for me to follow him. Gawkily, I follow after him, my fingers fiddling with the end of the oversized yellow shirt. Ivan points to the couch and I sit down slowly, taking another look around his home. Ivan walks over to a very colorful kitchen. I see him pick up a plate and a glass and walks over to me. I watch him place a plate of cookies and milk in front of me and smile.

For some reason, even in this predicament, I smile back at him. The cookies and milk kind of bring back memories. My family and I having a 'camping trip' and Father brings cookies and milk for all of us and we snuggle close to each other.

"T-Thank you." I say politely and much on a cookie.

Ivan sits on the armchair to the left of me and sits quietly. We both sit in awkward silence. My mouth craves for another cookie but I force myself not to reach out and take it. I stare at the floor head of me and focus on rubbing my fingers together.

"Are you okay?" Ivan asks, breaking the silence.

I flinch instinctively. I stare at him for a minute, wondering what question that was meant for. He stands up and sits next to me and grips my chin and turns me sideways. I blush at how close he is. He continues to turn my head and I let him.

"It's starting to bruise…" He says softly, more likely to himself.

Before I can say anything, Ivan stands up and walks over to the kitchen. I watch him as he brings a gel ice pack from the freezer. He sits down next to me by my right side and places his hand on top of mine.

My face warms up at the sudden action and I can't seem to pull away. It's awkward enough, but his hands feel nice and soft. Turning my head to him, Ivan slowly brings the gel ice pack to my face. I wince at the cold and Ivan brings it back quickly.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Y-yeah," I start, nodding. "I-it's just cold…"

Ivan smiles gently and he pulls away and brings both of his hands over the pack and attempts to warm it up but rubbing it together. Once he deems it worthy, he brings it back to my face.

"You should keep this on your face da? It will bring down the swelling." Ivan says, smiling.

Nodding, I place my hands on the ice pack and Ivan retreats his. We both sit there in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Matvey," Ivan whispers.

I turn to him and he grabs my hand from the other side. He grips my hand tightly and I stare into his worried eyes.

"Tell me."

I squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head. My heart beats fast and I feel Ivan grip my hand harder, but not painfully. I turn facing Ivan, but instead, I stare at the floor.

"W-what do you want to know…?" I whisper back.

I promised Ivan, so I might as well keep it.

Especially with me alone with him.

From the corner if my eye, I see Ivan sit straighter, his hands letting go of mine. He seems to be thinking and I take little glances at him. My heart never ceases beating.

"That white haired boy…what was his name…the one we met at the basketball game…" Ivan trails off.

"G-Gilbert?" I feel myself choke out. Saying his name sickens me.

"Yes him. Tell me why he did that to you back at the daycare Matvey."

I inhale in order to calm down my heart beat. Ivan sits there quietly and I try to utter words. Ivan's staring is making it uncomfortable for me to talk.

"W-well…it all started in freshman, at my old school." I look up at Ivan. He gives a little nod and I continue. "Um…I liked a classmate and uh…I accidently told him I like him…" I feel myself blush and I stare at the floor.

"H-he must've been uncomfortable,_ disgusted_ even and so he told his friend, Gilbert. G-Gilbert…he…he…" I trailed off, not knowing if I should tell him what he did to me.

It took a few seconds before Ivan speaks. "He what…?"

I give a shaky inhale. The corner of my eyes blur up. "He…he did _things-_"

"What kind of things?" Ivan asks, his voice a little angered.

"G-Gilbert f-forced me to…he forced me to do dirty things…" I look up at Ivan and he seems to be not satisfied at my response.

"I-I…I gave him a…" My heart beats hard and I squeeze my eyes. "Blowjob." I whisper, too embarrassed.

I didn't speak, only listened to the breathing of Ivan's. It seemed to quicken and he grabbed my shoulder, a little painfully.

"He did what?" He hissed by my ear.

I didn't know if he wanted me to repeat myself if he didn't hear me, or he's asking the question rhetorically. I whimper at his angry face. His violet eyes seem to darken and he snarls his lips, showing canine teeth.

"I-I-I was forced!" I sob, the tears finally come out.

I shake my shoulders as I cover my face with my hands. Short little gasps escape my lips. A few minutes later, I feel hands around my shoulder. It rubs me affectionately then it pulls me into a hug. I look up at Ivan. His eyes are closed and his eyebrows furrow down, angry looking. Ivan doesn't let go and I stare at him in shock.

"Don't cry Matvey…I'm not here to criticize you." Ivan said and his expression relaxes.

As if magic, my tears stop and Ivan releases me. He wipes me eyes and holds my hand again. He tilts his head and squeezes my hand. My heart beats again and I could feel it fill up my chest, but not in a painful way. It's like my chest cannot contain my heart and I feel incredibly warm.

"I just wanted you to share with me Matvey," Ivan whispers.

My heart skips beat and it feels like all outside noise was cut off. My ears were only listening to the pounding in my chest and Ivan's presence.

"W-well, I was confused with everything; I'm also worried for you." Ivan lets out a sigh.

He straitens his back and runs his hands through his oatmeal hair. Sighing, Ivan turns back to me and smiles more.

"I'm your friend Matvey, da? If it also helps…I'm also interested in men."

My ears start ringing, as if I was on an airplane. I look at Ivan, gawking at him.

_He…_

_ He's what…?_

"Y-y-y-you're g-g-gay?" I say.

I couldn't help and stutter. Ivan face didn't change, he kept his small smile. Ivan nods a bit and turns his head forward.

"I'm what you say…bisexual, that is how you say it, da?" He turns to me and nods.

Ivan…

I would've never guessed him to like other guys.

"You don't believe me?" He asks, tilting his head.

I shake my hands in front of me, shaking my head as well. "N-no it's not t-that…I-I'm just…shocked."

Ivan giggles a bit but then his face turns serious.

"Listen Matvey," he starts. Ivan clutches my hands and I notice his thumb slowly rub the back of my hand.

"I am here for you da? So please…don't be sad." Ivan looks at me, frowning.

We stare into each other eyes and I'm afraid of breaking the silence. His face slowly turns natural and I can see a little glint in them. They seem to sparkle or brighten more as the time ticks by.

The vibration of a phone breaks the silence.

The vibration comes from the back o my pants and I dig into it. Opening it, a 'new message' pops out. It was Father and he was wondering why I didn't come to the daycare.

"O-oh…sorry." I say to Ivan. I glance back at him and then at the phone, texting at the same time.

I reply saying I had a lot of homework. Even if it was a lie, this gave me an excuse to go home now. It's not that I wanted to leave, it's just what Ivan confessed to me makes me a little bit uncomfortable.

Awkward.

Dumbfounded.

"I-I-I should go…" I trail off, standing up.

Ivan stands up as well and nods understandably. Ivan holds up a finger saying 'one second' and retreats deeper into his home. A few rattling and a metal slamming, he comes back with a white shirt in hand.

"It should be clean now, da?" He says, handing it over to me.

Turning the button up shirt, I examine it. The blood stains are completely off and it looks as good as new.

"Thank you Ivan. I should probably give you this shirt back…" I said trailing off and looking down at the yellow sunflower shirt.

Ivan shakes his head and laughs. "Not a problem Matvey and its okay. You can keep it." He flashes a wide smile.

I feel myself blush and my heart beating.

"O-okay…"

I clumsily go back to Ivan's room and snatch my blazer. I stuff the white shirt into my bag, too lazy to put it on. Slipping the blazer on, I walk back to the living room and Ivan stand by the door. He opens the door and leans against it.

"Matvey, would you like me to walk you home?" He asks.

Blushing again, my heart beats against my chest.

_Why is my heart acting up?_

"N-no…it's okay. You already did so much Ivan…" I trail off into a whisper.

Ivan smiles. "No no, it was fine, da? You should visit again~!" He says childishly.

I giggle, missing his childish voice. I nod to him.

"Yeah, but not covered in blood again…"

Ivan gives another laugh and I join him. I step out into the hallway and Ivan says another farewell.

"Matvey…if you need anyone to talk to…you can come to me, da?" Ivan says seriously. He crosses his arms.

I nod my head slowly, my heart beating again and my ace flushing. It actually feels nice that I have someone to talk to now…especially Ivan being bisexual.

He can somewhat understand my feelings.

"Y-yeah Ivan…thank you. I will." I give a small smile.

Ivan smiles again and waves, then goes inside his home and closes the door. I slowly walk out of the apartment and to my train station, actually feeling at peace in a long time.

Telling Ivan actually some things has lifted weight off my shoulders.

And I plan on telling him more.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Yes!

The moment you've been all waiting for!

Ivan is bisexual!

xD xD xD xD xD

Anyone wanna RP?

My new addiction!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:**

Well bend me over and fuck me in the ass.

Yeah yeah, I haven't updated in a while...

I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE! :D

Hey, I had writers block...

But I will apologize for being lazy while at it.

I'm sorry~

* * *

><p>No one is home yet, so I'm good for a couple of hours.<p>

_Now how am I going to tell my parents about the fight?_

I'm pretty sure I don't want to wait until the last minute. My punishment would be far worse if they know before I told them.

I'm lying on top of my bed, staring at the ceiling. I finished all of my homework and so the remaining time gives me a moment to think over my situation. I feel a little angry towards Lilli. How could she keep this away from her brother? Now I know the perfect reason she did that.

Her brother was a psycho!

Vash, if I remember his name correctly, is extremely overprotective. Sure, if I had a little sister, I would be hurt that she had to hide her relationship from me, but I wouldn't go out and injure the guy! Oh how the situation would change if he also knew I was gay and used her. I guess I would be in the hospital now.

How will my parents act? Of course they would want to confront the principle and Vash about this, especially Mother. What kind of punishment would I face? I don't know what they do to students who fight but I'm too worked up about it.

My thoughts are cut short when I hear the door open and slam close. A heavy sigh can be heard from downstairs. My hearts starts beating as I gently get off my bed and open my door and peak from the stairwell. I see Mother's heels at the front of the door and another sigh escapes from her.

Slowly, I walk down the stairs.

Mother sits at the couch, her feet on top of the coffee table. She has her blazer off and her head was hung and her eyes are closed. She glances up at me and smiles.

"How was your day?" Mother asks, motioning for me to sit besides her.

I try to walk normally. Mother would notice something is up. She is really good at reading people, especially me. Mother states her skills were from practice with Father. She can tell if someone is having a bad day or they're hiding something. Her motherly instincts would kick in and she would do whatever in her power to fix it.

Though, with her great –and freaky– skills, she still, after about three years of my own realization, hasn't figured out I like guys.

I sit down next by her, my heart beating frantically.

"W-Well…something happened…" I say slowly.

I glance at her to watch for her reaction. Mother's face immediately turns to a concerned expression. She looks like she's about to say something but Mother then furrows her brows and she grips my chin gently, but firmly. I give out a small, painful yelp. That's the same spot Lilli's brother punched me and it seems like it's starting to bruise. That only makes Mother's brows furrow more and she turns my head sideways.

My body starts become sweaty and I swallow a large lump in my throat. Mother stares at my face for a long time, which makes me more uncomfortable. She turns my head and examines the other side of my face. Finally, after what seems like hours, Mother lets go and she stares at me hard.

"Matthew Williams," Mother says sternly.

Mother never uses my full name, always a nickname. Nicknames like 'Mattie', 'Mat', or 'sweetie', unless she was being serious or I'm about to get a serious talk.

"D-Did…did you get into a _fight?"_ Mother gasps out.

I look up at her nervously. Staring at Mother, she only becomes angrier by my silence. I swallow the lump in my throat and slowly nod.

It's like you can hear a needle drop.

Mother doesn't say anything at all. Her angry expression just a while ago relaxes now and she's just staring ahead. This reaction is far worse than I expected. I would actually be happy if she yells at me angrily, but not this.

Taking a few deep breaths, Mother turns to me.

"We will discuss this once your Father is home," Mother says, her face neutral and her voice holds no signs of emotion.

I stand up to leave but Mother grasps my hand gently. I turn to her with a frown on my face. I just want the comfort of being in my room alone.

I already feel guilty enough…

"Thank you for telling me sweetie," Mother gives me a small smile. "You could've just kept it from me but you didn't." Mother gives me a comforting squeeze and lets goes.

"You can tell me your side of the story once your Father comes home."

Nodding to her, I trot up the stairs and close the door to my room. I jump into my bed and place my hands behind my head, just staring at the ceiling. I really don't want to think much of the talk I'll be giving to Mother and Father. It'll just make me more apprehensive and guilty.

* * *

><p>My eyes open when I hear my name from downstairs. Immediately, my stomach grumbles and I crook my head over to the clock on top of my drawers.<p>

It's time for dinner.

Frowning, I smooth down my hair with my fingers and check my breath. I must've taken a nap. Going to my bathroom, I rinse my toothbrush and hurriedly squirt the toothpaste onto it. Brushing my teeth quickly, I spit the toothpaste out of my mouth and calmly walk down the stairs. Already at the table is Father. He looks up as he notices my presence.

"Hey kiddo! What took you so long?" Father asks, sipping from his glass.

Out of what's to come, I look at Mother nervously as I sit. She doesn't take notice, but only smiles and seats herself, placing a tray of food on the table.

"I-I must've taken a nap…" I say.

Father nods and he takes the spatula and places a strip of chicken onto my plate, then Mother's, and finally serving himself. Father releases a sigh and glances at Mother.

"I can't even remember the last time I've taken a nap…" Father says, in-between sounding solemn and lightheartedly. He then accompanies it with a chuckle and Mother nods as well, agreeing.

I sit there, eating my food. I'm sure Mother wants me to bring up what happened to me at school today myself. I tune out what they talk around me, until Mother takes my finished plate from me. Snapping out of my inattentiveness, I look up at Mother and she goes over to the sink and begins to wash them. Mother gives me a very obvious look and I clear my throat, my heart starting to beat in nervousness.

"S-So something happened at school…" I start.

Father turns to me, a toothpick in his mouth. His face looks partially concerned but gives me a half lazy look. I glance back at Mother and she sits back on the table.

"Well…I got into a fight…"

I swallow the lump in my throat and look between Mother and Father. Father takes the toothpick out of his mouth and he leans closer to my face, narrow his eyes.

"Well I do see a bruise…did you get the other guy good?" He says, and then laughs.

Mother gasps out loud. "Elliott! This is serious!" She looks at Father angrily.

Father laughs dies down but chuckles a bit. "Rose calm down! He fought a lot of kids when he plays hockey!" He exclaims, looking at me.

Mother let out a disapproving _tsk_. "And I _still_ don't accept him playing hockey…" Mother sighs. She then turns to me.

"Tell us your side of the story…" Mother says calmly.

Nodding, I clear my throat and inhale deeply. "Well I was going to go home like usual until this guy just outright attacked me," I start, pausing to glance at Mother and Father.

I plan on not revealing much about Lilli and Vash. Their eyes telepathically tell me to continue on with my explanation.

"I let myself get angry and I fought back. He left the scene and a friend helped me clean up."

Father now scrunches his brow in questioning.

"What friend?" He asks.

"I-It's Ivan. He let me clean up at his house," I say.

"Do you know this kid that fought with you?" Mother asks.

I shake my head. "I don't really."

It wasn't much of a lie, I guess.

Mother lets out another sigh and she leans back into her chair. Just then the phone rings and Mother gets up to get it. She walks out of the dining room and into the kitchen, where the phone is.

I'm alone with Father.

I'm worried about how Father thinks about me being in a fight. Just like he said, I do get into fights when I play hockey. I remember a time when my blood coursed with rage and I could care less that my hands were bare in the cold rink. I got off the rink and Father was there. He waited until I got some medical treatment and I think I caught a smile on his face.

Now, would be he proud about this fight?

"To be honest…" Father whispers, taking the toothpick out of his mouth.

I turn my head to him and my heart starts beating. My ears strain itself to not miss a single word Father is about to say.

"I don't really care if you got into a fight. I'll talk to your Mother and see if I can get you off the hook." Father gives a wink and he resumes his position facing forward as Mother comes back.

Mother walks in, running her hand through her hair, sighing as she places her hand onto the dining table and leans on it.

"I guess your school is not _that_ stupid…I mean come on! How can you not notice students _fighting?"_ She says, with hand movements.

This kind of reminds me of what Elizabeta said to me.

Giving another sigh, Mother turns to Father and me.

"Well they want us to go to your school tomorrow Mattie. Discuss with the principal there…" Mother _tsks_.

Father nods. "I'll tell the daycare that I'll come a little late."

Mother nods at that. She then turns to me.

"Thank you for telling us Mattie." Mother says once again, and I know with that, I'm dismissed.

Filled with relief, I go up the stairs and jump into the comfort of my bed. My chest feels a little light now that I finally confessed. But a full range of questions fills my mind. What would happen to Lilli? Well she really didn't do anything. It was more of her brother and me. I just hope that Lilli wouldn't get into too much trouble because of me.

* * *

><p>I feel a little ashamed that both my parents are here. They sit in the waiting room of the office and I stand in the doorway, watching people rush past me to get to their homeroom. A few people –whose names I couldn't remember, but their faces were familiar– stop in their tracks and have small talk with me.<p>

I still feel embarrassed about the student body seeing me in a French main costume, but it seems that they have forgotten about that for now. What they really were talking about was my fight between Lilli's brother and me. They comment on how 'awesome' the fight was or how I looked 'badass'. Some even questioned to why we were fighting. My only response to that was a frown and a shake of my head.

The random people that swarmed over me quickly left as adults shoo them away. My eyes catch a familiar brown and oatmeal colored hair. I feel a little weight lift off of me as I smile at Elizabeta and Ivan. At least I can have a little comfort after all this is taken care of. As soon as they were about to approach me, another adult shooed them away, barking at them to get to class.

My heart starts to thump as I hear my name called from behind me. Turning around, I see Mother and Father entering the room and I follow behind. The door closes and I swallow a large lump in my throat. The principal motions us to sit into the chairs across from her desk. I flop down into the chair as my parents sit.

I haven't seen the principal much. I glance at the solid name tag and then bite the inside of my cheek as I look her. Principal Smith folded her hands on top of her desk, a small smile on her face. She looks fairly old; her features are more sharp and defined. Her hair is a mix between black and gray strands and it looks like her wrinkles are starting to show.

Principal Smith brings her hands out to my parents to shake.

"Hello, I'm Mrs. Smith, thank you for taking your time to come here." She says professionally.

Mother gives a firm shake and Father does so as well.

"Nice to meet you." Mother replies.

Principal Smith sits back into her chair and she folds her hands again.

"Now you all know why we are here," Principal Smith says, looking at everyone, including me.

I can see my Mother nod.

Principal Smith turns to me. "Now someone tells me that you were fighting with someone on school grounds. Is that right Matthew?"

I nod my head. "Y-Yeah…"

Principal Smith gives a short nod.

"And from what I know…" She looks through some files and opens one.

"You fought with a student's older brother, am I correct?" Principal Smith looks up at me.

I take a nervous glance back at my parents, and then look at Principal Smith. I nod to her statement.

"A student named Lilli, am I correct?"

I nervously glance to my left. Mother and Father are both looking at me. My eyes go back to Principal Smith.

"Y-Yeah."

I can't say anymore, there isn't anything else that I can say to change the situation I'm in.

Principal Smith nods her head and she closes the file on her desk. She once again, folds her hands and turns to me.

"Want to start explaining what happened? From the beginning."

My parents shift themselves so they are facing me. Blinking nervously, I clear my throat and look between Principal Smith and my parents.

"Well I was going to go to my dad's workplace like usual. There was a crowd outside and I didn't think much of it." I stop and look at them.

They all say nothing, but Principal Smith nods.

"S-So he just outright _grabs_ me." I say with hand motions.

Principal Smith nods.

"What else happened?" She asks.

Looking at Mother and Father, I see Mother lips are pressed together. Father is looking at me with a confused expression. My heart is beating erratically and I feel my body warm by the minute.

"He punched me, I punched him back."

Principal Smith stays quite for a moment. I didn't want neither of my parents to know about Lilli and Vash. How will they react to that? They didn't even meet Lilli, and she's my girlfred.

Or I should say, ex-girlfriend.

Principal Smith lets out a sigh. "You see…the problem with that is that you made this situation a little worse. If you haven't retaliated then this would've been easier to handle."

Principal Smith turns to my parents.

"Do you understand what is happening, Mr. and Mrs. Williams?" She asks my parents.

I turn my head over to them. All of this is making me guilty. I slink down into my chair and put on my hood.

"W-W-Well…not necessarily…" Mother stutters out.

Mother shoots me a look of anger and I bite my lips.

"You see, since this student's brother is over the age of eighteen, he has committed a crime." Principal Smith says in a serious tone.

Mother lets out a gasp and I quickly straighten myself. Widening my eyes, I look over at my parents. Both Mother and Father are looking at me.

"Matthew…" Father's voice was stern and Mother looked like she was about to say something but Principal Smith clears her throat to bring back their attention.

_Oh thank you!_

"It isn't entirely Matthew's fault," She says, motioning to me.

"He did react on instincts. It wasn't intended on purpose I believe, right?" Principal Smith looks at me with on eyebrow raised.

I shake my head immediately. "N-No! I-It just…came to me…" I say weakly.

Mother shoots me another angry look.

Principal Smith nods. At least she can believe me. From the look in Mother's eyes, it seems like she doesn't.

"I _highly_ suggest you press charges. I do not tolerate fights on school grounds…_especially_ an adult harming a minor." Principal Smith says, shaking her head and _tsk_-ing.

I see Mother nod. "What kind of charges are we talking about?" Mother asks.

_She can't possibly want to arrest him!_

How would Lilli react? From the way she acts, she must _really_ love her brother.

"Battery and some form of assault."

The room falls to an immediate silence. Principal Smith waits patiently, possibly waiting for my parent's decision in this matter. The silence only intensifies my heart beats and my dread.

This wasn't supposed to happen…

Nothing serious like this…

Father clears his throat, making me jump in my seat. He looks sheepishly at me and then turns to Principal Smith.

"A-And Matthew?" Father asks.

Oh right…

_Will I be arrested?_

I look at Principal Smith and back at my parents. Mom looks shock and worried, her eyes wide and almost tearful. Principal Smith looks at me for a moment then back at Father.

"He will most likely get community service from the police at most _and_ detention from us," She turns to me. "Let this be a lesson to you!" Principal Smith says harshly to me.

Biting my lips, I turn to see Mother nod in agreement.

"The police will contact you later this afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Williams. Thank you for your time." Principal Smith says, ending this conversation and extending her hand for a handshake.

All of us get up and both Mother and Father shake her hand.

"Thank you for having us Mrs. Smith…" Mother says, shaking her hand.

"Matthew, I will like to talk to you for a bit longer." Principal Smith says and I immediately plop down into the seat in front of her.

I turn to Mother and Father and she nods. Mother then leans over to me and I can see the anger in her eyes.

"We will have a long _talk_ at home," She turns to Principal Smith and smiles again.

"Thank you again Mrs. Smith." Mother says.

Principal Smith just shakes her head. "No worries at all."

I turn around and Principal Smith is dialing on the phone. She picks it up and swivels in her chair away from me, the spiral cord connecting the phone following her.

"Yes, please bring Lilli Zwingli into my office…thank you." Principal Smith says in a professional voice, then swivels around and places the phone back into the receiver. She folds her hands and just looks at the door, waiting for Lilli to arrive.

I can't hide my wide eyes. Lilli and I will be in the same room. How will she act now? Will she scream at me and be angry knowing her beloved brother will go to jail?

Most likely yes.

At that moment of my thinking, the sound of the doorknob turning makes my skin crawl and I force myself not to turn to that direction. I hear the door close and clearing of a throat. I feel a set of eyes on me.

"Oh Ms. Lilli, why don't you have a seat?" Principal Smith says calmly and gestures to the seat beside me.

There are only three seats and I'm sitting in the middle so either way, Lilli has to sit by me. Shuffling can be heard and Lilli sits besides me, looking at Principal Smith while fiddling with her fingers. She tries to avoid giving me one glance from what I can tell, but every few seconds Lilli would look my way.

My throat feels dry and I try to swallow my saliva. Emotions ranging from nervousness and guilt overwhelm me. The seat I'm sitting in suddenly becomes uncomfortable and I sift in it. I return nervous glances at Lilli.

"Well…both of you should know why you are here…" Principal Smith says with a sigh.

We both stay silent, waiting for her to continue. But after a moment of awkward silence, we nod our heads.

Principal Smith clears her throat. "Would one of you like to share how all of this started?"

She looks at both of us, raising an eyebrow. Lilli and I both look at each other, wondering who should speak. Principal Smith's taps on her desk, waiting. After another long silence, I open my mouth to utter the first words but Lilli makes a sudden movement that catches my eyes.

"W-Well…Matthew and I…we…we started dating…" Lilli stubbles out and then looks up at Principal Smith, seeing if she will disapprove of this sudden information.

Principal Smith nods, urging Lilli with a hand to carry on with the explanation. Lilli looks at me then back at Principal Smith, shifting in her seat as well.

"A-And I never told my brother…he always tells me not to hang out with boys or date them…but I didn't see any problem with it." Lilli glances my way for a second before continuing. "So I kept our relationship," Her hand moves side to side, gesturing me and her. "A secret."

Principal Smith nods, digesting what she just heard. We all sit in silence, Principal Smith just staring down at her empty desk.

"So he has gotten upset and fought with Matthew here." She says, gesturing me with her hand.

Lilli looks at me and then turns to Principal Smith, nodding.

"And here we are now…" Principal Smith says with a sigh, leaning back into her chair and swiveling here and there.

Both Lilli and I exchange glances and then turn our eyes back to Principal Smith.

"You do know," Principal Smith says, speaking to Lilli. "Your brother has committed a crime?"

Lilli widens her eyes and she sifts to the edge of the seat, one hand griping the arm rester.

"W-What?" She says, in a small whisper.

Principal Smith only nods. "Battery and possible assault."

She says no more, allowing Lilli to digest this. She slumps back to her seat and looks to her left, staring at the floor. I say nothing and look at my feet. I don't like how I'm making Lilli like this. She's obviously not taking this well.

"It's the only thing I can do," Principal Smith says softly. "He has attacked a student on school grounds…"

"P-Please don't!" Lilli says, her eyes glassy and shiny.

Principal Smith shakes her head. "A grown adult like your brother should know better. Besides, the decisions whether to press charges are up to Matthew's parents."

Lilli quickly crooks her head to me and I feel my heart take a sudden drop. Her lips are quivering and I can see the intense force she putting onto the cushions of the arm chair.

"Matthew…I-"

"I-I'm sorry! I-It isn't my choice…it's my parents…" I quickly say, cutting off Lilli.

Before anyone else can say anything, the end-of-homeroom bell rings loudly. I sigh with relief. Principal Smith sighs and she stands up from her seat and both Lilli and I do so as well. Principal Smith adjusts her glances and she narrows her eyes at me.

"Let's hope this will be a lesson to you Mr. Williams because next time it might as well be suspension…or even being expelled." Principal Smith says slowly.

Rubbing the back of my neck out of nervousness, I nod to her. "Y-Yes Principal Smith…"

Principal Smith gives Lilli a glare. Smoothing her blazer, she motions us to leave. Clearing my dry throat, I open the door and hold it for both of them. Principal Smith gives us one more look before a secretary dash to her and hands her an armful of folders. She walks away, shaking her head and answering things back to the secretary.

I start walk away to my current class, looking down. Hearing rapid footsteps behind me, I lift my head up a bit to see Lilli walking towards me. Widening my eyes, she grasps my hand and drags me to where she's going. Looking at the back of her head in confusion, I try to snatch my hand back. But Lilli only tightens her grip. She maneuvers between some students and then opens the door to the janitors' closet and pushes me in.

Lilli turns on the light switch by the side of the door and she closes the door. Biting my lips, I rub my arm self-consciously. She probably wants to yell at me for getting her brother in 'trouble'. I nervously look up at her and see her run up to me. I flinch hard as she grabs my shoulders. I can feel her nails dig into my skin. Lilli pushes me and my head bounces against the metal cabinets behind me.

"What the hell Lilli?" I say angrily.

I never use this language with Lilli before, but right now wasn't the time. I thought after this, Lilli wouldn't confront me, but guess I'm wrong.

"Matthew…tell your parents not to charge my brother…please…" Lilli says in a pleading voice. She looks like on the verge of crying.

My angry expression cools down and guilt washes over me.

"T-That isn't my choice…" I mumble.

Lilli tightens her grip and she snarls.

"Well tell them _not _to!" She screams in my face.

I widen my eyes. Never once I have met Lilli, have I seen her angry. Due to my shock, I don't say anything. Lilli huffs deeply for a few minutes before she releases her grip and uses the back of her hand to rub her eyes. Her breathing becomes ragged and she starts sniffling.

"J-Just…p-please…h-he's all I have..." Lilli cries.

I fight with myself whether to consol her or to let her cry. Before I can reach my arm out, Lilli gives one last shaky inhale and she's back to normal. Only rubbing her eyes her and there. She wipes her face clean the best she could.

"I-I…I don't know…I-I'll try…" I say, turning my head the other way.

Lilli clears her throat and I feel arms around me. Gasping a little, I see that Lilli is hugging me. I stand still, my arms at my side. She releases and lets out a nervous laugh.

"T-Thank you…" She says and walks out of the closet, leaving me alone.

I close my eyes and lean against the rail. All of this is just making me feel guilty even more. I still haven't told Lilli I've been using her, so how will she react now? Would she still want to hug me and thank me?

I let out a small snort.

_Of course not…_

The sound of the school bell snaps me out of my thoughts.

Smoothing myself down, I turn off the lights of the room and walk out.

* * *

><p>"So…what happened?"<p>

Elizabeta towers over me, staring at me with wide eyes. Slowly, she brings a cup of juice to her mouth and slurps loudly. My eyes glance from Elizabeta to Ivan. Ivan sat across from us, his arms crossed and chuckling. Elizabeta is right besides me, clutching my shoulder and she's still slurping that juice box.

"U-Uh…I-I…" I stutter, my eyes dancing between Elizabeta and Ivan.

I feel cold sweat trickle down my back. Should I tell them? Is what Principal Smith discussed with me supposed to stay between us? I bite my lips nervously and move backwards, trying to have a little personal space.

Elizabeta only crawls closer. Her body shifts much more sensual and my eyes trail down to her exposed chest, which makes me blush a little. It's like she's a cat walking towards me. I can't help it! It's her fault for not buttoning her shirt all the way. Elizabeta notices and she smirks.

I bit my lip, wondering what she's going to do. Elizabeta grabs my hand and next thing I know, I'm in a hug. But my face is pressed against her chest. It doesn't make it better that she starts spinning side to side.

"Who knew you were such a perv Matthew~!" Elizabeta purrs.

I try to push her away but as soon as I can get a breath of air, she pulls me back. My eyes can make out Ivan smirking and I can hear him chuckling. Elizabeta presses closer to me. I can already tell I have a red tint across my face.

"If you tell us, I won't suffocate you~!" Elizabeta purrs again.

"Not with what you got l'amour!" I hear Francis call out.

Elizabeta lets a small growl escape her lips but she makes not inch of movement. Only her hand goes up really quick and I see that she gave him the middle finger. Francis only laughs and I imagine him blow a kiss to her.

"E-Elizabeta!" I yell out, though I know it sounds muffled.

"I won't let go until you agree to tell us~!" Elizabeta laughs and she continues to sway side to side.

Through the hold, I make a small nod and Elizabeta quickly releases me. Immediately, I cover my blushing face and Ivan erupts into laughter. Taking a peek, I see Ivan's face is pulled back and he's clutching his stomach. Groaning out loud, I take a peak towards Elizabeta. She has a small blush on her face and she's smiling.

"You are very cute Matvey да?" Ivan chuckles and I groan again.

Ivan calling me cute just makes me blush more. For some reason, my heart is beating faster than usual. I take another peek at Ivan and he catches my gaze. He holds it for a moment and leans forward, smiling and giving me a wink.

"Nhnn…stop m-making f-fun of m-me…maple!" I whisper.

Elizabeta coos and she hugs me from the side, prying my hands open and she rubs her cheek against mine.

"Aww~! I'm sorry~! But it's not my fault you're a perv~!" Elizabeta says, hugging me tight.

I give a yelp and push her away, afraid she's going to suffocate me again. Elizabeta pouts but then she gives a small smirk and releases her grip and lets go. I turn to Elizabeta and she blows me a kiss. This as well makes me blush and I look down, fiddling with my sweater.

"Okay…so you're gonna' tell us?" Elizabeta asks, her face serious now.

After a moment of silence, I clear my throat.

"W-Well…um…Lilli's brother my get arrested…" I say, my voice slowly fading off to a whisper.

Silence was between them and the only things you could hear were the people outside and their chatter. Feeling awkward in the silence, I look up to see Ivan and Elizabeta both staring at me with blank expression.

"WHAT?" Elizabeta booms out, squeezing her juice box.

Flinching at her loud voice, I put my hands up in defense.

"A-Are you serious Matvey…?" Ivan asks in a concerned voice.

I turn to him and slowly nod. Elizabeta grabs my hand in an iron hold which makes me wince in pain. She looks up at me with an angry expression which makes me gulp. I turn to Ivan to see if he will help me but he just stays still with a watchful eye.

"Over a _small_ fight?" Elizabeta sneers.

"A-Ah they're going to charge him with assault and battery…" I say, trying to pry my hands off of Elizabeta's grip.

"A-And what about you?" Ivan asks.

Successfully getting my hands free and rubbing them, I look at Ivan then at Elizabeta.

"W-Well the police is going to make me do some community service and Principal Smith is giving me detention…" I say, biting my lips.

Elizabeta growls and she throws her crushed juice box across the field, not really aiming anywhere, just throwing in anger. She hangs her head in her hands and sighs in frustration.

_Why is she so angry?_

I glance at Ivan to see if he has the possible answers but he just looks at me with bewilderment. He then looks at Elizabeta and gives me a shrug.

"Man those fu- freaking ass holes!" Elizabeta sneers.

Elizabeta crosses her arms and she mutters curses under her breath. A piece of her long, brown hair falls in front of her face and she blows it away irritably.

"I-I mean," she stutters heatedly. "How can they make _you_ pay for what he did to your," Elizabeta comes closer and she grasps my face between her fingers gently. "To your cute face~!" She giggles, her mood lifting a bit.

Despite the situation, I blush at her last comment. Pouting, I swat her hand not too harshly and bite my lips.

"I-I would like it if you would stop calling me cute…" I mumble.

My eyes take a quick look to Ivan and I catch him smiling at me, which makes me blush even more.

"B-But I don't want my parents to arrest Vash…" I mumble.

Both Elizabeta and Ivan look at me. They both exchange looks to each other before they return their gaze to mean. Elizabeta and Ivan come closer to me and Elizabeta holds my hand.

"Why is that? Hell, I think he deserves it…" Elizabeta scoffs.

"B-But…" My voice trembles and I take a moment to clear my throat and rub my eyes.

"Did you see the way Lilli was in there? She was _begging_ me to tell my parents not to arrest him…" I choke out.

Elizabeta squeezes me hand. Ivan and Elizabeta don't say anything and I'm a little glad.

"My god…" I sigh and I release from Elizabeta's hold so I can rub my face.

"I don't think I can face Lilli again if they arrest her brother…" I say lowly.

"You should do what you think is best." Ivan says sternly.

That's not the advice I really wanted. Either decision I make will have a bad ending. If I choose to help Lilli, my Mother especially would be furious and would still want to press charges. But on the other hand, if I allow Mother to press charges, Lilli would hate me forever.

"But-"

"Ivan is right Matthew." Elizabeta says, cutting me off. "I-I don't know what to tell you…I never gotten into trouble like this." She says, chuckling nervously.

Biting my lips, I slowly nod. Elizabeta rubs my shoulder, trying to comfort me. Luckily, to save all of us the awkward silence, the end of lunch bell rings. Elizabeta cleans up her scraps and we all stand up. Rubbing my eyes, I feel a hand around me and I look up to see Ivan.

"Do not feel sad да? I want to see your cute happy face!" Ivan chuckles.

My mood lifts up and my face flushes red. Stuttering incoherent words, my expression quickly becomes angry.

"I-I would a-appreciate if you two would s-stop calling me c-cute!" I say, scolding at Ivan and Elizabeta who just started coming back to the group.

Instead Elizabeta coos and she jumps out and hugs me.

"You're even cute when you're angry~!" Elizabeta yelps and she cups my face in her hands.

Elizabeta starts pinching my cheeks painfully and she makes baby noises. Blushing, I looking up at Ivan and see him laughing. Biting my lip, I gently push Elizabeta off and storm out of the courtyard. Elizabeta's voice and Ivan's giggling follow me.

* * *

><p>"Matthew Williams please report to the main office."<p>

Following the announcement, the end-of-school bell rings.

Frowning, I gather my things and look to Ivan.

Ivan only gives me a shrug and he gathers his things as well.

Giving a deep breathe, I maze my way into the crowd and step into the main office. It's a little crowded in here and I stand silently. A secretary taps me in the shoulder and I look up at her. She smiles politely and points towards the door to Principal Smith's office. Clearing my throat, I twist the handle to her room and walk in.

Closing the door behind me, I see that Principal Smith is writing. She looks up at me and smiles.

"Hello Matthew. Please, sit right here." Principal Smith says, pointing at the chairs.

Nodding, I slowly sit down. I watch as Principal Smith tidies her papers. Once done, she looks at me with her hands folded.

"Now we are going to discuss your punishments."

"Okay." I say, frowning.

I have no reason to object anyway.

"Now I will like you to have detention everyday, starting tomorrow." She says, nodding.

"E-Everyday? But why _that_ much?" I say, leaning into my seat, furrowing my brows.

"Well that doesn't seem fit? I believe it's proper actually. Well it will end till your community service ends." Principal Smith says.

I lean back into my chair. Detention everyday? Why that much? What am I going to do for that time period? I'll be so bored!

"Well, you will assist the teachers that need help." Principal Smith says, waving her hand around.

_Well, at least not that bored…_

"Report here after school tomorrow." She says, standing up.

Nodding, I stand up as well. Together, we both leave her office and I hold the door for her. Trotting through the halls, I see Ivan and Elizabeta.

"Well, why were you called?" Elizabeta asks, after I walked up too them.

"Smith says I have detention everyday, starting tomorrow." I say frowning and we start walking our way to the doors.

"What? Why that much?" Elizabeta says, aghast.

"Don't know." I say with a shrug. "Best not to argue about it…"

"Man…" Elizabeta curses under her breath.

"That's not very fair." Ivan says.

He stops in his tracks and Elizabeta and I look up at him.

"Well I need to do something, see you two later да?" Ivan says, smiling.

Elizabeta nods. "No problem~!" She giggles.

"That sucks…" Elizabeta says, walking outside.

Elizabeta and I continue our walk until we stop at the front entrance.

"Well don't get beaten down now okay?" Elizabeta says, punching me playfully.

"Yeah…and I'm probably going to get a _big_ talk when I get home…" I mumble.

"Aww," Elizabeta coos and she hugs me again.

Slowly, I return the hug. My heart is beating real fast. Technically, I'm not really excited about the upcoming talk.

"Its okay~!" Elizabeta pulls away. "See 'ya later, 'kay?" Elizabeta says, starting to walk off.

"Yeah." I say nodding. "See you."

Turning around, I start walking towards doom.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

BUM BUM BUMMMMM!

OH SHIT, LOOK AT WHAT MATTIE GOT HIMSELF INTO~!

haha~

Also, I highly suggest you guys join the Facebook group for Love is a Disease.

I will post updates of delays, news, etc. (we members also talk about other things~!)

Please join!

I also have an RP account if anyone wants to RP with me~

PM me about these two things.

Thank you for reading and wait for the next update~


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:**

Well, here I am...

Summer is out and I think I'll have more time to update fics, but then there's also the laziness.

I have a LiveJournal now if anyone is interested:

yagurt (DASH) .com

Also check out my tumblr:

pink (DASH) tinted (DASH) .com

On my tumblr, I also post fanart so feel free to make something if you want :3

The cover of this fanfic is made by SophiexSkittles.

Now to update The Evil Within...

* * *

><p>"I cannot believe you did this!" Mother yells.<p>

She was standing up, pacing back and forth behind the couches. Father was seated, his legs crossed and his crooked to look at Mother. Mother right now paused in her pacing and looked at me with an angry expression on her face.

The two of them got off work early because they wanted to talk about the fight. As I came home, they were promptly inside, comfort clothes on. They ordered me to change and to come back down to the living room quickly. All the while, my rapid heartbeats didn't cease.

_Should I answer back to her?_

"I-"

"How could you Matthew Williams? A fight?" Mother cuts me off, glaring at me.

I bite my lip and my sight bounces back from Mother to Father. Father right now just looked at me with an irritated look, but nothing as bad as Mother's. Her face was red with resentment, her veins clearly visible under her skin and she keeps on clenching her teeth.

Mother leans against the back of the couch, stopping her rant to allow me to speak.

"I-I told you! H-He just came out on me!" I squeaked.

I just wanted to melt in my seat and hide.

Mother straightens and she starts the livid pacing again, both of her hands running through her hair. She turns to me again and points at me.

"Obviously you kept something important while you were explaining yourself! A college student? You fought with someone older than eighteen and you knew and didn't tell us?" Mother says quickly out in rage.

She continues her pacing and I hear her _tsk_.

"Matthew, why didn't you tell us?" Father asks firmly, but his tone was much gentler than Mother's.

I can feel tears start form at the corner of my eyes. I clear my throat, trying to stop the tears from forming and falling down my face. Everything just made me so guilty. Lilli's brother, Vash, might be taken to prison! I didn't know someone can get charged over a fight! She also said that her brother was all she had. I don't know her personal life so I can't tell the meaning behind that. Is Vash her only support? Does she come from an abusive family?

"I-I…w-well…I didn't know something s-serious like this w-would happen…" I say softly, my head hung.

Father sighs and Mother takes a deep breath.

"Well now you know, and he has hurt you. As an adult himself, he should know the consequences. Even we didn't know until now…" Mother says softly.

"Do you even know this person?" Father asks, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward towards me. "He can't possibly just hurt someone randomly, especially knowing he would get in trouble."

I bite my lip. Father and Mother don't even know who my girlfriend was. I never got the chance to tell them because Lilli now obviously was keeping a low profile and didn't want to hang out as much, so I couldn't show her to my parents.

_Should I tell them the truth?_

"Ah um…" I start off awkwardly.

The two of them immediately lean. Their eyes bore into my and I shift uncomfortably. My eyes nervously glance back at them, then at my lap.

"Y-You know uh…my girlfriend?" I ask slowly.

"What does she hav-" Mother's annoyed voice starts off, but I stop her.

"Well, while I was dating her…she was getting a little distant…" I say, taking a quick glance at my parents.

Mother looked at me with complete confusion, with a mix of her anger. She obviously didn't like to be cut off. I shift in my seat and clear my throat. Father looks confused as well and he motions his hands in a circular motion, signaling me to continue on.

"T-Then…I found out she was keeping our relationship a secret, and her brother, which was the same guy, got angry about that and…uh…here we are now." I conclude lamely.

Mother gasps a little. She turns her head to Father and Father can only purse his lips. She turns to me and finally, _finally!_ she sits down on the couch. Mother places a hand over her chest and she pouts.

"That poor girl!" Mother gasps.

Father sighs and he sits closer to Mother.

"That still doesn't change the fact that this boy hurt our son…" Father says, mostly to Mother.

I let out a small whine. Just when I thought Mother would forgive me and possibly, if I asked, to drop the charges, Father comes in and ruins it! She sounded like she had a bit of sympathy, and maybe pity.

Mother turns her head to Father and she grabs his hand, squeezing it and nodding at him.

"That's right," Mother says, and she turns to me.

"Now this girl…Lilli was it?" Mother asks me.

I give a short nod, my heart dreading what Mother is going to say next. I really thought I was in the safe zone now.

Mother sighs and she runs her fingers at the bridge of her nose.

"Her situation, I can sympathize but that won't make me stop from pressing charges." Mother says firmly, looking at me with a sad expression, her brows scrunched together.

"B-But Mom w-"

"I'm sorry, but what's done is done." Mother says, cutting me off.

I feel tears of frustration form at the corner of my eyes. I clear my throat to stop my voice from cracking.

"A-After we left the principal office, Lilli _begged_ me to c-convince you guys not to press charges," I say, my voice trembling.

Mother was about to open her mouth but I stop her from uttering one word and continue.

"S-She was crying Mom, _crying._ She told me that her brother was all she has…please…" I beg, wiping a lone tear that started to fall.

"I-I'm sorry Matthew…but we ca-"

"_Please _Mom!" I cut of Mother again, the tears now falling.

I use the sleeves of my sweater to wipe my tears, pushing my glasses up.

"I-I just feel so guilty! She practically blames me! J-Just…" I pause as a shuddered breath escapes me.

My eyes sting from constantly rubbing. I clear my throat multiple times and sniffle a lot. Mother must feel sad right now. Whenever I cry, she would always kiss me and comfort me. Not that I take advantage of that, but it's nice to know I'm not invisible.

_And Father…_

He must feel uncomfortable.

He must want a son that doesn't cry like this…

_`A son that isn't a fag…_

"We'll think about it." Father announces, and I quickly shoot my head up.

Mother has a shocked look on her face and she opens her mouth, about to say something, but Father puts his hand on her knee and squeezes gently.

"Your Mother and I will discuss this," Father says, glancing at Mother.

Mother furrows her brows and Father ignores it, turning back to me. A spark of hope washes over me. Father might convince Mother not to press charges! Oh I hope Father does that.

"Matthew, please go to your room." Father orders.

Obediently I follow his orders and rush up the stairs. The awkwardness is finally over! Since Mother pulled me aside as soon as I entered the house, I didn't get to change my clothes. Taking off the uniform quickly, I change into something more comfortable and crawl into my bed. I close my eyes and pull the blankets over me. I am too tired to do my homework, nor do I care.

I think back to how all of this happened.

This whole mess…

_It's all Gilbert's fault…_

I was quite comfortable accepting my sexual preferences, but it was Gilbert who crushed that confidence and started feeding black coal to it. Then I wouldn't have had to lie to everyone, and to Lilli mostly. She's getting most of the bad side of this. One, she's being used and once she finds out I didn't like her, her feelings will be crushed. Also, her brother is at risk as well, because of my lies.

Tears squeezed through my eyes. Why did this happen to me? The bad things always happen to me. I wish I was invisible again, like the time at the other school. Just be invisible and not noticed. Taking off my glasses, I squinted my eyes to place them on my drawer. Quickly, I buried my face into the covers, sniffling. I fall asleep, crying and sniffling tiring my out.

* * *

><p>I really don't want to go to school. Sighing, I got off the train and made my way towards my destination. I didn't want to face Lilli at school. There's just too much going on. Walking slowly for about ten minutes, the view of the school entrance meets my eyes. Frowning, I make my way inside, passing through students. I can hear their murmurs very clearly. To sum it all up, they are just gossiping about me again.<p>

Wow, I'm talked about now. First it was me wearing the maid's outfit, which everyone hopefully forgotten, and now this fight. Shaking my head, I enter my class and sit at my desk. Today was the day I also start my detention. I frown and rest my head against my palm. I see Ivan enter the room but I don't move an inch.

Ivan sits down next by me and looks my way. "Something the matter Matvey?" Ivan asks.

I sigh and turn to face him. "E-Everything is awkward now Ivan…" I admit to him.

Ivan's face softens and he leans forward. "What do you mean Matvey?" he asks.

I was about to open my mouth but then I closed it as more students entered the classroom, as well as Mr. Wade, making his usual entrance.

"Alright losers, take your seats!" Mr. Wade said loudly, clapping his hands.

Groans and some witty comments at Mr. Wade fill the room. Everyone takes their seat but Ivan is still near me.

"I'll tell you later…" I say, turning forward.

Ivan nods his head and he does the same.

* * *

><p>Ivan and I were back out in the courtyard, eating out lunch. Elizabeta ditched us and left for Roderick, well, at least what I heard from Ivan. I'm looking down, munching on a sandwich while Ivan is drinking out of a juice box. I promised him I was going to tell him if something was bothering me, but I don't know how to start. I'm grateful Ivan doesn't say anything now.<p>

"I feel so guilty…" I start, swallowing my sandwich and looking at the grassy floor.

From the corner of my eye, I see Ivan put down his juice box and lean closer. He doesn't say anything at all.

"I-If my mom actually press charges…I don't know if I can face Lilli again…" I say slowly.

"She should understand да?" Ivan says. "She must know the pressure you're under…"

I shake my head. "I don't know…all I know is that I don't want to press charges." I sigh.

Ivan nods, and keeps quiet.

"But at least my dad will try to convince her out of it." I say.

Ivan sighs. "In all honesty Matvey, I think he should be locked away."

For a moment, I stay still. Slowly, I look up at him, confused. "W-What…?" I say softly. "N-No…he shouldn't!" I raise my voice a bit.

Ivan purses his lips. "Think about it Matvey. He _hurt _you and partially for no reason."

I shake my head. "There is a reason, but he doesn't deserve to be put away and Lilli all depressed because of me!"

Ivan raises an eyebrow. "What reason is that then?" Ivan asks.

He must be bluffing. Ivan already knows why, so how come I have to say it out loud? I stay silent, turning my head away. The embarrassment of saying why is too much.

"Well…?" Ivan drawls.

Sighing angrily, I turn back to Ivan. He has an eyebrow raised but relaxes his expression to something softer. I soften my face as well, finding strange comfort in telling Ivan. Ivan is always nice to me and he understands. I wouldn't dare tell Elizabeta because she'll just have a nosebleed over it. But Ivan, he can actually take it seriously and give me advice.

"I-I…I'm a liar…a dirty liar…" I say lowly, hanging my head in my arms. I squeeze my eyes shut.

"I'm," I lower my tone. "I'm gay," I whisper and then bring back my normal volume. "And I'm tricking Lilli's heart. If it wasn't for my pathetic self…Lilli wouldn't have to be put in this situation…"

Lifting my head a bit, I see Ivan frowning.

"Then tell her. Tell her everything." Ivan says.

I widen my eyes and straighten my posture. He has to be joking, right? I mean, he really thinks telling Lilli everything is going to fix the problem?

"I-I isn't that simple Ivan!" I exclaim. "T-The things I-I went through…I-It's just too much!" I say, tears in my eyes. I clear my throat, trying to stop myself from crying.

Ivan opens his mouth, about to speak but the bell signaling lunch is over ring through the courtyard. Small chatter echoes off as other people get up from the wooden benches and head to their next classes. I stay immobile, frowning as I stare at an ant crawling. Ivan stands up, getting out.

"Matvey, are you coming?" Ivan asks, standing by my side.

Pressing my lips together, I nod. Getting up as well, Ivan and I walk towards the building.

"I want you to tell me…" Ivan starts.

I stare up at him, confused.

"Tell me the things you went through." Ivan says, pushing the doors open.

I hide my shocked expression and start walking down the hall. The hall is filled with other kids and I maneuver my way through. Ivan does the same.

"How you feel about all of this…" Ivan says, about to part.

I look at the floor, fidgeting.

Should I tell Ivan? I already confessed to him about Gilbert. But about everything? Tell him I'm repulsed by myself? Even that evil voice in my head? What would Ivan feel if he heard _everything_? This is just too much, I'm involving him more than necessary.

"Matvey, I'm serious." Ivan says sternly.

I look up at him and sigh deeply. His eyes are hard, staring intensely at me. It makes me blush a bit and I nod slowly.

"O-Okay." I say softly.

Ivan's face expression softens and he comes over and pats my shoulder. "It must feel bad, having everything bottled up inside…" Ivan says lowly.

I raise my eyebrows at him, wondering how he experiences the same thing. Before I can say anything, a teacher shoos us away, saying we are going to be late for class. As we part, I turn my head back, taking one last glance at Ivan. Can I really trust him with my secrets? He is nice, but like they always say, ignorance is bliss.

* * *

><p>The end of the school bell sounds the whole school and makes me shudder. Today was the day I have to report to Principal Smith's office and I haven't forgotten. She's seems like a scary woman, even with that smile she gives at times. Everyone gets up quickly, like any other day, and rushes out of the classroom. Pursing my lips, I follow after them slowly.<p>

_Maybe I should ditch…_

No, I would get in more trouble. But what kind of detention would I get? I really don't know how things with punishments go with this school so it can possibly be anything. I can help the teachers, which I'm hoping for, clean around, or worse, do nothing. I wouldn't like that one bit. As I open my locker, Ivan comes up to me.

"So Matvey, you're going to Ms. Smith, da?" Ivan asks, a small smirk on his face.

Frowning, I nod. "Yeah…do you know what kind of detention I'll have?" I ask Ivan.

Ivan shrugs. "Well it depends on what you do…" Ivan trails off. "Like with fights you help around teachers."

I raise an eyebrow. "You have gotten into fights?" I ask.

Ivan nodded. "Sadly yes. I regret it." Ivan says, furrowing his brows.

Nodding, I put my stuff away. "What happened?" I ask out of curiosity.

Ivan does look buff but he's too nice to fight anyone, right? I wouldn't be able to imagine it.

Ivan shook his head. "I rather not." He said slowly, looking away.

I imagine a bloody fight between that person and Ivan. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then it's probably really bad. Frowning, I nod. I still want to find out, but I will ask later. Slamming my locker shut, Ivan and I walk slowly towards the entrance, but the office was near it. As I pause in front of the office doors, I look up at Ivan.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I say, fiddling with my shoulder bag.

Ivan nods. "Well, I'll still be in the school…" Ivan trails off.

I raise my eyebrows again. "Are you in trouble too?" I ask.

Ivan shook his head. "No I am not."

Before I can ask any more questions, Ivan starts to walk away. "I will see you around, da?" He says with a smile.

Sighing, I nod. "_If _I can…" I frown. They might put me to work nonstop.

Ivan chuckles as he pushes the door to the stairwell. "It won't be that bad."

I shrug my shoulders. Before I can say anything else, I hear the door behind me click open. Turning around, I see the same secretary from before.

"You're Matthew Williams right?" She asks.

"Yeah."

She beckons me over with an index finger. "Principal Smith is waiting for you."

Biting my lips, I enter the room slowly. Principal Smith was in her room, talking softly on the floor. Being polite, I quietly made my way over to the chair and sat down. The door shut closed behind me and Principal Smith talked some more. I wonder what she has up her sleeve.

"Okay, thank you for your time..." Principal Smith ends the call and gently places the office phone down. She turns to me and smiles, folding her hands on the desk.

"Matthew, glad you could make it!" Principal Smith smiles.

I only nod curtly. Principal Smith clears her throat and scoots closer to the desk, a bit embarrassed by her attempt of a joke.

"Well then, we should get down to business? There many things you'll be doing today." Principal Smith smiles lightly.

I frown a bit, not too happy to hear those words.

"Now then, what should you do...?" Principal Smith ponders, tapping her index finger on her chin.

Widening my eyes, I gawk at her. "You mean...you haven't thought this through?" I ask.

Principal Smith looks at me and smiles. "Honestly no. We haven't had an incident in a while..." She says, back to thinking.

I wonder if she's talking about Ivan and that mysterious fight. Now I really want to know what happened. Ivan looks like a sweet guy, I can never imagine him in a fight. He's just so nice and I can never imagine him doing that.

I force myself not to stare at Principal Smith while she 'thinks'. Instead, I stared at the framed certificates she has. Principal Smith clears her throat after a few moments, making me jump a bit and I turn my head abruptly towards her. She has this evil grin on her face and it makes me want to look away. Principal Smith must have something really bad up her sleeve.

"I got it!" Principal Smith exclaims, her index finger extended outwards.

I press my lip in a thin line, not amused by one bit. I wish she would stop this cruel teasing and just give me my damn detention.

"You'll be assisting the teachers." Principal Smith says, crossing her arms and nodding her head, leaning back in the chair.

I wanted to flail my arms and say _'that's the best you can do?' _A punishment that easy and she didn't want to tell me in the first place? Principal Smith is acting like 'assisting' a teacher is the worst thing for a student to do. Well, maybe it is, for some students but not me.

"You can start by helping my secretary, Evelyne, or if she doesn't need it, she can tell you other teachers that could possibly need help." Principal Smith say, pointing towards the door.

I stand up, nodding my head. "Uh...thank you..." I say awkwardly.

Principal Smith only nods and I find that my cue to leave her room. Grabbing my bag, I walk towards the door and open it slowly, walking out of Principal Smith's office and spotting the same secretary that hands around Principal Smith.

Now that I notice, she always has her chamoisee colored hair in a messy braid, some strands sticking out, with a big, floppy red bow to the side of her hair and her bangs pulled to the side with a few bobby pins. I see her push her thin rim glasses upward as she continues to over look files, not noticing, or in other words, not paying attention that I'm somewhat staring at her.

Taking a deep breath, I walk towards her desk. "Um...Ms..." I look for her name tag, not comfortable with calling her by her first name, as Principal Smith did.

"Ms. Bonnefoy...?" I say, raising one eyebrow.

_ Is Ms. Bonnefoy related to Francis?_

Mr. Bonnefoy lifts up her head and stares at me, adjusting her glasses. She closes the folder she was working on and puts it to the side, folding her hands in the same fashion as Principal Smith.

"How can I help you?" She says, her voice somewhat similar to Francis, a french accent, but a little more...southern if that's the right word.

"Um Principal Smith," I point behind me, towards her office door. "Er she wanted me to help you," Her face stays bland. "I-If you need any help that is!" I say awkwardly. I blush a little, finding this situation a little embarrassing. Ms. Bonnefoy's face just looks grumpy and serious.

"I gladly appreciate the offer," Ms. Bonnefoy starts. "But as of now, I don't need the help, sorry." She apologises.

I nod my head. "Oh then. Well Principal Smith also said that if you can find my a teacher that needs help, since you don't need any." I scratch the back of my head. I just want to get this over with.

Ms. Bonnefoy nods. "I can do that. Would you mind just sitting over there?" She asks, pointing to a leathery armchair next by a fake plant.

Nodding, I comply with her request and sit. The leather made a loud squeak and I try my best not to make any distracting noises as Ms. Bonnefoy picks up her office phone and dials some numbers. I bit my thumb and finally take a good look around the office. It has pictures of teachers and classes, but mostly pictures of Principal Smith in some events. I look over to see Ms. Bonnefoy's cork board. She had some sticky notes and such, but a few pictures of someone dancing, more like a ballerina.

A loud click of the phone snaps me out of my thoughts. I look up to see Ms. Bonnefoy looking at me. "Mr. Kasheem seems to be needing help."

I nod my head and stand up. "Thank you." I politely say.

Ms. Bonnefoy smiles lightly and I'm taken back. Her smiling is kind of nice. She only nods and I take my leave. Mr. Kasheem is my English teacher and I'm in his honors class. Walking towards the stair case, I make my way towards Mr. Kasheem's class on the second floor.

Walking down the hall, I see that the doors to some classrooms were still open, probably some teachers were still in there. Trying not to look in, I make my way to Mr. Kasheem's class that was dead center of the hallway. Walking in slowly, I knock on the wall, trying to catch his attention. He was sitting at a desk, his body turned. There seemed to be another student with him, a book and notebook open on the other desk. As Mr. Kasheem turned around, I looked at the mysterious student who happened to be Ivan.

I look at Ivan with a confused expression and Ivan looks down at his paper, not meeting my eyes. Mr. Kasheem looks at me, as if he doesn't know me. I feel my heart squeeze a bit, the same feeling I get when no one remembers me.

"Can I help you...?" Mr. Kasheem asks slowly.

I frown and a red tint showing embarrassment spreads across my cheek. If only Ivan wasn't here, then I would have thought nothing of this. My focus jumps to Ivan and I'm surprised to see any signs of anger in his face. He was about to open his mouth but I clear my throat, his attention snapping back to me.

"Um...you needed help..." I said slowly.

A blank look was left on Mr. Kasheem's face.

"I'm Matthew, in your class...?"

Now a raised eyebrow. I can almost feel tears starting to form.

"Ms. B-Bonnefoy called you..." I say, my voice dropping a bit.

The look of realization comes over Mr. Kasheem's features and I loath it so much. I been sitting in the front of his class the whole time and he can't remember me?

"Oh yes Matthew! One of my top students!" Mr. Kasheem stood up and went over to his desk.

I couldn't help but look back at Ivan. Ivan looks away from me, staring out the window. I wonder why he's here. He hasn't done his work or something like that? Mr. Kasheem comes back with loads of papers in his hand.

"You wouldn't mind ordering these? It's okay, they're colored coded so it should be easy." Mr. Kasheem says, gently placing the papers into my hands.

They come up all the way to my chin! Couldn't Mr. Kasheem do these himself a bit and lower the amount of these papers? I nod my head and couldn't help but to look at Ivan again. He meets my gaze but quickly looks away. Why is Ivan acting like that?

"You can sit at my desk if you'd like." Mr. Kasheem suggested.

Nodding, I make my way over to his desk and place the piles of paper on it. Mr. Kasheem goes back over to Ivan and still, my eyes just can't stop glancing back at Ivan as I worked filing the papers. Him being here just makes me really curious. They were cautious of their volume and I can only hear murmurs. A couple of minutes later, a loud sigh breaks my concentration and I look back at the group.

"This is too hard..." Ivan says in an irritated tone, his head supported by his fingers as his elbows rest upon the desk. The only thing visible from here is his frown.

"Ivan this is basic stuff!" Mr. Kasheem exclaimed, his tone matching Ivan's. He pointed to the textbook. "This is easy!"

Ivan looks at Mr. Kasheem angrily. "Obviously not for me!"

Mr. Kasheem looks back at Ivan, straightening himself. "Listen Ivan, I don't even have to do this. You could just fail English but I'm considerate enough to even _offer _to help you and I don't appreciate this attitude." Mr. Kasheem lets out a sigh.

"How about we take a break?" Mr. Kasheem suggests. He stands up and stretches a bit, walking towards the door. "I'll be right back...okay?" He says, walking out of the room.

Another sigh comes from Ivan and he puts his head in his hands, biting his lips. I look down at my work and see that I was already done. Looking back at Ivan, I see him peek at me.

"Hi." I simply say, giggling a bit.

Ivan takes his hands away from his face and I think I catch a pink tint on his face. He turned his head away and I pout. Is Ivan embarrassed for getting help? Getting up from the desk, I make my way over towards Ivan. Ivan flinches as I sit in the seat next to him. I scoot closer and over look the thing Ivan was working on but Ivan covers them with his arms.

"What are you working on?" I ask Ivan.

Ivan frowns. "It's nothing important." He says.

A small whine escapes lips and I pout a bit. "Come on, just show me!" I exclaim. "I've been sitting there, listening to you guys...I think I've been curious enough."

Ivan sighs. Slowly he removes his hands and I look down at the desk, raising my eyebrows. All there was were worksheets of stuff I learned in 8th grade, Verbs, Pronouns, etc. I glance at Ivan but he has his head turned around, the blush spreading to his ears.

_He actually looks cute blushing...!_

"Are you in ESL classes?" I ask him.

Ivan nods, not speaking.

I press my lips together. "But you speak perfect English..." I say, a bit confused.

Ivan turns his head towards me. "Da I do, but speaking English and interpreting English are two different things."

Nodding my head, I take the worksheets in hand. The worksheet was just fixing spelling errors. But the work wasn't the only error on the paper. Ivan has written on it so much, that the pencil markings and the red ink of Mr. Kasheem collided together, making the original text hard to see. There were many eraser markings and I have to squint, even with my glasses on, to see the original text.

"How about I help you?" I suggest.

Ivan widens his eyes slowly. "I rather you not..." He said slowly, recovering his shocked expression.

I frown. "Why not? Are you embarrassed?" I ask.

Ivan frowns. He looks down at his lap, not saying anything for a few seconds. He slowly nods. "I'm stupid." He says softly.

I place my hand on Ivan's shoulder and grip it not to tight. "No you aren't Ivan," I start, picking up the worksheet. "You're just having difficulties understanding. That doesn't make you stupid." I say sincerely, looking into Ivan's eyes.

Ivan stares back, as if doubting what I'm saying. He bites his lips and nods. "Okay." He simply says, looking back at the work.

Smiling, I take the worksheet and overlook it again. Then I widen my eyes. "You only got to number five...?" I said in disbelief.

Ivan shrugs and pats the textbook. "Doesn't help when you don't know the correct spelling and try to look it up in the dictionary."

I laugh a bit and look at his paper. "Well how about you start by rewriting it?" I suggest.

Ivan and I began to work, rewriting the sentences. I told him a trick when not knowing how to spell a word and you just try to sound it out. We were working for a few minutes before walks into the room.

"Sorry about that, got a little sidetracked." Mr. Kasheem says, laughter dying down. He then walks over to us and raises an eyebrow and looks at me.

"Michel right?" He says in a questioning voice.

I sigh and shake my head. "Matthew sir..."

Mr. Kasheem nods. "Oh Matthew!" He takes Ivan's worksheet in his hands. He nods slowly, turning the sheet over to the other side.

"You helped Ivan?" Mr. Kasheem asks, folding his arms.

I swallow thickly. Was helping Ivan while Mr. Kasheem was gone a bad thing?

"Y-Yeah...it looked like he was struggling when you left..." I say slowly.

Mr. Kasheem smiles slowly. "You helped him more than I did!" Mr. Kasheem laughs.

Raising an eyebrow, I glance over at Ivan and he only shrugs and I look back at Mr. Kasheem. Mr. Kasheem grins. "How about tutoring Ivan in my place?" Mr. Kasheem.

I widen my eyes and look at Ivan then back at Mr. Kasheem. "A-Are you sure...? I have detention though..." I slowly say.

Tapping his chin with his index finger, Mr. Kasheem looks up at the ceiling, thinking. A short '_aha!' _escapes his lips and he grins down at me. "How about you tutor Ivan as punishment?" He says, snapping his fingers. "Just a small, white lie." He grins.

I too smile a bit. "Yeah, I would like that!" I say happily.

It's better than helping the lazy teachers out.

"Great!" He exclaims, going over to his desk. "I'll speak with Mrs. Smith, she'll gladly take any offering of labor for you." Mr. Kasheem says, looking up as he organises his stuff into his bag. He took the bag and hung his coat over his arms. "I'm going to go now so when you're done, just close the door." With that he leaves.

As the sound of walking fades off of the hallway, Ivan groans out loud.

"Does he really think I'm stupid...?" Ivan says slowly.

I blink at him and frown. "What do you mean?" I ask.

"He really thinks low of me... _Punishment_?" Ivan stares at me, an angry expression on his face. "Really?"

Frowning, I slowly place my hand at his back. "No no Ivan, you're not stupid, you're not low. He just made a mistake..."

Ivan looks at me and frowns. "I don't even know English."

"It's okay not to know English Ivan...that's why you're learning now." I say, tapping the papers on his desk.

Ivan sighs and looks up. "We should go..." He says, pointing to the clock.

I look up and nod. "Okay." I say and help Ivan with his papers.

The two of us leave the classroom and Ivan closes the door. We walk down and down the stairs till we were on the first floor.

"Thank you." Ivan says out loud.

I turn my head and smile at him. "No problem Ivan. Tutoring you isn't a problem to me."

Ivan shakes his head and stops. "No Matvey...thank you. Thank you for everything." Ivan says slowly, looking at me with a serious expression.

Blinking at him, I stop and stare at him for a couple of seconds. "Your welcome..." I say softly.

I don't understand what kind of thank you this is, but Ivan looks very serious and I'll just play along with it.

"I'll see you tomorrow, da?" Ivan smiles, starting to walk off towards the doors.

Smiling back at him, I wave. "Of course."

He smiles back and pushes the door open, walking out. With I sigh, I was about to walk off when I felt a finger tap at my shoulder. Turning around, I face Ms. Bonnefoy.

"So, Mr. Kasheem has told me about tutoring?" She quirks an eyebrow.

I laugh sheepishly and nod my head. "If you don't mind...or really, if Principal Smith doesn't mind."

Ms. Bonnefoy only nods. "Well, Principal Smith doesn't mind, in fact, she encourages it." She crosses her arms. "Guess you're off the hook of doing labor now." She huffed a bit.

Smiling a bit, I nod my head. "I can still help around if anybody needs it..." I offer.

A laugh erupts from Ms. Bonnefoy and she covers her mouth with her hands in a ladylike manner. "Oh I'm sure _I'll _be needing your help." She smirks.

A pout forms on my face. "Okay okay..." I say in a mocking dejection.

"See you later Matthew." Ms. Bonnefoy says, waving me off.

Nodding to her, I start to walk of. "Have a good night." I say.

"You too dear."

* * *

><p>The couple weeks of community service weren't bad, but of course I did all of them with a scowl on my face. I did trash pick ups along with other workers, I helped in the elderly, which wasn't so bad, and couple of other things.<p>

So now I'm wiping graffiti down. The worst part of all was that I'm in my old neighborhood. I had my red hoodie up to cover myself. I just hope no one sees me. Just why this neighborhood? Is it that bad? Well I didn't think it was, just that the people living here makes it seem bad.

Every time I hear voices similar to teenagers, I would sort of stop. Luckily every one of them didn't seem to know me or bother to look. One group even bumped into me and just continued on walking. Guess my invisibility works today.

Wiping the last spot of the graffiti off the wall, I let out a big sigh. This was the last of the community service I had to do today and I'm grateful. Just as I was going to pick up the cans and rags I used and put them in a bag, I hear another group of teenagers. I flinch a bit and freeze but relax as I just continue to clean up. It's not like they can notice me now and besides, I just want to go home. I'll have to go to the community service office and drop these off, then I'm done.

I feel a shoulder bump into me but instead of a light shove, I find myself connecting with the floor.

"Hey! Wat-"

Groaning a bit, I look up to see why they paused mid sentence and widen my eyes.

It feels like everything stopped in slow motion.

Their eyes widen and stare at me, while I stare back.

My heart beat quickens and I could already feel the dread seep into me.

"Isn't this the gay guy from last year?" Another guy says and I had to turn my head around to see who was talking.

I remember each and every one of these faces.

"Oh god that's right!" One laughs.

An arm pulls me up painfully and I bite my lips to keep in a painful yelp. No way am I going to show weakness now.

"How you be- Hey...what's his name again?" The guy holding my arm asks.

The group, which looks like to be about five or six people, murmur together and I feel a pang in my chest. Even if I dislike them, why do people forget my name?

"Miguel?" They look down at me. "Is that your name?"

"I-I-It's Ma-Matthew..." I squeak out.

"Right right..." One replies but all of them still have a confused look.

_Do they only remember me as the fag...?_

I frown a bit and try to shake the arm off of me. "Please let me go..." I say softly.

"What was that?" One hums. "Gotta speak up dude."

Frowning, I try to pry his hand off my arm. "I said let go." My tone on the edge of annoyance.

The grip tighten and I yelp a bit, not able to contain it.

"So how you been fag?" One says and the others laugh.

I could feel tears forming at the corner of my eyes. "I-I'm not a fag! L-Let me go!"

The group laughs and my chest tightens painfully. "Sure sure, whatever you say..."

Furrowing my brows, I retch my arm from them and hiss in pain as I feel the other's nail dig across my skin. They were too busy laughing and were slow to notice that I broke away. I was already around the corner when they decided to chase me.

Through the busy day, it was no obstacle for me to run past these people. My invisibility worked for the most part and the people walking by didn't seem to notice me but from behind, I could hear annoyed yells like 'Careful!' or 'Watch where you're going!'.

I was turning corner after corner, running across the streets and in front of cars, all to get away from these guys. Fear was beating in my heart and I didn't want another incident like Gilbert and the daycare center, even if they weren't going to kiss me or anything. It's possible, but I didn't hope for it. But I didn't want to get beaten up or anything.

As I run around another corner, I couldn't help but look back to see if they were on my tail. Just as I turning back around, I bump into someone. With a loud '_oof_' from both us, I fall on my ass and groan a bit. Recovering a bit, I see the guy pick himself up, cursing.

"Verdammt..." He curses and I stare wide eyed at him.

The blood boils under my skin and my mind is telling me to run but _I just can't move._

"Matthew...?" Gilbert says slowly, staring at me with his red eyes.

"Where did he go...?" A voice calls out and I know they're close.

What's better, to be in the hands of a group or just stay here with Gilbert? Immediately I scramble to my feet but it feels so slow because I'm still in shock.

He grabs my hand and I stay frozen, my eyes widen. He starts to run forward and I cant' help but follow him.

_ My body won't listen to me..._

"Wha- What are you doing...?" I ask, finding my voice again.

"Saving your ass." Gilbert says, gripping his hold around my wrist.

"B-Bu-"

"There he is!" They yell but we just made turn around a corner.

Gilbert sped up his brisk walk and I wasn't ready for it. I feel my glasses slipping off and just when I grabbed to fix them, they slip off of my face.

"My glasses!" I call out, looking back.

"No time now." Gilbert says, tightening his grip on my wrist.

I'm a bit far sighted so it's okay but still, my glasses...

Gilbert stops somewhere and I bump into his back. He doesn't say anything and starts walking up steps to an apartment. My heart beats fast and I slowly try to pry my hand out of his hold but he tightens even more, making me bite my lip as I try to contain the painful yelp.

_ I'm going into his house.._

Without letting go of my wrist, Gilbert digs into his pockets and opens the door. He pushes the door open and drags me inside, closing the door behind me. My wrist _still _in his hand, Gilbert jogs up the stairs as I follow behind. He opens another door and walks inside shoving me in.

I push pushed onto his couch and sit quietly as he shuffles from one room to the other. His apartment looks nice, just normal. But it looked really tidy, not really fitting how Gilbert lives.

Not that I think of how he lives!

Gilbert comes back with two glasses of juice and hands one to me. He sits down as well, taking a sip.

"Oh um...thank you..." I say softly.

I'm afraid that Gilbert will pounce on me and rape me. It's too much for me.

"Stay here for a couple of minutes until those guys forget about you." Gilbert says, glancing at me.

I only nod, gilding the drink in my hand. The two of us fall silent, not once attempting to start a conversation. I keep my head down, not wanting to keep looking at Gilbert. I could hear a clock ticking and it's so annoying, reminding me that time is going slowly.

"S-So hows um...how's Alfred?" I ask.

I secretly glance at Gilbert. He's sitting too comfortably on the couch, but he is in his own house. I sit at the edge of the couch, afraid where Gilbert's hand is.

"Alfred's good. He got himself a girlfriend." Gilbert says as he takes a sip of the drink.

I bite my lip. Why would Gilbert mention something like that? Is he trying to make me feel bad? A moment of awkward silence passes between us. Gilbert takes more loud sips and I play with the dew that has formed on my glass, wetting my hands. Each passing tick of the clock up on the wall makes me more uncomfortable.

Gilbert's sudden movement catches my eye and I flinch hard. Gilbert places his drink down on the table. After he pulls back, I do the same. I haven't taken one sip of the drink. I don't trust Gilbert.

_I shouldn't be here..._

Mustering all of my will power and confidence, I stand up. My heart is beating frantically and my throat suddenly feels dry.

"I...uh -"

"Sit." Gilbert orders, cutting me off.

The straight forward, harsh command doesn't make me feel any better. Reluctantly I sit down, a frown on my face.

Another long pause and I listen to the ticking of the clock. Once again, I listen to the ticking of the clock. I swallow thickly, my throat dry.

"How've you been?" Gilbert asks suddenly.

I take a quick look at him the look back at the floor. "Um...I've been good..." I say softly.

Gilbert only nods and finished the drink. As the clock makes one more tick, I furrow my brows and stand up briskly.

"I'm sorry but I have to go." I say, annoyance in my voice. I glare at him as he stands up.

"But-"

"But what?" I interrupt him. "You obviously hate me and I don't see why I should stay here! You're a bully!" I turn around, making my way to the door but Gilbert grabs my wrist and turns me around painfully.

"L-Let me go!" I say, glaring at him angrily.

"No." Gilbert glares back, tightening the grip

I couldn't help but yelp out, not containing the cry of pain. Biting my lip, I still keep my glare with Gilbert. My heart was beating so hard and I'm afraid Gilbert is going to hurt me. Shaking my arm side to side, I try to make Gilbert let go.

"I said let go Gilbert! I'm tired of your-"

Once again this day, I and reconnected to the floor. A hiss of pain escapes me and I open my eyes and widen them as I see Gilbert on top of me.

_Oh god..._

_ Oh god..._

_ He's going to rape me..._

His legs were at each of my sides and his hands were right besides my head. We stared at each other for more than a couple seconds and each passing second makes my heart beat faster in fear. Just waiting for Gilbert's move makes me feel afraid for my life because I don't know what he'll do. If he does do something, I won't appreciate any of it at all.

_I loath this boy..._

Pressing both of my hands on his chest, I push weakly. The fear is making my jittery and I grip his shirt. "G-Get off m-me..." My voice trembling and I curse myself for showing it so easily.

Gilbert grips one of my hand and brings it over my head, pinning me. The look he has on his face is predatory and I think I see a pink blush on his face.

_No no no no no!_

It seems as if it all happened so fast. My hand went over to his neck and my right knee nudged him to the side, making him fall on his back. He was probably too distracted and that's why I could push him so easily. All of my actions now happened without thinking and I get on top of him.

Quickly I take my hands and grip his, taking it over his head. The fear quickly diminishes and now I have confidence to even attempt this also anger to keep me fueled. Gilbert snaps out of his daze and he tries to shake me off but I too keep a strong grip on his wrists.

"What the fu-"

"Do you even _know _the pain you even caused me?" My voice was low and dark and I was glaring at him.

Either from the question or my tone or even my harsh gaze, Gilbert froze and just stares at me. I take this as a saying to continue speaking.

"You just thought it was fun and games but not for me..." I say slowly, watching for any reactions.

"W-"

The grip I have on his wrists tighten and I lean forward. "I'm talking and _you're_ going to listen." I hiss.

Gilbert's facial expression turns to shock and he keeps his mouth shut.

"Before I left, it was hell because of you! You ruined my life!" I yell in his face and Gilbert flinches.

My chest tightened and I could feel tears forming at the corner at my eyes.

"I-I am gay... so what...?" I said slowly and watch my tears fall down to hit his face.

Gilbert flinches and widens his eyes.

"Y-You made me h-hate myself..." I sobbed silently.

I let go of Gilbert's hands to cover my face, wiping the tears away and trying to contain the sobs. Gilbert makes no move and once I was done, I placed my hands at the sides of his head, supporting myself.

"J-Just why? Why Gilbert?" I ask silently, sniffling a bit.

Gilbert blinks at me and we stare at each other for god knows how long. It felt good to release all of my feelings to him but at the same time it was uncomfortable that I was on top of him.

"Because I like you." Gilbert says softly and I widen my eyes.

A loud click of the door snaps both of our heads and I feel the breath in me stop.

"Bruder? I'm ho-"

Ludwig was just turning the door open when he stops midway, staring at us. My heart beat quickens and my confidence is thrown out the window, now replaced with fear, embarrassment and a whole lot of emotions I can't be naming right now.

"W-West..." Gilbert replies slowly.

"Matth-"

"S-Sorry I need to go!" I rush, stumbling up.

A small 'excuse me' squeaks from me as I try to get pass Ludwig but I can hear him follow after me.

"Matthew? What did bruder say to-" Ludwig calls out but I cut him off.

"I-It's nothing okay...?" I say, already going down the stairs.

"It doesn't look like nothing! I know he isn't the nicest per-"

"Oh..." I stop and stare at him. "You have no idea..." I say and Ludwig stands there, a shocked look on his face.

I take that as my chance to run out of the complex and tried to imitate the steps I took. After a few moments of walking around senselessly, I sigh and look at one of the street sighs and call one of parents. Mother picked up and I told her I got lost and that she'll come here.

A few minutes later, Mother's car came into view. I went over to the front seat and closed it gently, wrapping the seat belt over me.

"Matthew where's your glasses?" Mother asks, and then she grabs my face. "Why are your eyes so red?"

"I dropped them somewhere," I lie and pry off her hands of my chin. "And I guess the chemical was getting in my eyes."

Mother pouts a bit. "Ok then..." She says, driving off. "So how was today?"

I know she was just attempting small talk but the question itself makes me want to crawl under a rock and die. Why does everything bad happen to me? This incident just builds up.

And Gilbert...

He likes me.

"Matthew...?" Mother breaks me out of my daydream.

"Oh? It was normal." I say with a shrug.

Mother accepts the answer and later just turns on the radio. Good for me either way.

How can Gilbert like me? All I known him for was the torments he did and not once has he showed me any type of affection. Besides, I don't think I would accept his crush or liking anyway. He's an arrogant fool and the fact that he hurt me so much just proves how much of a horrible person he is.

_This has to be a lie..._

The sound of the radio shutting off snaps me out of my daze. When I turn my head over to Mother's side, I see that she's giving me a concerned look.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Mother asks.

Frowning, I nod. "Yeah I'm fine. Just tired." I half lie.

Mother stares at me for a bit before nodding. "Okay, guess you can take a nap then."

Nodding, I get out of the car and walk towards our house, opening the door and quickly making my way to my room. I jump into bed and bury my face into my pillow, crying silent tears.

I bring trouble all around.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Oh god...

THINGS ARE GETTING INTENSE.

Oh what would happen next?

**PS;** If I post something important like an urgent message, PLEASE message me instead reviewing the fic.

I hate that, use your common sense.

I get giddy when I get a review but then it's something regarding the message.


	11. Chapter 11

Hey guys!

I know it's been a long time since I updated! Well, here I am!

Okay so school got in the way, and most of all, laziness. I'm sorry but it's the truth.

And I sort of got writer's block? Yeah that too...

_**Also I want to announce some things:**_

Sorry I haven't replied to any PMs, reviews and such. FF reviews... I use to be up to date with that but now I'm not

Another thing!

Follow me on my new tumblr!

yeah I'm very active on that! Bug me about updates or just talk or w/e

get-your-canadian-on tumblr

and there's still a group skype chat for this story so if you want to join PM me okay?

* * *

><p>I don't know how long I had been awake, laying still in my bed, but I don't dare turn to the clock. Everyone knows that watching the time move by makes everything feel torturously slow. Mother comes in once to call me for dinner, but I act as if I am asleep. It works; she tucks me in, kisses my temple, and says a soft goodnight. I can still hear my parents dining downstairs, but I'm not hungry. Not hungry, not sleepy...not anything, really.<p>

After I know that everyone had gone off to bed, I break down and cry softly. Any thoughts I should be entertaining were non-existent. At least my sobs start to make me feel a little better, even if they also convince me that I am even more pathetic than I thought.

Some number of hours after that, I stare blankly at my bathroom door. I don't even know what thoughts to think! There must be so many questions in my mind, but I can't even bring myself to ponder them through. I'm still shocked. In denial.

But not angry. At least, not at the moment. Even that is held at bay by the overwhelming shock I seem to be stuck in the middle of. The hatred I know I have for that _monster_: it just is not coming. Right now, the only thing I care about is curling up and shrivelling away from this world.

Another hour passes. I still lay curled up, but shrivelling away is still painfully impossible.

* * *

><p>The ray of light that assaults my eyes makes me blink frantically. Immediately, I shoot up from my bed and rub my eyes. It's like I'm in automatic mode, getting off the bed and doing the daily routine like a mindless machine. As I enter the bathroom, I make sure to open the cabinet above my sink. I'm afraid of what my reflection on the door might look like.<p>

When I finish my business, I get myself dressed. Fresh clothes don't stop me from feeling like crap. The lack of sleep is making my head buzz and makes me feel slow. I feel filthy, my hair full of grease, my skin coated with dirt... But I'm just too tired and lazy to do anything about it. I woke up late, and I don't want to bathe. As I reach towards my nightstand, I stop and groan.

I lost my glasses...

But that realization also drags the incident from yesterday back into my mind. Shaking my head (as if that could stop the memory replaying in my mind) I walk back to my bathroom. I really don't want to use them, but it looks like I'll have to wear my contact lenses.

I snatch the case and a vial of medicated cleansing liquid from the cabinet, washing the cannister off. As I finish that, I frown as I stare at the three rows of shelves. _I don't want to see my face_, I tell myself, but what choice do I have, anymore? Slowly, I close the cabinet to reveal my face in the mirror, and a distressed sigh bursts free from my throat. Large, dark eye bags adorn my face, and my eyes are bloodshot red. I quickly reopen the cabinet to retrieve my eyedrops and pull my lids down to apply some to my eyes.

At least my eyes don't feel like they are on fire anymore, but the skin around them droops tiredly. I pull my eyelids apart again and apply the first lense carefully, then do the same thing to the other eye. Satisfied, I snap the case shut again and put it back, then leave the bathroom and quickly snatch my bookbag and begrudgingly trudge down the stairs. Each step brings me that much closer towards the to school _and being around other people_.

Mother and Father converse quietly around the table, but they stop as soon as I come down. I pay them no mind and pull back as much hair I can get with a rubber band I found on the countertop and make my way towards the coffee machine. It is already half empty-Mother or Father must have taken some-but there is still more than enough left over. I grab my mug and pour pure black coffee, which is usually reserved for Mother, and chug it down. Thankfully it cools down just enough not to burn my tongue.

"Matthew... is something the matter?" Father asks.

I walk towards the table where they are sitting at and I almost smile at what I see. They made me pancakes, but too bad I'm not in the mood to eat. "Late night studying," I say tiredly and set my mug down and walk to the door, slipping on my shoes. Leaving early won't hurt anyone, I figure.

"...Mattie...are you okay?" Mother asks.

I yawn and rub the sleep away from my eyes and shake my head to Mother. "Tired." I reply. They're probably unused to seeing me like this. "Bye," I call out over my shoulder and leave before they can say anything else. I am not in the mood to answer the questions they have. Come to think of it, I'm not in the mood to do anything at all.

I wish I could just stay home...

* * *

><p>And look what happens next. I should've just acted like I was sick. I barely make it into Mr. Wade's class, but luckily I run in at the last second. Today, Mr. Wade's boisterous voice just sounds annoying and so I block it off. Trudging to my seat, I catch Ivan's concerned look and frown.<p>

"Something the matter?" Ivan asks lowly, cautious of Mr. Wade.

"No," I reply, taking out my notebook and resting my cheek against my palm. My mind wanders as I ignore Mr. Wade's lesson. Either way, I flick my notebook open and write down the date, but before long I find myself just doodling idly, conveying that I'm not following on with the lesson.

No way do I plan on telling Ivan what happened with Gilbert, I decide. Ivan just barged into my life and I don't even know what good he brought. My problems are too idiotic for him.

I let out a snort.

"What was that, Mike?" Mr, Wade calls out.

I sigh and turn my gaze to him. I give him a look and shake my head. "It's Matthew, sir."

"I suggest you actually take notes instead of daydreaming Miguel," Mr Wade say with authority.

"Mr. Wade-" I cut Ivan off.

"Sorry Mr. Wade," I say, taking no time to correct him. Without further incident, Mr. Wade returns to the lesson.

Bullying...

I could snort all over again. How pathetic. I turned into a victim of schoolyard bullying, and I'm still paying the price. All because Gilbert 'likes me.'

A jagged breath escapes my mouth but I clench my jaw shut quick. I can't afford to be on Mr. Wade's radar again. I sink into my seat and rub my eyes to stop any sudden emergence of tears. In a few minutes the urge to cry passes, so I sit back up silently and double my efforts to focus on Mr. Wade.

Why am I thinking about _him_? How I wish I didn't have to. Not now, not ever again. But I just can't help myself. He ruined my life many times over, and I don't want anything else to do with him. I would so much rather be invisible to everyone's eyes. It would save me the trouble.

My lips turn into a small smirk. _Saves everyone the trouble too._ What else am I but a walking disaster? I have no idea why Ivan bothered with me. My "problems" aren't even worth it. They're too pathetic and generic. Just a sad, gay bully victim. Boo hoo. Nothing special. Why am I worthy in his eyes, I wonder? Just because I'm a friend?

_Well he's going to pretty great lengths for a simple friend._

* * *

><p>"Matthew?"<p>

Elizabeta is the first to catch up to me. I stand at my locker, just putting my things away.

"Is something to matter? You're kind of off..." She asks, her face screwing into worry lines.

I shake my head. "Everything is fine," I lie and watch as Ivan starts to make his way towards us. "Excuse me, I need to fix my contacts."

"Oh, I didn't kno-"

I don't allow her to finish and I turn on my heel towards the bathroom. Pushing the doors, I rush straight to the mirrors and quickly get out my eyedrops. All that rubbing my eyes in class made them dry.

The doors squeak open and I snap my head in that direction. Ivan comes in to stand at my side, dropping his things at the edge of the sink. I mentally groan; I can't exactly run out since I really do need to change my contacts.

"Matvey, something _is _wrong." Ivan accuses lowly.

"Oh?" I wash my hands and pull my eyelid down. "What makes _you _think that?" I ask a little harshly. I successfully pull the contact off and unscrew the cap of the eyedrop, and then I slowly squeeze the liquid onto the clear lens over the sink, watching as the grime and little specs of dirt wash away.

"You're not yourself," Ivan says. "You were spacing out in class." From the mirror, I can see the worry etched on his features.

"Everyone spaces out Ivan. I don't see why you're so worried," I reply, slowly drawing the contact towards my eyes.

"That's not the point!" He raises his voice, which makes me jump, and as a consequence the contact falls somewhere in the sink.

"Merde Ivan!" I groan, locating the contact and gently washing it with water. "Look what you made me do!"

"This is what I'm talking about!" Ivan argues as I start the same process all over again. "You aren't yourself!"

"How would you know?" I hiss. I blink rapidly and pull down the other eyelid. "You know nothing about me."

From the mirror, I can see Ivan widen his eyes and stare at me. "T-That's why I want to know-"

"Know what?" I bite back, taking the contact. I pour even more of the liquid over the lense. I _tsk_ in irritation and pull my other lid down. "Know more about me? Who do you think you are, trying to act like a therapist, acting as if you're helping me? Frankly it's annoying and it offends me even more that you're acting and treating me as if I'm a pathetic _weakling,_" I hiss each word.

Blinking rapidly as the contact is successfully placed, I watch from the mirror as Ivan's face pans through a number of different emotions all in a couple of seconds.

Shock.

_ Ha...!_

_ Why the hell would he be shocked...?_

_ Just telling him the truth..._

Sadness.

_If the truth hurts so bad then you should get away from me..._

Anger.

"Matvey I-"

"Stop this 'Matvey' crap," I snap, poorly mimicking his accent. "I think for one, you should stop this therapy act-"

"But-"

"_And _get away from me," I spit at him. "You bother me, the way you're trying to carve into my by pitying me."

I stare at his shocked face as he stares back at me. His eyes are wide and his mouth hangs half-open. He wants so much to speak but the words are caught in his mouth.

"Get to class," I huff before making my leave from the bathroom. The halls are nearly empty and I curse under my breath.

_Damn Ivan..._

_ He probably made me late for class..._

As I walk down the hall, I hear loud footsteps trailing behind me. I groan again and quicken my pace, then I break into a mini-jog. If I start running the teachers from the classrooms could take notice, I reason. _Why can't Ivan let me be?_

"Matvey wait!" He yells out, but I ignore him and sprint up the stairs.

I'm sent to the office for being late. Great, just what I needed. At least Ms. Bonnefoy is nice enough to tell me that I shouldn't worry about it. She gives me a pass and I go back to class.

My mind isn't on the lesson. Thinking about it more, I'm actually glad that I cut Ivan off back in the bathroom. I didn't think through what I was going to say, but I still feel that there is some truth to my angry words. Ivan's so-called "help" was phoney; he doesn't care. If he hadn't seen what happened at the daycare, then he wouldn't feel obligated to _try _to help me.

_It was probably even a hoax when he admitted he was bisexual. All just to make me 'feel better...'_

_ I'm not _weak_!_

_I'm not _pathetic_!_

_I'll show all of them._

_I can handle myself._

_I'm not weak._

* * *

><p>Finally, it's lunch time. Ivan tries his best to approach me, but thankfully the halls are too crowded to get through. Elizabeta tries to speak to me too. I totally forgotten about her. As lousy as I feel for giving her the silent treatment as well, I know that if I let her in on the situation with Ivan, she'd go to him. Besides, I would have to tell her about Gilbert and everything in order to make everything not so confusing.<p>

And I plan to do neither.

So I sit alone, far away from everyone. Even better, I'm outside, somewhere near the back of the school, though I'm not sure about the exact location. All I know is that I'd most likely be late for my next class. Easily worth avoiding all my distractions and problems, even just for a little bit.

I am about to lay back and relax when I hear voices. Quickly, I pull myself back up and try to make myself look as small as possible.

"Oh, we didn't mean to take your spot," Feliciano says slowly, looking between me, Kiku and Ludwig.

They come to a halt and it feels like Ludwig and I are the only ones here, having a stare down. After a couple of seconds, I jump when I see Kiku suddenly put his hand on Ludwig's arm and speak to him under a hushed breath. Ludwig nods and turns to Feliciano, who looks as if he is about to protest, but instead he nods.

"Good luck Luddy!" Feliciano chims cheerfully as he and Kiku walk back in the direction they came.

Ludwig looks back, as if he is making sure they are as far away as possible. I swallow thickly and turn my gaze to the grass, pretending it desperately needs my attention. _He's going to ask about Gilbert... I know it_.

"You're not supposed to be here," Ludwig starts.

"Then why are you here?" I reply, a little too quickly.

Ludwig sighs and sits by me, which reflexively makes me freeze. He relaxes completely and puts his hands behind his head, leaning against the wall. For a moment, I can't help but stare. This side of Ludwig... I have never seen it before. He's the one most likely to _yell _at people if they were in a relaxing state.

I make no effort in starting a conversation, not that I care to anyway, and idly pick at the blades of grass.

"I overheard your conversation with Ivan." Ludwig announces and I stop my actions and freeze.

My heart thumps erratically in my chest and I try hard to calm my breathing. _He knows too much!_ I realize that Ludwig will want to know what all of that was about.

"Um..." I start nervously, but stop when Ludwig sits up and shoots me a serious look.

"It isn't my concern," Ludwig says. I automatically release a sigh, but it's premature. "The deal between you and my brother _is _my concern,"

I pause and look at Ludwig. His expression is serious. At that moment, I actually feel afraid of the other. Will he force me to tell? I can't tell for sure...

"I-I'm not telling..." I stutter nervously.

Ludwig only furrows his brows before he suddenly grabs me by the shoulders, earning a surprised yelp from me. I try to shake him off but Ludwig only adds a little more pressure. "I'm not asking for my benefit," Ludwig says, his tone somewhere between stern and... caring? "I'm asking to-"

"To _help _me?" I ask sharply, cutting him off. I push his hands off of me, breaking free of his hold. "I don't _need _help, or _pity _from _anyone,_" I glare at Ludwig. "I can take care of myself."

Ludwig gives a frustrated groan. "Look," He sighs. "I want to know how you know Gilbert and why were you..." He waves his hand in a circular motion and I immediately flush.

_He's thinking about when I was on top of him...!_

"...Crying," He finishes awkwardly.

He coughs while I stare at him, my mouth slightly open as I gawk.

"Well...?" His tone is near annoyance.

"It's none of your business," I mutter and stand up.

"Listen to what you're saying," Ludwig yells, getting up as well. "It _is _my business! Gilbert isn't all that bad-"

"_Don't,"_ I hiss, giving him a glare, "say that." I brush off any dirt and grass that might be on my clothes, and I'm sure he can see a spark of fury in my eyes. "You don't know _half _of what I know about your precious _brother_," I spit. I storm past him and made my way back to the school building. I pass by Feliciano and Kiku without giving them a second glance.

_How can Ludwig think that Gilbert is a nice person?_ my thoughts seethe. _He obviously doesn't even know him well! I guess Gilbert hides his true colors. The conniving, evil, manipulative Gilbert, that's who he is. A stalker and a bully, and now he's trying to ruin my life even more! Mocking my sexuality by saying he 'likes' me! It's all another prank. He's going to go to his friends and laugh at my reaction or something._

I shake my head at the thoughts. I don't need to focus on them... on _him!_

_Stupid bastard..._

Making my way inside the school building, I quickly dash to my next class in hopes of avoiding Ivan again. I just want this day over with, go home and -

I groan out loud. How did I forgot about my detention?

_This day is literally getting worse by the minute..._

Once again, I'll have to face Ivan and,even worse, I'll have to be stuck with him 'till my detention is over.

After a few seconds, I finally take notice that no one else is in class. In my great rush to get away from Ludwig, I forgot that lunch period wasn't over, yet. I promptly pull out my notebook and try to doodle the minutes away, but my mind keeps on drifting back to Ivan.

_I..._

_ I really don't want our friendship to shrivel..._

Maybe I took things too far, I realize, back when I said what I did. But I honestly don't want to lose him. He's actually nice to me and he's practically my only real friend. I was so cruel to him, and over what? I was just trying to cover up what happened with Gilbert... I didn't have to take it out on someone I cared about. He didn't do anything wrong.

_What was I thinking?_

I could have worded it differently. But still, what I said about him acting like a therapist, I still feel as if there might be some truth to it. Why _was _he doing that? What purpose could he have had, and why does he really seem to want to help me? I'm no one important. My problems are petty.

_Petty problems for a petty person._

* * *

><p>I think about cutting, but I figure that I would just get in even more trouble. What if Mrs. Bonnefoy came to check up on me, maybe see if I was in Mr. Kasheem's room?<p>

I feel nervous for the rest of the day. And guilty, too. All those words I said, true or not, were blown out of proportion, far more scathing than was necessary. I spend the rest of my classes dreaming up ways to apologize to Ivan. In hindsight, I can see my behavior for what it clearly was: a bad mood lashed out at an innocent person.

Ludwig, on the other hand...

I decide to try to stay far away from him. Never again do I want to hear about Gilbert, and certainly not from Ludwig. I know it is going to be difficult. Ludwig is extremely persistent when he wants to be, and there is always the chance-small or not-that Gilbert himself could reveal something.

_I wonder what their situation is like..._

Finally, I spot the door coming into view and I swallow the lump in my throat. I can always choose to _not _apologize, sure, but somehow even wondering about the outcome makes my chest hurt.

It's difficult to put into words, but I feel a void below my heart... an inexplicable emptiness... a twinge in my chest... a coil... I don't know! I just-

_I just like being around Ivan._

_ I _really _like him._

_N-Not like that...!_

_ He probably has a partner, since he's attractive and nice and -_

The sound of footsteps behind me snap me out of my thoughts and I spin around... only to see the janitor walking the opposite way from me.

Flushing from embarrassment, I adjust the books in my arms and tip-toe slowly into the classroom.

I watch as Ivan flinches a bit from my arrival, and I can easily tell he is forcing himself to not turn and look at me. Gulping slightly, I inch towards his desk and pull up a chair.

Sitting down slowly, I debate in my mind whether or not I ought to greet him. Ivan continues to write, paying me no heed. I glance around to see if Mr. Kasheem is here, but he isn't in the room. It's not such a good thing, I decide. It would be less awkward if someone else were around.

"He trusts us enough to leave us alone," Ivan says suddenly, which makes me jump in surprise.

I whip my head back to Ivan but then shift my eyes to my lap. "Oh..." I mumble, fiddling with my hands. "Well, we should uh... get to work then..."

My eyes drift back up to see Ivan nodding and I peer over his arms to look at his work. "What is it today?" I ask.

He retracts his hand and I can see he is writing what looks like some kind of essay, though it seems like he's struggling, judging by the multiple erase marks and the words he had crossed out with his blunt pencil. Overall, the page is unreadable. I grab the rubric of Ivan's assignment and read it over in my hands.

"You're learning how to write a paragraph..." I comment out loud and hand it back.

Ivan nods and neatly folds the paper at his side.

I frown at Ivan's behavior. Some part of me is still expecting him to be persistent in finding out what's "wrong" with me. I guess he'd given up on that. Frowning, I tap on Ivan's paper. "This is too messy to read and understand. You need to start all over."

* * *

><p>The minutes pass without any notable markers. Ivan is halfway done with his work, thanks to my help. He works really slow, not that I can criticize him for that, but I just want to leave soon. So far, the only sort of conversation we had was strictly work related, void of all "fun" talks and not even a breath that could potentially lead to any sort of argument. I only have the solace of the ticking clock and my own whispering thoughts. Ivan works silently by himself for most of the time, but on a few instances the quiet is punctured when he asks for help.<p>

"Matvey, I'm sorry..." Ivan says suddenly, making me freeze.

_He's apologising...?_

"Wh-What you said was right..." Ivan says slowly, still not meeting my gaze. "But I only did those things because I care. I know a lot about what it's like, to go through what you're going through..."

"Re-Really...?!" I ask in shock and curiosity, my eyes wide.

"Mostly with...not being straight..." Ivan admits softly. "I was afraid what my sisters would think. But finally I gathered enough courage and told them." He then smiles. "Katyusha doesn't mind and still loves me, and little Natalia still doesn't understand."

I gulp and look down. "I don't know about my family..." I tell him.

Ivan stays quiet for a moment. "One day, you will choose what you want to do."

A small chuckle escapes from my mouth. Ivan... he kinda sounds like a wise elder. My smile slowly lessens and I look up at his gaze. "I went too far with saying those things... You really don't annoy me..." I say softly.

Ivan smiles and nods. "It's all right..." He says and picks up his pencil. "We should get back to work."

Nodding, I return to helping Ivan. A huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders just now; I made it throught the day _and_ I'm still friends with Ivan. If someone had told me that I would feel this happy when I was still in bed this morning, or even as I ambled into detention, I would never have believed it.

After a couple of minutes more, Ivan tapps me on the shoulder for my attention and points to the clock. Time to go. The two of us gather our things and walk out, side by side.

"Are you okay, Matthieu?" a woman's voice sounds out from somewhere behind me. Both of us turn around and see Ms. Bonnefoy standing near the entrance to the office. She holds a notepad in her arms, as per usual, but her face was scrunched into an expression of concern.

"Oh... I just had a bad morning," I chuckle nervously.

She hums and adjusts her glasses. "And how's the community service?" She asks.

The memory of _that _wafts back into mind. "F-Fine," I respond.

Ms. Bonnefoy smiles. "Well I hope you have a nice night, boys."

"You too," we both respond politely and continue our way towards the door.

"That was kind of weird," I remark. The whole conversation was rather brief, which was odd in my opinion. _She probably was busy, but who knows._

Ivan only gives a shrug in reply. Paying it no more thought, we both walk down the halls and out the doors.

"I'll see you later Matvey," Ivan says with a smile.

"Yeah... and I am sorry for what I said..." I apologise again.

He shakes his head and lets out a light laugh. "Don't worry too much about it, little Matvey."

I nod, but I'm still not convinced. I mean, _I _wouldn't forgive myself... _Gosh Ivan is such a good friend. How can he deal with a pathetic person like me? _For now, I only laugh nervously and smile. "Tell Natalia I said hi."

A grin is planted on his face. "I will; she misses you dearly," he tells me while he slowly starts to back away.

"Yeah, I kinda miss her crazy self, too," I chuckle.

With that, he turns around and walks out of sight, leaving me to stand in front of the school alone.

Sighing loudly, I make my way down the darkening path. Today had been a really long day, and all I can think about now is going home. I happen to look up at just the right moment, and my eye catches something from across the street. I slow down-for whatever reason I don't know, but my legs just compel me to halt-and I stop to see what it is.

I can only describe what I felt as... a bad presence. I should just ignored it, I know, but I want to see what was there. I'm just about to start walking again and ignore this lingering feeling when someone suddenly moves from their hiding spot behind a tree. I widen my eyes.

_Trouble just loves to hunt me down..._

* * *

><p>Well this is the end!<p>

Um I wont be really fast with updates so don't expect anything fast from me okay?

Now I have to update The Evil Within!


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:**

Hi guys! I'm back!

How is everyone's summer? Good?

Well mine is a bit lazy... so that laziness played in part to why I didn't update as much!

I'm sorry! But I also had writers block!

But I hope you guys like this!

I'm grateful for the few that messaged me on tumblr about my progress and reviews! Sorry I don't reply to reviews as much... I'll try to respond as much as I can.

Follow me at **tumblr**! - canehdur

I also made a **twitter**! - canadiantastic

* * *

><p>Gilbert is making his way towards me.<p>

So many thoughts appear in my head. Should I run? Did I have to run? Was Gilbert a threat to me? Why was he here? Does he want to hurt me? etc.. etc..

My heart is beating. My legs are stuck to the floor. As confused as I am as to why Gilbert was here, a part of me secretly wants to stay and figure out. Figure out his words that day. Investigate his infatuation with me and much more. How could so much hate back then be love now? Did he even feel love?

I wanted to scoff. Love? Gilbert feels love? Love and Gilbert do not mix. I highly doubt that emotion ever crossed paths with him. Maybe this is another form of torture for him. Maybe it's a pastime. _He must've been so bored when I left_, I think sarcastically.

Each passing second, the distance between us shortens more and more. I suck in my breath as Gilbert finally closed the distance. Time seems to slow down for me. The seconds stretched and it felt as if it was a million years before I see his lips move to speak.

"We need to talk." Gilbert says before he grabs my arm and pulls me away from my route.

Everything snaps back into motion and I yank my arm from his hold, stepping back and staring at him. "What do you want?" I ask, a little too quickly, letting my fear slip into my voice. My heart is beating in my throat and I now regret my action. I can already see the anger in his eyes forming but Gilbert composes himself.

He reaches forward, grabs my wrist (his hold has more force to it) and yanks me so that now I'm chest to chest with him. I'm resorted to now looking up at him and I suck in a breath. Gilbert's angry gaze stares down at me.

"You're. Coming. With. _Me_." He hisses and starts to walk, effectively pulling me with him.

The fear was coursing through my blood and I hope my parents wouldn't mind me staying a little longer. What I'm more worried about is; what is Gilbert going to do? Is he... going to be forceful with me? Just like that time in the supply room, would the same thing happen? A shiver raced up my body and makes the nape of my hair stand up.

Just by a few steps we already make it to downtown and its pretty busy. Not once Gilbert lessened his hold on me. Moving our way through people, it hasn't even been a minute before I start to try and twist out of Gilbert's grip. A spark of determination and bravery builds within me. I'm not going to let Gilbert have his way with me, not like that time in the closet. But even with my attempt at being brave, Gilbert's hold becomes stronger. The force on my wrist becomes strong and even painful. I think about fighting against Gilbert but then I realise my surroundings.

I don't want to cause a scene here. Most likely I would start crying due to frustration when talking, or more like argue with Gilbert. And perhaps I can end this once and for all with him. He did say we had to "talk", so this could give me a chance to straighten things out. A sense of hope washes over me. Gilbert can finally be out of my life.

But it all falls on me...

Sighing, I stop my struggling and allow Gilbert to pull me to his desired location. After our long walk we actually go down to a subway station. I forgot that Gilbert and Ludwig don't live around here. So Gilbert took a train just to see me? Considering the circumstances, that's really creepy. Throughout this whole walk-a-thon, Gilbert hasn't let go on my wrist. Even though he loosened his grip, he wouldn't let go. I made a few attempts to escape but he would hold it tight before I stop struggling.

As the train came he pulled me again to walk in. Okay, all this pulling is really making me irritated now. The train becomes full with people and chatter and Gilbert and I become sandwiched between people. It takes awhile for everyone to settle before the train starts moving. After a couple of minutes, I feel my body freeze. Gilbert's hand slides down to interlock fingers with mine. I quickly shake his hand away, flushing bright red and cradling my hand to my chest.

Gilbert makes no move to grab my hand again during the whole duration of the ride.

* * *

><p>This is the same spot I'm sitting in.<p>

The same couch.

The same room.

Gilbert's house has stayed the same since I last visited. (That was a joke, you're suppose to laugh.)

But this time, Gilbert doesn't offer me a drink or anything. Well...talk about serving your guests! He was rushing around in his own home, probably looking for something. In my seat, pure awkwardness and desperation falls upon my shoulders. It's the fact that I'm back in his home, would the same outcome happen like it did last time I sat in this very couch? Also, more importantly, would Ludwig come home? Gilbert makes no remark of Ludwig to reassure my worried soul.

The next moment, I see Gilbert leaning against the doorway, diagonal from me. His intense stare makes me uncomfortable and I squirm in my seat. What do I say? What does he want? Why am I here? I bite my lips, not knowing what to do.

"I like you."

My blood freezes and I look up to stare at him. Hearing this for a second time still brings the same shock. Nervously, I turn my head and look to the other side, blushing a bit from embarrassment. So many questions pile up inside my mind that after a minute of being so engrossed in them, I flinch when I hear Gilbert talk once more.

"Didn't you hear me?" He has a sort of tone, maybe angry. Or annoyed. "I said I like you." I look up to see Gilbert, no longer leaning. His fists are clenched tightly. I couldn't help but feel worried.

"Y-Yeah...?" There was a little waver to my voice. "What do you want me to do about it?"

A blank stare was all the reply I got. It's his turn to look shocked. Gilbert opens his mouth, as if to say something but then closes it. "I want you to go out with me."

_Did I just hear right?_

My jaw clenches and I stand up quick. "Sorry but I have to go." I say with pursed lips. This is utter bullshit! He can't be serious can he?

"W-Wait..." Gilbert says as I try to make it to the door. He grabs my arm.

"Wait, what?" I hiss, staring hard at him as I shake the hand off. "You think this is a joke huh? Playing with me?" I grit with a glare. I speak without caution.

Gilbert gives a glare back. "I'm not-"

"Don't give me lies!" I raise my voice, anger tipping me off edge. "After you tormented me, made fun of me for being _gay_," I watch him widen his eyes. "_Hated me," _I take a step closer to him, staring at him with a hard expression. "You want to tell me that all of a sudden, making me feel like shit, making me feel less than a human... that you have a _crush_ on me?"

Wide eyes look back at me, silent for just a moment, before a scowl and a click of a tongue was made. Gilbert pushed me away, gently I note, and turns his heel. He runs his hands through his hair.

"I-I... I don't know."

It was my turn to widen my eyes. He just...

Gilbert...

_ He sounds so vulnerable..._

I stand there in silence. Gilbert sucks in a breath and sighs. I wait for Gilbert to say something else, to add on, but he utters no words.

"Why were you at the preschool?" I ask slowly. The important questions come first. "How did you know I was there?"

He doesn't turn around. It took him awhile before he answers my question. "I..." He clears his throat. "It's not that hard to research those kinds of things," He says.

Maybe that is true, and I'm not comfortable to finding out just _how_ he came to know my location. But he still didn't answer my first question.

"Why were you there?" I ask. It seems the room was getting hotter, nervousness ran down my spine. "W-Why... why did you do those things to me...?" I said low, my voice slightly shaking.

Gilbert gives another sigh and he finally turns around. He makes a grab for my hand but I flinch and step back before he can. His shield goes up again and his brow furrows in annoyance.

"Didn't you fucking hear?" Gilbert snaps at me and I flinch at the cuss word. "I said I like you."

I'm too scared. I don't want to be here. I could feel my lips trembling and all that went through my mind is Ivan. I want Ivan here to protect me.

Gilbert advances towards me again and I couldn't do anything. His hands snake his way to each sides of my face, the fingers at the back of my neck effectively keeping me in place. I'm too slow to react and Gilbert leans down to kiss my lips yet a second time.

A muffled, small sob escapes my lips but Gilbert swallows it up. He greedily moaned and try to deepen the kiss, and I felt a tongue lick at my bottom lip. A shiver of disgust makes me jump and snapping to my senses, I start to panic. I bite down hard on his lip and Gilbert pulls back to my relief.

But soon the relief turns to another fear factor when I see Gilbert touch at his lips. He pulls his fingers back to see blood. His eyes showcases his pure rage. It all happens too quick, for a sound of skin hitting skin resounds the room. The amount of force Gilbert used to smack me was strong enough to send me on the floor.

I didn't have time to nurse my cheek before Gilbert advances towards me. With a scared outburst, I try to shuffle away, but Gilbert would have none of it. He easily got on top of me and grabs my hands, to which I tried to use to keep him off. The back of my head thuds against the wooden floor as Gilbert pins my wrists above my head.

I didn't dare meet his eyes and I turn to the side and let the tears fall. "S-Stop...!" I plead weakly. "Pl-Please... I d-don't want this...!"

"But _I _want this." Gilbert hisses, as if he was a spoiled child. Maybe he is. Maybe that explains Ludwig kissing up to Gilbert like that. "Don't you understand? I keep telling you I like you!"

"But I don't!" I raise my voice, staring at him with teary eyes. His silence made me feel a bit more braver and I continue. "Stop being one of those people who think bullying me shows how much you liked me all along!"

I spoke without thinking. But my words makes the gears in my head work again. Maybe that's the case all along. Gilbert bullies me for so long, he thinks it's a form of affection. It must be true because Gilbert releases his hold of my wrist and sits up. I would very much like it if he got off of me...

No response from Gilbert again and I continue on. "You were disgusted by me for my sexual orientation." I start. "But look at what you're doing now."

I watch as his eyes go from confusion to irritation. He balls up my shirt into his fists and leans down. "But this is different!" He argues.

"How! Tell me how!" I glare up at him. "A man having feelings for another man! How gay can that be?" I wanted to laugh at my words, but this wasn't a matter to do so.

Gilbert releases my shirt and I prop myself on my elbows. It wouldn't be a good time to ask him to get off of me. "I don't know..." His face looks so lost. He opens his mouth to say something, I'm sure something unintelligent but all he could utter out was another "I don't know."

With pursed lips, I sigh loudly through my nose. "Get off of me." I say, avoiding eyes with him.

I can see Gilbert was about to protest, argue, but he loosens his shoulders and got off. Gilbert didn't speak as he did. Slowly, I pick myself up and stare at him.

"Just leave me alone." I say low, but loud enough for Gilbert to hear me. "I don't deserve any more of your torture, you've done enough," I say with a clenched jaw. All those times of making me feel bad, the self doubt, my self-confidence, everything was at the hands of Gilbert, and he chose to squeeze the life out of it.

My bottom lip quivers slightly as I suck in a breath. "I will never like a monster like you," I continue, adding salt to the wound. That wound better be big one because I'm adding lemon to it too. "You disgust me, all those horrible things you said to me, _did _to me..." Another wave of tears fall. "How can you believe that I'll like you back? A-Are you clueless?" I rhetorically ask, my voice cracking.

I wasn't brave enough to look at Gilbert. And I wasn't brave enough to stay. My legs worked on their own and I found myself opening the door, thankful that Gilbert made no move to grab me. Knowing that, I rush down the stairs, rubbing my eyes frantically. I really hope Gilbert gets the message and leaves me alone.

But a part of me tells that it's not over yet.

* * *

><p>As Father asked me why I was late, another lie escapes me lips.<p>

I feel so ashamed. Why can't I stop lying to them? I don't like it one bit. And that look he gave me... It clenches at my heart. I can tell he's doubting me and either he knows I'm lying and decides to not say anything, or he's just not buying it.

_What kind of son am I...?_

Guilt clutching at my gut, I eat dinner with them in silence. As they converse quietly, I could only absentmindedly nod my head, act as if I'm following them with their conversation. My mind reels back to the incident with Gilbert just hours ago.

Did I really end things with him? It didn't feel like that. A nagging feeling inside of me just tells me it's not. That he's always going to be around the corner, watching me. Hell, if he knew where I was at the daycare he might as know where I live as well.

The thought strikes fear within me. What if Gilbert did know where I lived? He went as far to know where I was enough to follow me in the daycare. What would he do? Vandalize... sneak in? Or even worse... talk to my parents. What if he tells them that he likes me? They don't even know I'm homosexual, so how can they take the news that another person likes me?

"-ew... Matthew?"

"Huh what..?" I snap out of my thoughts and look up to see my mom and dad staring at me.

"We were talking about the court case," Father starts off, glancing back at Mother.

The dishes were already taken off the table. Was I _that_ spaced out?

"And we decided not to press charges..." Mother sighs.

Silence.

They look at me with waiting eyes.

"I-"

I really don't know what to say. I'm happy, but then my mind trails to Lilli. I haven't seen her in a while, that or I just haven't noticed.

"Thank you," Was all I could manage to say.

"If you dare," Mother starts off sternly, making me jump. She points a finger at me, a harsh look on her face. "Get into any more fights young man, you will never live to see another day."

I nod quickly on the spot. She doesn't have to tell me twice. Father pats my back and Mother relaxes. "Glad we're on the same page." She smiles.

They send my off to my room and I couldn't be any more glad.

But not even the solace of my room couldn't help me from the thoughts of Gilbert recurring. He hit me and I'm afraid of what he's capable of. He surely doesn't like it when things don't go his way. The paranoia within me is nagging me that it isn't over, not yet.

I find some comfort when I strip my clothing and crawl into bed. It really is time that I shut the book with Gilbert. But how? I really don't want to confront him again. For all I know, he can do anything. He can visit me after school, just when I finished tutoring Ivan. Or even my community service, he can go scouting for me. It really doesn't end well.

Sleep doesn't come until hours later, with only my worried mind to blame for the delay.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Elizabeta." I call out in the hallway, walking towards her. She was currently at her locker, rummaging through her things, as if looking for something. I expect a smile, but instead her face quickly turns furious and she smacks me harshly on the arm.<p>

A pained gasp escapes me and I try to recover quickly, as well as inch away from her a bit. "W-What was that for!?" I yelp, staring straight at an angry bull.

"What's with you?" She says angrily. "I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks!" She accuses and I feel my heart drop. "Not only that but you seem to ignore me..." Her voice trails off and all of a sudden her angry demeanor fades away to her frowning.

I try to fumble for words. I can't deny it, it's true. The only one I seem to be around with more is Ivan. Last time she tried to approach me, I only cut her off short and went straight to the bathroom to fix my contacts. I guess you can say I had an attitude that day?

Taking a deep breath, I sigh and frown along with her. "I'm sorry okay?" I say solemnly. "These past few days haven't been very good to me..."

"Oh," Was all Elizabeta replies and she slowly returns to rummage through her locker.

"Forgive me?" I say softly, outstretching my hands a bit.

She purses her lips and looks at me, before she ceases her actions and slowly comes into my arms. "It's okay Matthew," Elizabeta says softly. "Buying me ice cream sounds great as a sorry gift right?" She pulls back, giving me her usual devious smile.

I only nod in defeat. "Whatever you say," I chuckle. We pull back from the hug and I feel the guilt quickly wash away. Leaning against the lockers, I could only look at her in confusion as she continues to rummage through her locker.

"So, what is it that you're looking for?" I ask.

She quickly groans. "I lost Mr. Wade's homework..." She sighs.

I was quick to laugh at her to which she replies with a smack on my arm again. "Shut up! Don't laugh at me..." She pouts.

I hold my hands up in defeat. "All right, all right..." I chuckle, and she only pouts more.

The main reason to why I came here pricks me at the back of my mind. "Hey Liz," I start off, getting her attention. "Do you know where Lilli is?" I ask slowly.

Her efforts to finding her homework halts and she slowly retracts her hand. I can already tell this isn't going to end well. "Yeah about that..." Elizabeta says, side eyeing me.

"She hasn't been coming to school at all."

My brows furrow together and I couldn't help but feel guilt. Was it my fault? It probably was... I was too late to receive good news and deliver it to Lilli. Maybe it's my fault after all. She has every right to hate me. The idea of your closest family member going to jail is a scary thought and it's my fault that I couldn't convince my mother sooner.

"But-" I start but then I stop myself. It's no use in sharing the good news if Lilli isn't here. The news was meant for her. Now that she isn't here, what's the point?

"But what...?" Elizabeta trails off, expecting me to finish.

I shake my head and frown. "It's nothing."

She gives a sigh at my lack of response and closes her locker. The search for the homework seems to have ended and Elizabeta had her shoulders slack in defeat. As the bell rang, Elizabeta and I walk each other to class. We converse over unimportant things, but at the back of my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about Lilli. How everything in the end was my fault and my fault alone. The weight of guilt kept on building.

* * *

><p>I think the only solace I get from this whole chaos is spending time with Ivan. It doesn't matter what I'm doing anymore, even if it's working on school work, I feel at ease. I'm able to forget troubles like Lilli and Gilbert and everything else. Doing this study session is anything but boring.<p>

"You know," Ivan starts. "Natalia misses you." Ivan says after a short break.

I'm slack in the chair, leaning back and I give a small smile. "I miss her too." I admit. "It's just," I let out a loud sigh and run my hand through my hair. "That stupid community service... But I think it's about to be over soon."

Since the charges are off, I'm guessing they're letting me off the hook. For one thing, I do not want to be in that neighborhood anymore. I want to stay as far away from Gilbert as possible. I really hope they consider this and karma strikes back.

"I hope so too," Ivan leans against the desk, head resting against his fist. "I miss hanging out with you."

A flush I couldn't suppress reached to my cheeks. My lips turn to a tiny grin. "I do too." I say quietly.

_Is this normal?_ I ask myself. _I mean - Saying that we miss hanging out with each other?_ I couldn't help but feel myself heat up in worry. I must be an embarrassment. I always make a fool out of myself anyway...

_But I don't want to be a fool in front of Ivan..._

"So how is everything?" Ivan asks, going back to writing in his notebook, but his focus was on me.

"W-Well..." I debate whether or not I should tell Ivan about the incident with Lilli. "Actually... I had good news but..." I sigh and furrow my brows. "My mom finally decided to not press charges against Lilli's brother but... but I guess I can't tell Lilli that now..."

Glancing up, I see Ivan making a confused expression. "What do you mean?"

"Elizabeta told me she hasn't been coming to school in a while..."

Placing a finger on his chin, Ivan looks up at the ceiling and thinks. This is one of the quirks I picked up a few weeks back. Whenever Ivan needs to think back to something, he always looks up as if the ceiling or sky has the answer. I find it rather adorable.

_No, _I stop myself. _Don't have thoughts like that..._

"Now that you mention it..." Ivan trails off. "I haven't seen her in the halls like I usually do..."

Another sigh is released from my nostrils and I place my head onto the table. "I feel guilty." I admit.

I was met with silence before Ivan spoke again. "Why is that?"

Silence was met at my part before I bury my face in my arms even more. I mumble my answer but I hear the chair scrape against the floor, signalling Ivan has scooted closer towards me.

"Matvey, I cannot hear you if your head is down." Ivan coaxes smoothly. "Do you want to talk about why you feel guilty?"

Slowly, I raise my head and look down on my lap.

"Maybe..." I trail off, trying to find my confidence. "Maybe Lilli left because I took too long... I mean..." I tsk frustratedly, trying to find the right words. "I would be kinda jumpy if I don't know someone close to me is going to jail or not, you know?" I ask, watching as Ivan nods in agreement.

"The wait... just waiting - waiting for the final decision is scary as hell and I just think I took too long."

I glance at Ivan as I see him do that little cute quirk of his, looking up at the ceiling and thinking.

"I would be worried too." Ivan says truthfully.

Ivan being truthfully is admirable, but it doesn't ease the guilt sitting on my shoulders.

"In the end, it's not your fault Matvey."

"But I _feel_ like-"

"_Nyet_." Ivan silences me and I look at him.

"You had no power over the decision of Lilli's brother." Ivan continues as I listen to him silently. "You had no power over the decision your mother was bound to make. Lilli could be as mad as she wants." He says and I widen my eyes a bit in shock. "She's a fool to think that you had a say in whether her brother goes to prison or not, she's also a fool to feel like it is your fault."

"Remember Matvey, you're a victim in all of this. You were the one who was attacked."

A wave of relief washes over. Ivan's words brings me comfort and it's like the guilt on my shoulder vanishes. I smile at him and tuck a lock of hair beneath my ear. "Thank you Ivan," I say. "I really needed to hear that."

Ivan flashes one of his sweetest smiles and I can feel my heart just swell at that. He seems to lock eyes with me more than necessary and the air was about to feel awkward before Ivan leaned forward.

What happened next was something I never expected.

Lips presses near the corner of my lips and lingers there, becoming more than just a regular peck. _No, there isn't anything like pecks regular between friends._ I stare wide eyed as Ivan retracts and smiles again.

"You're welcome." He grins and I feel my face flush immediately. "We should get back to work, no?"

I was given no time to think over what just happened but I nod nonetheless. "Y-Yeah..." I say softly, feeling very embarrassed.

I might need all the time in the world if I want to figure out what the hell just happened.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

Hey again!

I promise to try and update as much... if I'm not lazy anymore.

Also! Regards to people who want to roleplay with me!

My offer still holds up! But I have a roleplay account on tumblr! You're free to follow me and roleplay there!

My rp account on tumblr is - **maplemeup**

I can still roleplay on skype though; if anyone messages me I'll give it to them uwu

Thank you for reading!

It's good to be back


	13. ayyy

I been thinking over this a lot and it's been on my mind for quite some time.

LiaD is my first fanfic I remember writing. Originally, it was a weeby, original story, with the character Sora originally being Matthew's role and other stuff I don't remember and I don't want to. Luckily I got into Hetalia and I quickly changed the course of LiaD before I can continue my horrible weaboo story. And thus, LiaD was born!

But problem was, I was winging it... So. Hard. And it was painfully obvious to me. And honestly, I never re-read my work. I would scroll through, look for key words, but never re-read and that to me was horrible. I knew what course I wanted the story to go, how I wanted the ending to happen, but it was the middle that was a bit murky, which leads to why some parts are inconsistent.

Also, my update time. That bothered me as well. I didn't want to make people wait, for those who actually enjoyed my story. And the fact I had to write it quick also added to the uneven plot of LiaD I mistakenly put up. This endless cycle only frustrates me more and puts off my once strong love of writing LiaD. I started off as an amateur but as LiaD progressed more and more, I only became increasingly disgusted with my writing style from before.

And thus, I'm sad to say I won't continue this fic. It's too much of a cluster for me to sort through, let alone revise or rewrite. The plot alone is cliche enough so I don't think I'm causing any harm. One thing I'll regret though is ending my first ever fanfic, a goal I'll never achieve. Maybe one day I'll get back to it and sort out everything the way I want it. For now, I have a few other projects I'm working on and I hope my followers/readers will enjoy those as much as they had enjoyed LiaD.

One fear is that my next few projects won't be as popular as Love is a Disease has been. I never even got the chance to explain the tittle of the story as much as I wanted to. Maybe I won't get as much reviews or follows, but it's a risk I'm wiling to take. I want to thank everyone who has ever taken the time to read this fanfiction and those who are willing to stay and read my other projects.

I'm available at my tumblr canehdur if you ever want to talk or anything like that, or just talk ruscan because I'm up for it. For now, this story will stay up but will remain uncompleted until further notice.


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